Willowgirl55

Yeah thanks. I guess it's time to give up on that hope. Thanks.

A few years ago I was contacted by my two other half siblings about a daughter that our mother had and gave up for adoption when she was a baby. There is a rocky back story with my two other half siblings (from same mother we all just had different fathers). I am the youngest out of the 3 (58) and I've ceased communication from the two about a decade ago. Lets say their moral flexibility was too much for me, blood relative or not it was inexcusable. So into the picture comes Sally (not actual name). She found my half brother and half sister through an adoption agency and also through Ancestory.com I think. 5 years ago I get an email from my half brother simply advising me of the new family member. He told me that I can contact her through HIM first IF I chose to reach out to her. I responded saying I will reach out to her directly if he would provide me with her email address. I did. This was quite an emotional rollercoaster for me. For 1 I didn't want to hear from my half brother. And 2 I thought this was another mean trick that they were playing again just to try and emotionally control me. I emailed Sally, and we exchanged phone numbers. She proceeded to tell me the story of how she found the three of us and the history of her life. She had come to our town and visited with my HB and HS. I was not in the equation as I was not notified until after the fact when she was on her way back to the airport to catch her plane back home. She asked if I could meet her at the airport while waiting for her flight back home so I obliged. It was a nice meeting and I cried seeing her. As she looked exactly my mother. Quite emotional for me, not so much for her I guess. Anyway over the 5 years since meeting I have taken a trip to see her and her family. She invited me and my partner to stay with her and her family during the visit. It was a nice weekend of just getting to know each other. Fast forward over the past 4 years she has stopped contacting me. I send emails asking how she and her family are doing and I get brief responses. The only time she has reached out to me at all, was to advise me of someone dying in our extended family. And these emails are just a single line stating that she "thought I should know" that my uncle passed or that my half sisters husband passed away, or that a friend of my mothers son just passed. Thats been it from her . I tried again just a few days ago to reach out and to wish her a happy holiday and have nothing for a response. I'm sad and discouraged. oh well. Should I just let it be? I was hoping I could connect and have some kid of relationship with her but she doesn't seem interested. Sometimes I wonder what my other half siblings have fed her about me. Should I just give up?

Refuse to engage by not responding at all. I've had NC for 10 years now from both my half-sister and brother and believe me NO response is a better response . It works .

Thank you! Yes so much gold advise here !!!

Yes. Exactly this. Honestly I feel so sad when I wake up being the only one in bed on the weekends. When we go to bed he's out like a light within minutes. I feel quite lonely next to him sometimes.

Yeah I guess I need to stay away from home more. I'm not a nagger by any means. In fact he once told me I am so low maintenance he doesn't realize I even need anything.....whatever that means.

I don't talk at him. And I try to be playful. Begging ? Not really I've been pretty quiet about it mostly. Be out more ?

Yeah that was my birthday dinner this past Friday. It's me.

He usually doesn't have to ask me . I take it upon myself to tickle his back or massage his scalp. I love giving massages but he's not big on getting or giving massages . I guess I need to speak up and ask him for more physical touching on my part. Sigh.

Yes, I was thinking of this route also. Just becoming more scarce. Not coming home after work for awhile. Paying my friends more visits. I feel he's taking me for granted a bit and it's making me feel bad.

I did in regards to the infrequency of our intimacy. I subtly mentioned that I miss the intimacy part of our relationship. He didn't have a good response other than suggesting I try masturbating or buy a vibrator. Not in a mean way but just as a suggestion. Sigh.

Thank you!!! I don't know why we aren't married honestly. I guess we have both been there and done that? His family hinted at us getting married and I didn't know what to say. Most people our age are getting married because of the benefits that do a long with it such as health insurance and taxes . I have crap benefits because of my 3 part time jobs. He has a great job as an engineer and has great benefits. His plan doesn't allow domestic partner benefits so there is that. I'm nervous about being married again. It was too painful the first time as I was the one being divorced. I don't want to go through that again. His family seems is still feeling me out I guess (his family consists of his two sisters and their spouses and kids). They recently asked me about my family (after 7 years ) perhaps they didn't like my response. I don't have a good relationship with my half siblings so I explained that to them . That's all the "family" I have. I have friends that I visit and keep busy with my work so I don't rely on him for being my "everything ". That's not healthy. We decided to live together because we enjoy spending time together. As a couple we do many things together. I was a little hesitant to have him move in as I liked my alone time . I still manage to get my alone time so it works out.

