Buzz86

I'm a Persian guy and I'm familiar with its culture for sure.

I don't want to generalize anything but it's typical of people here to play hot and cold, especially females; it's a cultural thing. It's a sign of insecurity and immaturity and I suggest moving on. It's been painful for me to come to realize it myself after wasting precious years of my life discovering this secret of eternity! I understand what you say. It's that you want affection, validation, love and your partner won't reciprocate the way you want. It's NOT that you have low self-esteem, but your partner had been an abusive one . I have to deal with such people almost daily here. There's not much wrong in you, all what you have to do is just letting yourself forget about this one and also consulting a psychologist might help! Good luck!

11 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Pardon. I don’t think I mentioned anything about sex. It must have been someone else. These are all good points of reflection. 

Regarding your colleague, do you work closely together? Or in other words, require communication to complete tasks or things needed for your job? If the answer is no, mute her and let the messages go unread. You can check them next year in 2023 if you like. Don’t let it be an issue.

Document instances and leave the messages as is that are unprofessional in private in case you’ll need that if anyone goes the sexual harassment route at work. 

She's my classmate (yep, sry my mistake). I'm no longer worried about her behavior because I've found the root of the problem and that she will NEVER do anything serious because of the following. She had been extremely hurt by her parents and ex-bf and she's been "heavily guarded". That was where conflictions started. I felt that my feelings are not being reciprocated and she was unaware of that. In addition to that I realized that she's a misandrist. It's frustrating. I could clearly see that in her behavior. She would argue with anybody including other females. And the reason I'm obsessed with this is that I still couldn't forgive myself for letting her in and letting her come so much close.

So, yes. She's scared and won't approach whatever. I see obvious signs that she's changed her overall behavior. I guess now she's got a sense of how politely she should behave and how to respect people genuinely.

This case is closed for me now, for real. Will take some time to completely get over this one; trying to break the obsessive thought patterns.

I'm focusing on my study right now and I'm not biased toward anything and won't let this unfortunate relationship affect my future relationships. I just checked and my female classmates are very polite and respectful that I enjoy talking to them stress-free.

Thanks so much everybody and thank you Rose for letting me re-think my defined principles of love.
 

Not sure if I can close the topic.

Yeah this smiling is continuous😄 I always used to be like this for no reason xD

On 1/2/2022 at 4:16 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Make 2022 the year you let go and free yourself from this.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You're still trying to control her to manage your obsession with this. Leave her alone. Stop stalking and do not keep trying to contact her for a reaction.

You're in a power struggle in your head. Do not stalk or harass her with telegrams telling her to leave you alone. You're the one not leaving someone alone by doing this.

If the obsessing persists, see your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Blocked; done.

And meanwhile, I realized that she's blocked me again as well. I have two phone numbers and realized that she's blocked my main number as I'm seeing "last seen a long time ago" on the main one and "last seen recently" on the other one.

Didn't want to do this but I don't want to give her any chance to approach in the future(I don't like the block games).

Thanks so much for your help. Just a question. What's next? 

I'm actually glad that she's blocked me too because this gives me more freedom and a better chance to move on. Right now I'm feeling becoming my true self again which is imo a lovely person!

Dunno why but right now I smiled without any proper reason (like always I used to do before this relationship), feeling relaxed and content (but yet definitely in shock since everything happened so quickly that I couldn't completely get over it.)

The good thing is that now I can meet people of high quality, without any 3rd grade mind games:)

I have to fix a few mind-patterns that have been left from the relationship. Will have to find new activities and interests to follow.

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Make 2022 the year you let go and free yourself from this.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You're still trying to control her to manage your obsession with this. Leave her alone. Stop stalking and do not keep trying to contact her for a reaction.

You're in a power struggle in your head. Do not stalk or harass her with telegrams telling her to leave you alone. You're the one not leaving someone alone by doing this.

If the obsessing persists, see your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Indeed my thought process is something like this for now, just like you said. I'm aware of that stupid mistake I would commit and would like to simply stay away from her, focusing on my study.
Things didn't go well when it was supposed to be, so I'm not gonna waste my time and YOU guys' time with this anymore 😂 Simply ignoring her and forgetting the patterns no block needed. I haven't blocked anybody up until now and don't want to do this because it's just obsession and indicating that I actually care. let it go. If by any chance I see her trying to approach, I will report her behavior to the security office of the university.

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

If and when she messages you directly simply do not respond.  If she escalates -shows up where you are, etc you can deal with that then.  Do you think she is familiar with community or college resources for mental health issues?

