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Criss

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  1. So, Im 32, decided to leave my country and live with my 28 year old boyfriend for 1 year in a new one under a work and holiday visa. He's been lucky to be able to work in his field and is thriving. My diploma from Europe has not been accepted and I thought I would be okay by doing something random for a while or doing something that is similar to what I did back at home but without needing permission for it. It turns out its been much more difficult than expected and I havent been able to find a job that I like. I also have been very homesick and the original plan was that I was going to be able to go back home every 6 months only that COVID happened. So now, its been over a year, Im saving a bit but not thriving, the work I am doing I find very repetitive and alot of questions are coming up in my relationship like: Where are we going next? What am I going to do? Turns out my possibilities are limited and I dont have the same opportunities as my partner. Also, I have been thinking about having a baby for the last year and my partner isnt ready. He says he doesnt want to think about it for another 5 to 10 years. Only that Im 32 and my clock is ticking. I sometimes wake up thinking about other women that have gotten pregnant and I feel anxious and jealous. I want both of us to want it. He says he's happy to go to my home country at some point again but he doesnt want to live there. He would rather live in his country (Australia). We were supposed to go to Europe after our year of working abroad was over and give me a chance to build up more on it and we didnt because Covid hit and he wasnt going to be able to work there in his field.. I feel like Im the only one making compromises. He says he hasnt asked me. We go 50/50 on our expenses eventhough he makes alot more than me and I dont like that because I feel like he doesnt want to support me. And it makes me feel guilty to expect it. I also cant make much money going back home which I find hard... In the last few months, I decided to go back home for a while for a month or two to think about everything and see my family and now, the restricitions have changed and it turns out that if I want to come back into the country I will have to pay over 2000 dollars and isolate for 14 days. I cant really afford it. So I decided to postpone it. I changed my flight yesterday and I had already given my notice at work that I was leaving next week. Today I woke up depressed and feeling I cant make up my mind. I still have a few months of visa left, feeling like I should make the most out this opportunity and save, explore in the summer, but Im really missing my family. I feel lost. And not only have I felt anxious in the last few months, Im starting to feel depressed. I felt like I couldnt get out of bed today. This is starting to become a bit scary. Im driving my partner nuts, he says hes doing fine here, that he likes where he is. I like the country but I dont feel like Im thriving other than serving and saving up money I wouldnt be able to save otherwise, and we dont have any support system here. I know that might change after a while of being here (its been over 1.5 years). Im just feeling so helpless. I have a therapist but I just feel silly and immature everytime we speak, like I should be able to figure out my stuff on my own. My boyfriend says Im a bit like the child that yelled wolf and no one ended up believing him anymore. He's tried giving me many options about thing s I could do.. He says hes done and tired. My words dont match my actions and I just dont know what to do. I feel stuck. I tried to fix it by leaving but if I do I mght not be able to come back. I dont know what to do. Its driving me crazy. How am I supposed to even start a family in the next few years and feeling like i do?
  2. I cant stop obssesing about my partner staying in touch with an old lover. He has been secretive about it and I've snooped his phone. He knows. I feel bad about it too but proves my fears. I wake up anxious at night. Is our relationship ruined? We have been seeing eachother for more than 2 years, we had a miscarriage right at the beginning of the relationship, the pregnancy was unplanned.. ive gotten over it and we have understood we shouldn't put ourselves in that scenario if things are so shaky. He's fantasized about having 2 partners and even though I thought i could deal with at the beginning, I realized im emotionally uncapable. I told him I couldnt and wouldnt do it. I have too many insecurity issues and I distrust my partner. He's stayed with other people in touch he was involved and says he doesn't want to be told what to do. But that he wouldn't cheat on me. He says he's not fully happy about us. Ive become quite controlling and passive aggressive and I dislike myself for it. Im trying to work on it. We've said we would try it over and over again but the fact is, i don't trust him. I have never trusted anyone in my life before as I have been hurt many times already. Weve been meditating together and say we will be sincere to each other. I want to set my boundaries and Im trying but I feel like it may be too late. We've gotten to the point in which he's supposed to move to another country with me and I believe he might end up cheating me with someone who lives there from his past. I've been seeing psychologists, Ive been meditating, trying to set myself goals and always end up in a rabbit hole of self pity and anxiety about him not respecting our relationship and setting boundaries with other women. I know all the theoretical stuff about how I should be behaving..., ask myself what kind of relationship do I want and try to work towards that but sometimes it feel like its not enough. Sometimes I feel like Ive compromised too much and weve lost respect of eachother. How do you change something like that? Were both in our late 20s beginning 30s and he wouldnt want to see a therapist together. He doesnt want it. I feel that if we dont figure out our stuff itll just keep on happening in other relationships... am I lying to myself? Also, I know snooping isnt cool, but why is there distrust? its a reaction. Also at the same time I wouldnt have a problem with him going through my stuff because I simply have nothing to hide. I feel like I wanna have that kind of closeness. He absolutely KNOWS I wouldnt do that, in a way I feel that might be the problem. I even moved countries for him and I just feel like in a way I dont even know if he will actually move countries for ME next year. I just have so much distrust. I guess I just need some perspective. Im supposed to leave for 1 or 2 months back to my home country for a while. Very uneasy about what thatll mean... how to let go and just let things unfold without feeling like Im forcing so much?
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