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About ILS

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  1. I tried to convince her to leave. To buy her the ticket and everything she needs to go back to start a fresh in her country. She doesn't want and doesn't like that I decide on her. It's her decision and unless I am not interested in her, she does not want to leave. for now. we are focused on trying to adopt, together, to the pros of living here and coping with the cons.
  2. I really appreciate that. I hope to make some good out of the kind advices from these past days.
  3. Your words are kind and warm. Amazing how warmth can cross over riding on anonymity. I kept some details as nationalities aside, cause they may deflect people’s mind from objectivity. Probably not in your case, but anyway there’s no PM here. Anyway, I received more than I have hoped for here and I am thankful.
  4. Thank you East4 :) Not much chance she'll get "caught" in much work. not the type, at all. And no risk she'll earn even 10% of what I make, although I wish (for her) she would. but I actually like all the "EE woman" characteristics as were described here nicely before. I like in a woman, all that is elegant and different than us men. I like the old fashion behaviour in women, I admit. And therefore I am prepared to do my part as the man. But our lives in 2020 are somewhat more complicated, plus my "baggages". So, it would be good if she finds her interests, and preferably with a pay,
  5. But this is not my intention. if it was, then in that case you would have been very right. But I'm not a SOB that wastes a 35 y.o woman's time. I love her and do want to marry her, but trying to see how can we reduce the risks of all the black scenarios that are running in her head (and some in mine). She also does not want to marry until we do. The advices here did help me see other views, by not biased friends.
  6. The problem is as most here stated, the brain tells us as well that we are probably headed into a life of tension, if the "blanket" will be short (I don't think that it will BTW, but she feels "Uninsured" if you will). I try to figure out financial measures to reduce her anxiety (i.e. will put aside all funds needed for the alimonies till the last day; move from rent to buying a place for us, etc.) But I also admit I am afraid from those bad scenarios; a 2nd divorce, more children far from me, etc. But I cannot push her away only based on fear. this is not who I am. Also, Love that hold
  7. Covid does not help but it is getting a bit better. This part I do believe will get easier for her with time. She does sees the Pros and Cons.
  8. I'm afraid not. Overanalysing is definitely the part that she brings. Generally, if it wouldn't have made her so worried, I would say it is helpful to have it in our situation. there's a lot at stake and time is not playing to our favour. I think she is brilliant in how she charts out almost all that can get wrong, but on the other hand, we all know you cannot expect to control life even by trying to plan everything.
  9. Because I am new to this, never expressed myself in forums on relationships and frankly did not expect that anyone will care to read my long story. So, I tried to put as short as I could the main situation we 're in. For sure, there's more. 3+ years there's more to write about. I hope that I now managed to better balance my story because I did not mean to present that all is great about me and she's to blame. I am not here to gain "points" for myself. We are both carrying this "against the odds" and was looking to learn from others as well.
  10. Thank you 🙏 for sharing your painful story as well. This actually sounds very much like my first marriage ... We relocated and I did the mistakes (all of them) you described above. That's were the relationship got much distant and I did not see the signs. The rest is history. but I can say that anyway in retrospect, Mme and my Ex were not very close and too different. I do not regret, she's an amazing mother to our children and we have very good relationship for divorced couple, but she was not "the one" and nor was I for her. She's happier with her current BF already 4 years and I
  11. Thank you. I do talk to her that she should. I do not want her to waste her life on me. She deserves a clean break. I did think/hoped it could work. As she is not an EU citizen, It was important for me to open up opportunities for her, regardless of being with me or not. She now has her 5 years residency here under the Pre-settled status because of my citizenship. But she should get a right to live where she wants, with or without me. If she stays, I want her to have higher English courses so she could find whatever she wants to do here, if she wants. She can stay at home and not work
  12. Dear All. Your advices are overwhelming. I did not expect. THANK YOU 🙏 I also want you to know, that I told my GF about writing. She has done so for the past 3 years with women in her country, and I felt I needs also such advice from people who do not know us. I will try to add more details, also to try to balance more also how I think she see's things. Our struggles were almost from the beginning, in the 3 years in her country. they did not start when we relocated, though obviously this made things more foreign to her, thus frightening. Putting my age aside, I am also some
  13. Thank you for that. it seems so obvious, it was there all along in our discussions from the first month, and still, love kept us going. I have arranged multiple meetings with a couples' therapists; neither worked for us. we have one now which is better, though it is complicated as I was looking for one who speaks both our native languages, as emotions do not get expressed well and frustration comes instead, if you try to deal with such on a language you feel limited in expressing yourself. I am not perfect myself, you know. There are more things I could have done. Some things I coul
  14. You are very very kind. Yes, I do come with "a baggage". I do not think anyone should need to apologies for such. I love my Daughters very much and even being away from them is sometimes heartbreaking, but I chose to live and chase the good opportunities life has dealt, and it brought me here.
  15. I feel hopeless about it, to be honest. You cannot force love. not to someone, something or some place.
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