How do I explain. I met a mature male (early 50s) and I am a divorced female in my (mid 40s) 10 months ago. When we first met, he would say all the right things, compliments on how beautiful i am and how I am the perfect woman. He is very awkward when it comes to women yet he seemed to have confidence when we first met. He told me that he is extremely insecure and would never allow us to take photos because he did not like pictures of himself. About 3 weeks in to meeting me, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He had separated from his spouse at that time a year prior to meeting him so I figured he was ready to be in a relationship, as before me he was playing field and dating women without commitment.
About 2 months in, it became evident that his ' i have never been able to communicate or express his feelings" was a real thing. He grew up in a home where there was none of that, men were strong and avoided talking about their feelings and he is also not the complimenting type. He was that way initially because that is what you do when you first meet someone, then it stopped. It caused great issues for me and the confident person I once was started to have insecurity issues constantly over thinking, over analyzing and trying to pick his brain. To pick someone's brain like that, it did not go well. I was told to stop fishing, that i didn't trust him and for him trust was important. That he doesn't know how he feels, that he has issues he needs to deal with (I was told his past relationships affected him) 10 month later he has never once tried to work on his issues and refuses to go to a counselor because he has a hard time with that "crap".
About 4 months in after I had a complete breakdown he told me that he knew he needed to talk to me because he didn't want a relationship but would continue to see each other and essentially we do the same things as couples do but not in a relationship. His definition of a relationship is the "whole hog" whatever that means. I will admit that prior to this happening I had questioned him about some things that I knew based on discrepancies, he was not being truthful. These things happened before me, but to me character is everything and I looked at his old cell phone and found all the messages and evidence to support my suspicions and confronted him. He was irate that I invaded his personal space and denied it until I told him what I had done. He admitted it and said if he would have told me I would have ran a mile. I likely would have. He was so caught up in his lies to me he couldn't tell me the truth before. We ended up having a talk and stayed together but he couldn't get past what I had done.
So later on he no longer wanted a relationship and said part of it was due to issues and that he doesn't know how he feels, he cares and feels something but doesn't know what and that "only time will tell". I kept feeling insecure and each time I would try to get him to talk he would get frustrated and say that we are just going in circles and clearly i am not happy and he can't give me what i want and he knew exactly what I wanted and needed but could not show affection or compliment. He said he shows it in his own way.
We had a short break and after an absence he came back with asking me if I would consider seeing each other and that please stop asking him if there are other women, he said there has never been and I need to trust him and why would he need anyone else. I also asked if he could put it past him on me looking through his phone and he said yes. I kept my promise and we resumed. He asked me if I would be happy how things were and I said well no we both need to work on thing and make an effort. He made no effort..he is a recluse and likes his alone time and we would get together on weekends and one night during the week which was fine but it was always at his place as he said my tv was not big enough. When I would go over he would never initiate a hug or kiss unless I did. I knew he was not complimentary guy but for someone who said he loves to kiss, he would never make the effort and when I would bring up feelings he would say I am overthinking or too sensitive and it's not like that. I always heard that, its not like that and that I don't know how feels and not to try to know
So just a few days ago I had an emotional breakdown and said maybe I need to walk away. He said that he does not see a future with me but couldn't give me the reasons why. He again said he needs to work on himself and said I need to as well. When I said that absences can make someone realize their true feelings or perhaps not he said maybe, we will see. I blocked him from social media and he knew right away I had, so clearly he went to look at my profile and seen what I had done.
My heart is breaking and I can't help but feel its because he just doesn't want me. I have done everything and put so much in to it. He said he has always appreciated that and it hasn't gone unnoticed. I was told he has issues in every relationship. He said to me that don't think he doesnt appreciate me and that he does have thoughts even tho he doesn't say it.
Until he makes the effort to work on his issues this behavior will continue. He wanted to reconnect on social media so I agreed which makes me feel like he is just needing time to sort out what he feels. Part of me feels that he just said he sees no future because he is confused. I am aware that if a man has feelings for you that he will show you in his actions. I think he is just too messed up with himself to be able to do that and I feel that he isn't saying goodbye for good.
What should I do? I feel sad for him and I am praying that he gets clarity with himself and his issues. I want to focus on me now and get strong again. Is it possible for someone like this to realize their feelings for you or am I kidding myself and he actually doesn't have any.
His lack of communication has shown me that he has thoughts of wanting to talk to me but never brings it up first until I have a meltdown. Yet he has always said to me, if I was not interested in you, you would know. He has stayed with me this long that I feel he is just saying this out of confusion not with a clear head. He said he tried to stop seeing twice but it never happened.