She's trying in a way that allows me to approach her/chase her. I wouldn't at all even dream that she would initiate something in this case; now. She behaves like a psycho/narcissistic person.

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Do you think she is familiar with community or college resources for mental health issues?

Not at all. The last time I heard from her was that she's taking antidepressants. There's nothing I could do. I tried my best by providing ways to help her study better and grow as a person.

@Wiseman2The only reason that makes me reluctant of doing anything that would stop this completely is that her personality has changed a lot. But I would like to see how a healthy relationship looks like, therefore I'm trying my best to completely forget about her. Let's act indifferent. She will have to forget about me when she sees me moving on.

1 hour ago, JoshTheLuz said:

Hey, you right. Sorry for repeating that but I miss the old me, that’s why I keeping repeating it is like a mantra to let me take back what I used to be. 
so in your opinion a person that behave like this is to avoid? 

Two options. First is playing games to get your true self back. The second is to rage quit and enjoy your life, you will gradually find your way back to your true self.

The third one is a combination of these two (which I appreciate more). In your case the second will work.

2 hours ago, JoshTheLuz said:

she sometimes became a girlfriend immediately after I payed a restaurant or we went to cinema or I organized something incredible like in a movie

Another obvious sign that your should have broken up with her when you felt this way.

Focus on your study. Do not chase people.

On 12/12/2021 at 8:36 PM, Batya33 said:

I never dated online but met many men in person -over 100 -where the first contact was through a dating site.  It was a great way -of several ways -to meet people.  I didn't rely to any real extent on the photos, etc because we met in person ASAP.  In real life.  Then dated in real life if it made sense.  If the photos were inappropriate or repulsive of course I didn't meet the person.

Got it. I checked stuff here where I live and got to this point that things are complicated here (like I was expecting.) and it's better to forget about things here.

The only trouble I'm in is my colleague which I was in contact with. This semester is conducted online and we both have to be active in a few whatsapp groups. We broke up about 6 months ago. She won't stop trying to grab my attention either way. I tried changing my phone number but didn't work. She hasn't messaged me directly yet since break up but won't stop doing that way.

This behavior won't allow me to recover from the break up and move on. Apparently she doesn't want me to forget her but she's mentally immature (Despite being 24 y.o) and had been toxic to me.

I don't want to message her directly either, but I would like to know how to make her stop acting that way and move on forever? NOT a good case for me. She has to deal with her own issues alone, I'm not her doctor (previously I mentioned that she's suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts.)

Thinking of messaging her directly on telegram telling her that I'm no longer interested in anything and asking her to leave me alone. Is it ok? Wanna move on quickly. I have to focus on my study.

She wants me to chase her because this feeds her ego, nothing else. A terribly rude and toxic person. Feeling sorry for myself for wasting my valuable time and energy at that point. Anyway, do you guys have any ideas how to do that? How to tell her stop without doing anything that would break her heart?

The bad thing about the last relationship was that the first term in the university was on-campus and I saw a girl and I liked her personality but it was a bit late to initiate something. the next term (which was online) I saw a girl messaging me non-stop and thought that it's the one I liked so I started texting back (and she hadn't had a profile picture of herself) and later on, in the middle, I realized that the girl I'm talking with is not the one I've been looking for! I confused her with someone else! that's why my last relationship turned into shi-t. The last one which I confused with I would say has the most toxic personality in the uni. If I had known it's not the one I'm looking for, I wouldn't have initiated anything. That's what represents as a frustration with myself for what I did. Still couldn't forgive myself for making that silly mistake lol, because that classmate I'm talking about had a terribly toxic personality and I let her cross the boundaries.

Anyway. let's forget it.

On 12/11/2021 at 1:22 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Go through all your social media and clear out the dead weight. Reset ALL your privacy settings so you can control who views your content and who can follow or message you.

Live in real life not through social media. Control your online presence by maintaining self respect and dignity through keeping private.

That means use social media wisely. You can't control the nonsense other people have on their social media but you can control what's on your social media and who can view it. You can also decide how much time to spend viewing it.

Go through your device and app settings. Turn off notifications. Don't let pings run your life. Check social media when you feel like it, not when some device app pings you.

That's what I always do. I don't put too much effort on making online things look better, including my profiles.

Notifications are always off even messanger apps (to avoid distraction). The main thing that makes me insecure is that I don't put effort into making my online stuff look better while other people do and I'm a bit hesitant whether what I'm doing is ok. It feels like a race, and not sure who does the right thing.