So here I am at 57 (just turned two days ago). Feeling lost and unseen. LTR is going on 7 years in February. We are in our 50s and have been living together for 6 years (not married). Here's my concern. I am invisible to my partner. I can literally walk right past him naked and he won't even notice. Or if he does he mutters "uh huh" as in yeah..ok. That's it. Our intimacy has stalled out to the point it's once every three months, which I initiate. I'm damn attractive st 57. I keep myself healthy and even though I have that typical little pouchy belly that we all get, I keep pretty fit. I hike and walk and get a nice work out at a horse barn two days a week. I care about how I look. But I don't obsess nor do I plaster on makeup. I pride myself in not needing much at all. Anyway, he sees right through me. Nor does he hear what I say a majority of the time. It was my birthday recently and I was excited to get dressed up. I walked around the house before we left and not one word said about my appearance. I waited and waited. Finally I did get a "look how nice you look" comment. Hmmmm ok. I said thank you and complimented him back saying how WONDERDUL he looked. He's so very attractive to me and I occasionally like to give him bum squeezes to show it. We enjoyed dinner together and it was quite a lovely experience together so I wanted to get a picture of the two of us at this lovely restaurant. I asked him to ask the waiter to take our picture together with his phone. He did snap a photo of me when the waiter brought me my birthday treat after dinner. He forwarded both photos to me. I'm pretty modest usually and am always shy in front of the camera. But damn I felt lovely this night and was hoping to see one of those pictures on his Facebook page (he actively posts and recently uploaded photos of his son in college who we were visiting at this time. Nope. Never shared any of the photos of me. In fact when his family came with us to visit his son in college a couple weeks ago there was not 1 photo with me in it. I simply don't exist. And I do remember being present in photos but none were shared with me in them at all. What's the deal here ? Am I over reacting ? Again we have been together for almost 7 years. I still get a weird vibe from his family like maybe they don't like me . There were photos taken of the three of us (me,my partner and his son), but no one seems to want to share them with me as I have asked. So, yeah. Feeling quite invisible lately. And it's making me feel insecure. Some kind of attention would be a nice surprise. I'll take a playful pat on the bum occasionally. I get a peck on the lips if I'm lucky. I'm a sensual being and need affection. A soft caress would go a long way with me. He just doesn't notice me. I know it's a common thing for women to become invisible during a certain age. I had no idea it would be to such a degree. Help me before I fade away and into someone else's arms. B....y...........e.......

Right, and I do have to focus on those other things. Yeah my half sister doesn't like me either. I'm too much of a people pleaser for her .

Yes. We are close. He occasionally has to remind me that when I feel disappointed in people, sometimes people are people and they don't want to be friends and that I should let it go.

Thank you so very much!!!

Oh my gosh I can't thank you enough. Your neighbor point helps A LOT. Yup..I do expect too much and I have NO self esteem. You are right people can sense that and prefer to be around others who are secure with themselves. Very well said . This helps GREATLY ! 😚😚😚

Thank you ! Your words are much appreciated and I love reading your stories ! I truly enjoy helping people and making them smile. I'm not sure how this can be misconstrued as being self centered or self absorbed but I guess it's not for me to understand . I will continue being nice.

Hmmm, read the room got it. But I AM being me. Im not trying to be anything or any certain way. When I was a kid my parents always said I have to look happy and I was never allowed to cry. I was raised to smile and say thank you and please. Nor was I allowed to wear out my welcome when I was at someone's house . I'm just being how I am. Guess it's not good . Not being sarcastic but I'm so confused.

Ok too nice = being self absorbed. I'm even more of a horrible person than I realized. Yikes. I need serious help.

Over investing exactly. Good point. I do take it hard. That's why I'm trying to seek counseling.. thank you!

It's just automatic. It's like I have to check myself and my enthusiasm and tell myself to pull back as I'm being over friendly. I don't walk into a room and say to myself "ok it's TIME TO BE NICE NOW". It just happens. Ive actually been told at one of my jobs more than once I'M TOO NICE.

Yes, I partake in kayaking groups with my partner and volunteering for clean ups in the neighborhood. He also volunteers as a maskot so that gets me out to meet people also.

Ditto!!!!!

For one example: I had a neighbor that asked me to pet sit for them. Over the years I would do this often and I didn't mind as I loved caring for all their pets. One of their cats loved being at our home and we loved him. They volunteered to watch my dog once and it went well as they adored her also. My dog passed away and they came over to say goodbye. We always stopped and talked with them when out walking our dog as she got along well with their dog also. We were neighbors for about 8 years. 3 months ago I heard from another neighbor they were moving far away. This made me sad. Not once did they mention it to us. Days before they asked me if I had seem their cat and I told them yes he was hanging out on our steps in the morning. They then told me "oh by the way we are moving in a few days ". I really enjoyed them and their pets. I stopped and bought some nice flowers for them to plant in their new home (they are gardeners) and bought goodbye gifts for cats and dog. We had a beer and talked at their house. They moved and ghosted me. No invitation to their new house , no further communication from them at all. I sent a couple texts to say hi and ask how everyone was adjusting to the new home. Id get quick responses back saying everyone is good. I miss them and their animals. It makes me sad to walk past their place and it's still empty and now overgrown with weeds as the owner hasnt kept it up (they were renters ) Oh well. I've reached out quite a few times and I guess I should just let it go. So it's things like this that make me sad. I also have a story about reuniting with a half sister that my mother gave up for adoption that had ghosted me also. It's my life.