My husband and I have been together 16 years - since we were 18 and 19. He is a musician but it's more of a dream/hobby, he has a day job that pays the bills. He is passionate about his music however, always has been, and he's talented. The last 7 years he has been helping artists to write and produce songs, helping them develop their songs then recording and mixing them. Much of this has been for the love of it/experience though sometimes he earns a little money.
What I find hard is the artists are almost all female, beautiful, talented too and younger than me. His studio is set up in an upstairs room in our house. So when these woman come round to work with him, it's generally an all day thing, where they arrive or he picks them up from the train station early in the day say 9am, and they head home around 5pm/6pm. So they arrive in my house, then they go upstairs with my husband and spend the day with him. We have young kids so I usually take them out somewhere for the day. But it really affects my mood and I feel very down and flat in the days leading up to the session and immediately after.
What infuriates me the most is I can't get a handle on what bothers me. I don't think he's having an affair or would cheat on me. I really don't. I think he doesn't realise they could easily fancy him - but what would it matter if they did? I think I feel jealous these women get his attention and time for the day, which is time we rarely get together since our kids are still little - but then, they aren't having the time with him at my expense, if the session wasn't happening we would be with our kids, not alone together.
The thoughts that upset me the most are when I hear them laughing, or when I imagine they have breaks to eat lunch etc - I frame it in my mind as "they have lunch together" and I hate it. But what I hate most of all is the fact it bothers me at all. I feel silly, ashamed, pathetic, that it's proof I'm immature and stupid, that most other well balanced people would take it in their stride.
He forms superficial friendships with some of them and they text etc and he is close to flirtatious in these messages, but again he's just being him, I don't think he's angling for anything. We talk about it honestly, I try never to sulk, but I can't get past it. Am I controlling, horrible and jealous?