You guys helped me with real life stuff and I put a lot of effort into making my real life personality better by being my real self and really appreciate that. Just the problem with online stuff still persists. I won't be having any problems afterwards. Online stuff are tricky and hard ones because people are putting too much effort into it (and not in real life, that's why it's easier for me to forget real life scenarios unlike the online ones). Maybe cutting down the internet usage? I think so. Let's forget about profiles and stick to real life. I will try using internet only to get what I need to succeed in academic life and music. Legit.

On 12/11/2021 at 9:50 AM, Cherylyn said:

You deal with it by remaining realistic and know that people on social media are not always what they seem in real life, in person.  Unfortunately, with social media, there's a lot of deception and insincerity so beware. 

Being guarded, wary and jaded are actually protective built-in mechanisms.  Naivete doesn't pay.  Don't be overly trustful because that's what gets you into trouble.  Make sure your radar is up and always listen to your gut instincts and intuition because the majority of time, it's always right.  Take heed. 

Done. Seems like people are obessed with social media stuff these days and are putting a lot of effort into making their profiles look "irresistible"(just came across several websites with the tag how to make your profile pic irresistible). I wasn't aware of this as I don't have social media accounts (I'm busy with real life but "had been" obsessed with profile pics). Great points, noted, thanks.

On 12/11/2021 at 9:13 AM, Rose Mosse said:

It's probably a better idea to start getting to know people in person rather than through social media. Individuals can edit their photos and develop completely different personas online.

Keep it genuine and down to earth offline and spend time in person getting involved with organizations of your choice (volunteer) or talk to your program advisors about extra opportunities on the side.

Perhaps there are tutoring or TA positions or other available opportunities on campus where you may be involved and find enrichment/fulfillment. 

Also, set some limits for yourself in your use online and limit interactions that don't add to your life in any real way. Gossip? Conversations you don't think are of interest to you? Pass. Find other things that interest you and keep yourself motivated. With romance, keep things even simpler and if you gravitate towards individuals who have qualities you like continue doing that. Don't waste your time with people you don't really like in the first place.

Hey Rose Mosse, thanks for your suggestions. Good points indeed noted, and I will consider doing them soon. And there's something I'd like to talk about xD. I've been curiously thinking about one of your remarks almost everyday, which was about my genuine intention of getting into a relationship and whether it's to have sex or otherwise. I asked myself sincerely whether it was because of sex or not. Good question.
And the answer was a NO, fortunately. That's because if you really love sb, then you wouldn't let them feel even more vulnerable when you're not sure about their current living situation, whether their fundamental needs (for example, satisfaction with life, success etc.,) are being satisfied (these are just my honest opinion). Culture plays a role at this point.

Anyway. The main thing I afraid of is that I'm extremely picky in real life situation and haven't yet found one that I really would fall for and that's mixed feelings; I want to get into a relationship (not now ofc, plans have been changed) but in the meanwhile I don't find the girl of my dreams and that's frustrating.

One important question. How to deal with the social media pressure? seems like nowadays people are so different in real life than who they show up online.

On 10/13/2021 at 11:48 PM, Cherylyn said:

Change the type of people you socialize with.  This is how you put yourself in a more mentally sound, stable, normal, kind environment.  Become very picky and choosy because it pays off later.

Hey, after a few months of contemplation, I've come to realize that this is me who has been making things worse, mainly because of high standards, being extremely picky, and impatient.
It wasn't all my fault either, those who I had a connection with were not at all up to my expectations, and I'd been unknowingly playing games with people.

I've realized some patterns need to be demolished, some thoughts patterns that potentially ruin a relationship. I would not let the partners approach, and in the meanwhile, I want them to have feelings for me.

When not in a relationship, I feel highly confident, which attracts. I look highly insecure and impatient in relationships (like playing games with people), and there's repulsion.

Of course, it's not only about my issues, the partners hadn't had some personality traits that are most valuable for me, like they were only trying to win me, and that's why I'd been unknowingly playing games; letting them be disrespectful and crossing the boundaries and start playing games with them. This is a psychological pattern that would happen in specific situations, and I'm aware of that. And also I suspect it's the social media pressure. Because in the real life out of the social media, I'm extremely picky and confident, exactly opposite of what I look in online scenarios.

I've decided to temporarily stop initiating any relationships, work on my mental health, and pursue my dreams. I'm not in hurry to initiate a good and serious relationship/friendship. It feels like being a real man ngl.

