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Rookie (2/14)

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  1. I appreciate all of you for opening my eyes to the many possibilities. And potential happenings for my future with this person. We had a conversation last night so I could try to understand - it didn’t help my understanding much at all, but it was the first conversation we’ve had about it without turning it into a screaming match and getting emotional - I kept my emotions in check, & he was being as truthful and transparent as he could I believe. Because he didn’t tell me just what I wanted to hear. He does understand his wrong doings and knows it’s wrong and it’s why we’ve come to this point.
  2. It's your job to undo your mistakes of jumping in with way too much,way too soon. You are the one who has to change, you can't change other people. That means stop the nonsense of thinking breaks and couples therapy is appropriate. It means making a clean break and moving out. It's your responsibility to make the necessary changes in your life. Don't waste it playing house after 3 mos. with sleazy characters like this. You're a victim of your own bad judgement. Telling me I’m at fault for any of this is insane. I’m not. Bad decisions were made and that’s that. If y’all don’t understand that sometimes when building a foundation, pieces get placed wrong, and it will fall, but it can always be rebuilt. Your relationships have no hope either. Therapy was his suggestion. I suggested time apart, where he’ll be staying with his parents. If the time we set doesn’t feel long enough to ME then we’ll make it longer. We are going to work through it and give what we can. I’m smart enough to know that if anything happens again it’s over and I choose for myself to end it because it will have been his choice to hurt me & I’ll be positive I don’t mean as much as I thought. With love comes forgiveness upon forgiveness. You cannot be bitter. Mistakes will be made, and we choose to go about fixing those mistakes - and forgiving them. Otherwise what’s the point being w someone in the first place? Nobody’s “playing house” we made this decision together because it was what was right, still is. I was in a bad situation at my home and he helped me to blossom from that. Somewhere along the lines his judgement got cloudy, and he messed up. We’re people. We choose to forgive who and what we want to forgive and I myself am choosing to work towards that forgiveness for him. He does know though that if it happens again we’ll never see each other again & I’ll just leave without warning, the apartment will be empty because almost everything in it is mine - and he will know why.
  3. It’s been half the relationship at least.. it’s only gotten more intense with time. We want to take the steps to improve for us. But I can’t wrap my head around the fact he claims this love for me but has done things to hurt me that he knows hurts me. He says he hasn’t done anything like he was in 2 months, I’m not sure if it’s really been that long because at this point my days fade into each other and I can’t remember the day of the week let alone dates that things have happened.. but I wanna choose to believe he’s not doing these things behind my back - I’m just not there yet because it’s still so fresh to me and hurts. We’ve recently logged out of all of our social medias and removed them from our phones - so I guess that’s some improvement. He didn’t fight me on it when I asked him to get off them. I guess I’m just having a hard time with such a feeling of resentment and lack of understanding why my body doesn’t seem to be enough. Are men just like this? Do all of them just wanna see everyone naked... if so I have no hope for relationships.
  4. I feel like if we come out of this on the other side we can be great. But it will take time. & right now it just hurts.
  5. We want to work on it - and it will definitely take time.. he says he hasn’t done any of that in months, it’s just hard for me to trust it because he’s already lied about things related. We came to the conclusion that in order for us to work we need to seek therapy both individually and as a pair. He takes care of me, so I don’t think he’s taking advantage exactly. I said I wanted to take some days apart with no contact because I want him to miss me and if he doesn’t then we’ll know our relationship is finished. I just can’t manage to get over the anger and resentment I feel over the decisions he made against me and us so many times... it makes me feel so lonely.
  6. He says they’re just mistakes. And everyone makes them... which I agree and I understand. But a mistake doesn’t happen 5+ times. At this point it’s a choice that he’s making to disrespect what I ask. I don’t feel like I ask too much, if he wants to be monogamous then why can’t he be MONOGAMOUS.. why can’t he have eyes for me and keep them off other women? Why does he allow his “curiosity“ to harm our relationship? We used to be so good, and I wanna be good again if we can work through it. But it just hurts and I can’t understand it and I feel lost
  7. Hi ... I’ve never done this and I recently came across this forum — I feel lately like I’ve lost myself in my relationship, in a way. Social media and my partners bad decisions have impacted me so negatively that my good views on myself have almost completely diminished. We’re trying to make it work, talking about couples therapy, taking a break from one another soon for up to a week - no contact.. it’s a start I guess We’ve only been together for just over a year. He’s 28(m) & I’m 20(f) so there’s a bit of an age gap. We decided to move in together after having known each other for only 3 months in total and dating for 2. We’ve come this far. But lately I feel I’m not enough, like I don’t meet his desires, or he wouldn’t seek other things out of “curiosity”. Why does my boyfriend get “curious” and want to see other people naked? So much so that he tried to get to their onlyfans links - and lied about it.. he didn’t get any further than the login screen because he claims he doesn’t have an account, and that he’d never pay for that. So I can’t help but think that for sure if that subscription was free - he would proceed. I’ve been crying to him for months about how low he’s made me feel and how insecure he’s made me with his actions. Not only attempting to get to someone’s onlyfans, but publicly liking provocative & explicit photos on the internet for others to see. It makes me look stupid. And it’s hurtful and disrespectful to me because I would never.. I’ve brought it up over and over how I’m not okay with him liking those things because what reason is there for him to give other people validation? When he doesn’t even give it to me enough. It’s one thing to look, and to keep scrolling, but to look and take the extra step to like these photos, letting these people know he’s looking at them - it’s disrespect... he says he didn’t see anything wrong with liking things like those on the internet.. but I had told him over and over that I’m not okay with it and it makes me feel gross. Does he just not care? Is he too invested in the idea of putting his parts into people? Immature maybe? Idk .. I wish I understood. Why is he so curious about what other women look like naked.... when I’m right here.. am I not fulfilling enough? Because that’s what it feels like. I feel like I’m not enough. I’ve expressed this, but nothing I seem to express about my feelings seem to get through to him. I want so badly to build a future with him as he says he does with me, but then why does he do this instead of respecting my boundaries?
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