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Elric

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  1. Thanks everybody for all the replies. It does help a lot to hear different perspectives. Apologies if I dont answer all your points but do I read all! Yes, I probably jumped too fast into this relationship after the break up, and it was like that the time before as well. I agree I should take time to let feelings settle and focus on myself before starting something new. And yes, her problem with the insults, hostility and lack of respect is not new, it just got worse. Also affects other people, but she mostly masks it outside and then rants at home about how X is scum. Of course she has also a lot of good qualities, otherwise I wouldnt have agreed to move with her... but at the end if there is no basic respect there is nothing right? Regarding my friends helping me out... with my previous relationship it was an amicable break-up but they helped me with a temporary place to stay + emotional support. I don't take that for granted and I rather ask for help only if really needed... I think you are right about "That kind of hostility is simmering under the surface constantly", even when things went well and she was nice and affectionate I didn't feel anymore I can really relax around her anymore. Thanks also about the legal advice!
  2. thanks. Luckily I never actually changed my official address as I still had my old apartment and we dont have much in the way of joint accounts besides me paying her phone bill. But very good point about passwords, just in case
  3. Thanks for taking the time to read this and maybe help out. First, I want to make clear that I am not trying to get back with her, but just want to close the relationship without further damage and specially to be able to recover all my stuff that I have at her house (which is basically all I own, including some expensive things). We just moved together to her house but she was in a bad mood since the beginning and insulted me constantly for any small reason, but the last straw was when she found that among the stuff i moved to her place, i had things that belonged to my time with my previous girlfriend (didnt realize it was forbidden as it was just kitchen stuff and sport things which for me have zero any emotional value). Anyway she is accusing me of making her suffer on purpose and many other things and she basically kicked me out. Luckily i still have my old apartment, though totally empty so I stayed here the last 2 days. All I want at this point is to get back my stuff, but the only time we talked together she basically said she doesn't want me to come when she is not in the flat and refused to tell me when I can come in for it or if I can get the things back at all. She even totally surprised saying that she wants to keep my furniture - furniture is not my first priority but also totally unfair. Very stupid situation indeed. Basically her reasoning seems to be that because she is hurt now, everything she does to me to hurt me is justified. That I hurted without meaning it and didnt really anything bad like cheating doesnt change anything on her view, or that I am also very hurt. I cannot even begin to relate with that as i feel i did all i could for her and even now i dont wish her anything bad. When we talk I try to be calm and not attack her back, but after many constants baseless insults I something cannot avoid saying things that hurt her more (like that i didnt enjoy the holidays together that she organized etc). She is also now convinced for some reason that I dont like her physically because she is much shorter than me (not true, i always found her very attractive and told her that, and sex was amazing) and that I am still in love with my previous girlfriend (also totally not true, she bases that only in all the photos that could still be found in facebook of me with her - now deleted) What should I do? Should I push to go to the apartment to just get the most important things or better let her cool off so we can maybe actually do it in a civilized way? Any ideas to try to make her take "revenge" out of the break-up? all my break ups were very civilized so i feel just confused. Maybe bringing a good friend along would help, though I am a bit reluctant to involve them, as they already helped me out with me previous girlfriend... Thanks for listening!
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