14 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Usually there are so many clubs available at UNI that you could join. See which one strikes your interest. But from what you've written, I'd change your mindset in this case to just enjoying a group of people in an interesting social environment--a good way to enjoy the minimal leisure time you have.

Sometimes friendships take years of exposure to each other before a closer friendship evolves. Sometimes people click right away. You need to be realistic that instant friendships are more rare. If you're too intense and thirsty to make a friend, you will scare him/her away just as you would with a gf, going too fast.

What I get from what you're writing is first and foremost in a friendship you want a shoulder to lean on. Someone to help you through problems. Most people initially think of new friendships as a source of good company to enjoy a meal with and to chat about common interests. Later, if you've developed a strong bond, it's good to have a sympathetic ear, but if you find yourself friendless, it could be that you overdo that need for a person to cry about your problems to.

You might start a study group for people in your major. I went back to college to get a B.A. in my late twenties. A group of us oldies in my major, about 8 of us decided to form a study group and would meet at each others homes and shared notes, etc. and had discussions about the professors' lectures.

Even if no lasting friendships form, there is still quality to short-term connections such as this. Seems as though your mind could use some expanding. That's why the expression exists of "thinking outside of the box." 

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Yep, excellent points! I understand I need to change the way I think about various things including the friendship definition itself and the way I can make a long-lasting relationship. I will need a few months to work around this because I need to re-form my thoughts pattern. I feel I've come one step closer to the actual roots of such problems and I'm currently working on them one after another.

Thanks everybody ❤️ for your time and help. Will try my best and get back to you guys whenever I'm done working on these stuff.

4 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Ok that's fine. Have your goals but learn to roll with it also. Studying non-stop with no work or play will only cause burn out. You have no life outside of school and your mind is healthy and active. Put it to good use and start volunteering or involving yourself in other activities or sports. You appear to have good drive and motivation to do well but your mind is spinning in the mud. For example, I have a niece who loves animals, specifically birds. She volunteers some of her time on weekends at a bird sanctuary for rehabilitation of wild and abandoned birds, some local and some exotic. She's adopted two parrots in the process and her work at the hospital working with people has a new dimension. She also cares for animals in her free time. 

Being a perfectionist is well and good but don't overdo it and live in a world of fantasy as you describe. Make better use of your time. 

People are layered and sometimes complex. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you need to work on being multi-faceted yourself and keep up your motivation and drive. 

Your English is good.

That's right. I work too(part-time though) and do volunteer projects as well.
I don't have enough time to do things. I think I haven't fully described my situation yet, that's why. I'm a senior in the uni, and my current major is related to Engineering and I'm gonna change my major to Physics (so I've been having to study the 4-year materials in 2 years all by myself), and in the meanwhile, I've been pursuing a minor in computer science and attending many other courses including vocational training, workshops, online courses .... Ohhh that's a long list right? Add my current uni courses to these! That's a lot of pressure already and I can't do anything about that, because that's how I can make a buff in my resume. Classes 6 days a week, and volunteer work on the seventh one lol. So, unfortunately, I can't do anything regarding this.

23 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Have you forgiven yourself for your bad choices as far as relationships go?  You sound like you want to fix something like you are broken.  Do you feel broken?

 From what I have read you are doing exceptionally well so slow your roll a little and and let some things come to you instead of feeling like you need to force the issue.  Friendships is one of those things that just happen but you certainly can do things to increase your chances of making a good friend.

All in all you have your priorities in order, you are self aware of your faults and are working to improve who you are and you are open to new ideas.  There are a lot of people your age that aren't even close to where you are.

 Give yourself a break

Lost

I wouldn't think of the bad choices that way. I mean I'm up for an experience; it could be heart-breaking or showing you the way of life.
It's hard for me to say whether I'm heartbroken or not because a person that goes through trauma can't decide on anything (a trauma mainly caused by trying hard to be a better person). Just tried asking myself whether I'm heartbroken or not and I couldn't give it a proper answer.
Yep, that's right. let's just forget everything and take a break from thinking about things. Thanks so much for your supportive comment : )

This is good, because I've figured out a few important things. Now I'm gonna think about an action plan.

AND I haven't asked you guys how my English is (definitely it's obvious I'm not a native English speaker), but curious about it. Would appreciate that if I could have a feedback on my English communication skills, whether you can easily understand what I'm trying to say or not. Thanks.

