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cookiescream

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  1. I actually heard the whole thing on the phone, so it's not that he's neglecting to tell me anything. It's just really strange and even he can't figure out why the sudden strong reaction when they never used to bother about each others' lives in the past. Something just clicked in my head though. If he isn't emotionally or mentally strong enough to challenge a family that is being controlling or toxic, maybe we are better off being just friends. If not this, there could be issues further into the relationship or them trying to control other aspects of us down the line, and if he's weak, we wouldn't have been able to overcome those anyway. And it would cut a deeper hole in my heart if we were say, 2 years into the relationship and something happened. I definitely see where you're coming from, and I do see the point. The difficulty here is that we belong to a few hobby groups together that have ongoing activities. It will be supremely awkward for everyone else if we were both not even friends.
  2. I actually think it's because to them, this relationship appeared out of the blue. They feel that he jumped into this prematurely, because they had no idea it was months in the making even before we got together. I heard him try reasoning to them and telling them, but they weren't listening. All they cared about was that he had been cheated on before and therefore, he is now a poor judge of character and shouldn't be jumping into a serious relationship. Then came the ultimatum. It is definitely odd behaviour, even to him, and he couldn't really understand why any of it even happened.
  3. Wait I think you (and some others) are getting the story wrong. It's not that they are not allowing him to date me in particular. They don't think he should be dating at the moment, period. They don't think he's ready to be in any relationship and don't want him getting serious with anyone.
  4. I understand why you would think that way based on the limited information in the story, but he's definitely not using the family as an excuse. They're an unstable bunch. And when we talked about it, and contemplated possible solutions, there was real fear and sadness over the fact that he might lose me. Unfortunately, the fear of losing his family was also there, and he had no idea what to do. He actually didn't initiate the breakup, we came to the mutual conclusion that we stay friends and try to wait till the family comes to their senses. But I do agree on one point though, this whole situation kinda did show he's not emotionally strong enough, and perhaps continuing the relationship would have put further strain on his emotional health. I knew when we agreed to staying friends and waiting it out that it was going to be difficult. And it has been, belieeeve me, even though it's only been a few days. But we both don't wanna lose each other from our lives. I know it doesn't sound like the smartest thing to do, but above all else, romance aside, we had a deep friendship and it's not something we can easily give up on. They're not, and they never have. But it's the only family he knows, and he doesn't have the strength to give them up.
  5. We both work, but he lost his job during the pandemic so technically he's not working at the moment. I've hung out with some of his friends and have met the mum in passing. And nah, it's definitely not that way. When the family exploded, they meant business so imagine having the fear of losing your entire family over a relationship. While the decision is not ideal, and I wish he had more strength to stand up to them, he just doesn't at the moment. I hate the situation more than anything, but I know from the bottom of my heart and not just because I'm "blinded by love" that it's not because he wants to back out. Like most men, he doesn't normally cry, but he has shed so many tears over this. And the whole reason why it even happened in the first place was because he was serious enough about the relationship to want to let the family know it was a proper one.
  6. I find the whole thing really ridiculous too, and so does he! Btw, he was cheated on basically in every relationship he was in, so it wasn't just once. But he doesn't have the mental strength to fight atm. Honestly, I understand from his POV as well, the threat of being disowned and losing your entire family is very real. Even if we think they're and not how a family should be at all, they're the only family he knows. He chose not to fight them immediately because it would have blown things out of proportion, and he could have actually been disowned on the spot. Thanks for the kind words. I'm also holding on to the hope that one day, they'll realise that we weren't just jumping into a relationship without thought and that he could actually be happy with me. About 7 months in. It was a very difficult decision to make to remain friends, because the feelings definitely are there, and my heart still aches every time I think about when we were happy before all of this drama. But for us, we'd rather not lose each other from our lives, and at least this way, there's a chance we can wait and see if the family ever comes around.
  7. Just wanted to share my story and get some insight from people here. My bf and I had to break up because of his family's disapproval. Unlike most other stories, the disapproval was not really personal to me. We had been dating many months now, and he's honestly the most compatible partner I have ever met in my life. We align in almost every single way, and in just the first few months, we had reached the sort of levels people usually reach after a year or 2. I've had several relationships in the past, but none of my other exes even come close in terms of compatibility and the love I felt for him. The family's disapproval stems from the fact that he had been cheated on in his past relationships, and they feel he isn't ready for a relationship, nor trust his judgment of character and anyone he meets. He's in his mid-20s mind you (I'm a little older), and very much an adult who should be able to make his own decisions about his life. But they objected so strongly to the fact that he's in a relationship they think he isn't ready for, that they threatened to disown him. Now his family isn't the greatest, they're stubborn and judgmental and have never been a tight nor supportive family unit. They usually don't give a crap about each other's lives, but this one time, they all decided to meddle. He doesn't live with the family btw, but very near to his bro. His bro came around when I was over one day, and he decided to tell the bro he was in a serious relationship and that's when the whole drama started and all other family members were brought in. It honestly pissed me off because they didn't even give us a chance. Not even a chance to try to get to know me before they decided. And the irony of it all is, I have a very strong stance on cheating and unfaithfulness, and I would never even think about cheating on him. He didn't have the mental strength to fight them, because the fear of getting disowned and not having family constantly got to him. Even if they were a crappy family, they were still his family. It did upset me and broke my heart that he didn't fight for even a chance with me, but at the same time, I understand how scary it can be when the threat of being disowned looms over the relationship. We've since decided to stay friends and still talk every day, just without the lovey dovey stuff, but it's been difficult when feelings are so strong. This was the only strategy we could think of to even have a chance of being together in the future. And it's only a chance since we don't know if the family will ever let him live his own life or allow us to get back together. It's only been a few days but I've been bouncing between heartache and apathy. It's not easy for him either, because he does want to be with me and if not for this, we would still be very happy together. I just hate that it's become so uncertain... will we ever be together again, and if not, will I ever meet or love another person so compatible with me? We've decided to wait it out together, as friends, and hope we can eventually be together again. But there seems to be no end in sight at the moment. If anyone has any similar stories to share, and how you coped, or any insight into this, feel free to share.
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