On 10/15/2021 at 1:34 AM, Cherylyn said:

Lower your expectations of others and you won't feel surprised, shocked nor disappointed anymore.  With all due respect, in some regards you are naive as I once was.  Like you, I was sensitive once upon a time.  No more.  I've come to the conclusion to accept people as they are even though I may not always agree with how they act towards me.  For example, either they'll forget about me, they're apathetic, indifferent, very busy with their own lives, preoccupied with their troubles, poor health or endless other reasons.  Once you accept this concept, you will feel numb towards people and know  this is universal human nature.

Not everyone is available at your disposal.  I have a few close friends in my life.  However, I deliberately back off and give them lots of time and space.  They come around eventually but I'm not waiting for them.  I'm very busy with my own life.  We schedule something but my expectations are not high.  I'm realistic, reasonable and flexible. 

Follow other people's cues.  If they're enthusiastic about socializing with you in person or during correspondence, then do what's comfortable for you and respond kindly and generously.  If you sense they're very busy for whatever reason, give them a wide berth.  Exercise discretion. 

Even though some people might be considered friends, realistically, some people are just good acquaintances.  The less you expect, the less you'll feel hurt. 

You really need to concentrate and focus on your studies and you will reap what you sow later. 

I didn't have friends back in the day.  I was extremely consumed with working full time grave yard shift, financially supported my young, widowed mother and younger siblings while enrolled full time in college.  By the time weekends arrived, I was mentally and physically exhausted.  I didn't have time, energy nor brain space for friends.  I know I should have but I felt drained. 

After years of toil, I finally rose up the ranks at work. I graduated and FINALLY had time and enthusiasm for socializing.  I had the time of my life because suddenly I was surrounded by friends who had arrived just as I had done.  I had exclusive membership to the same successful and prosperous club.  Those were the glory years.   Your time in the sun will come if you study hard, work hard and remain patient.  

It can feel lonely while you're a student and early in a career.  The real fun begins after you've made it.  Then you'll barely have time for an endless steady stream of friends who will be crawling out of the woodwork.   Success attracts success.  Birds of a feather flock together.  When you're a winner, you'll suddenly be surrounded by winners, too.  It's how life works.  Keep in mind, you can also afford to become very picky and choosy regarding your preference for high quality people in your life.  Good things happen to those who wait as my mother used to say.

 

Thanks so much for your guidance and for telling me about your experiences appreciate that.
I've figured out what my problem is.
The problem is that I fantasize to infinity. Either it is talking to a female or male.
I fantasize like imagining how the perfect girlfriend would look like and my brain tries to replicate this pattern and make it exactly the same as the way I fantasized.
And this leads to disappointment.
Not only with girls but males as well (Fantasizing about the perfect male friend, for example trying to collaborate on some projects in the future and then having our start-up) and this leads to a disappointment as well.

When it comes to a girl which I have a feeling for, I make a perfect image of them without my knowledge, and then I compare "that perfect image" with what they currently are and with how the relationship I want to be, and then I get frustrated again. Because neither they are perfect, nor they have any plan for the relationship (like what are the boundaries, what are the expectations, and things like that. they just want to have somebody in their life without any proper plans and that's what I hate most).

I have an overly perfectionist personality trait. I understand that they are behaving normally and this is me who has lots of expectations. Whatever I look into, is just an obsession with perfection.
Expectations cause me to expect a kind of "fast process" in everything and that ruins everything. Oh damn, thanks so much. Can you believe you helped me figure out something that I've been looking for a long time? I knew that I've inclined toward the "being fast in everything" concept, but didn't know what the underlying reasons could be.

Let me further elaborate on this. In friendships:
High expectations >> they should be fast and perfect >> they should answer fast, message/call more, they should become the best in the uni, trying to turn a normal relationship into a girlfriend thing while they are not my type (fantasizing and perfectionism) and so on.

Yeah xD I understand what you're saying. The real fun begins when you have satisfied the most basic needs (like securing a job and having money and the inner satisfaction that comes from our perception of the situation; like have we achieved what we've been fighting for? and so on)

Tbh I feel a bit insecure, mainly because in here; where I live, people of the same age tend to engage in trivial stuff that AT LEAST makes them happier for some time.
But I haven't done such stuff, either it is timepassing with friends or enjoying my time with a random girlfriend. All that I've done has been studying non-stop chasing my dreams.
I tried to convince myself with such thoughts that I will have whatever I want when I achieve my priority goal but yet, fails.
That's why I seem to be eager for example to enter a girlfriend relationship because I'm not sure about the future whether my hard work will pay off one day or not. What if it doesn't pay off? My goal is like this: Get admission and run, then buy my fav car, a house, have a group of true friends, run a start-up, a girlfriend of my type, marriage, and so on. 

10 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

You seem a bit eager. That's good. Keep up the motivation but chill out and lay back for a bit. Focus on getting into the school you like and enroll in the classes you need to enroll in. There are always jitters not knowing anyone in a new place but don't overplan everything. Have fun.

Yeah you're right. I tried commenting about it but then removed. That's right, living in the moment matters. I will think of it later when I find myself ready for that. Let's just focus on studying.

Thanks.

Seems like they are just thinking of a short-term friendship while I'm looking for a long-term one. Yep, that's it. Because they have never talked about their future plans unlike I do and when I asked about it, they had no idea.

12 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Concentrate on your studies.  Friends who are similar to your personality and character will be available when you're ready. 

In the meantime, if your shallow friends approach you only because you will benefit them or they need something, politely decline.  Be gentle yet well mannered and firm.  People only take advantage of you if you allow them to.  It's better to be alone than lonely with the wrong people in your life.

Yes exactly. I think I'm mostly a talkative person when it comes to talking to my friends (and again frustrating; because I don't have such friends in real life. I've only known a few people online that were acting very interestingly, sharing common values and even personality traits that I'd never worried about the texting/calling thing. How would YOU deal with such people that would never contact? I understand that people can be pretty busy these days, but how about not talking for a while. For example, is it normal that your friends would never contact you unless you initiate a "short" conversation? I have no idea about this(I'm not ugly or anything like that. Colleagues and professors think very highly of me). These are the people that cared and talked to me in my difficult times (to some extent, but not noticeably supportive though). I'm not an egocentric person to dishonor their good deeds; all I'm trying to say is that they won't change a few minor things that I would like them to do. I've tried many times to change this but they didn't change. (let's just imagine I've moved out to another country, I can say this without a doubt that they will, as I will, forget each other like nothing was existed because they don't contribute to the friendship itself. That's what I've always been skeptical of. I think although they could be supportive, they are not my type.

Sorry, I'm just trying to make sure everything is just right.

3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

What about time for play? Or work? Just studying can drive anyone nuts or feel disconnected from the real world. Do you work as well?

Yep I'm working part-time (since I'm a student) and trying to socialize with people that potentially could help me improve and I'm currently satisfied with it because its community is multi-cultural.

I play online games, make music xD

Those are the things I can do for now because I'm busy with uni stuff.

I would like to ask a question if you don't mind. I'm trying my best to get admission from one of the US grad schools and I'm wondering when I should try befriending other people or dating there? (if you ask me, right after getting there lol because I'm somehow familiar with its culture since I've had friends there) just curious.

4 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Change the type of people you socialize with.  This is how you put yourself in a more mentally sound, stable, normal, kind environment.  Become very picky and choosy because it pays off later.

Exactly and I haven't been aware of this. Good point indeed. I've figured out that culture plays an important role here and this has been the main reason why things didn't go in a good way. Thanks for that, noted.

3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Good stuff that you've given it all some time and worked a lot out , exercising, etc 🙂 .

You feel something is missing?  

Do you have hobbies? Hang with friends? Journal? I find getting out that way also helps, as It's another form of 'release'. ( out of mind, onto paper).

Even things like yoga, can help you out- I find that's like a calming form, although slow movements. It's good.

You can also make your own environment pleasant.. adding plants, have some sunlight (brighten the home), enjoy nice scents ( i like candles) 🙂 .  And I do a lot of my own things and have 'my time', I do my crafts, watch my shows, in peace..lol

Ah thanks, very cool ideas. The only bad thing I would say I have is lack of having true friends and I hardly can change that for now and I accepted this situation because I have to concentrate on my study and I've figured it out that I can have such friends but not here where I live. I used to be friends with a girl from the UK and she helped me a lot getting past things that I'd found difficult but I didn't try to make the friendship stronger as I wasn't mentally ready and didn't want to involve other another person's emotions while I'm not sure of my mental state.

Yep and that's it; friends, I don't have good ones (saddening)(the ones that I could hang out with and get support from, this is a kind of shallow friendship) for now of course.

I've always been wondering what I will have to do with my current friendships (which are shallow friendships if you ask me, they only approach when they need something. They never call or text or anything at all (this is the thing that my last friend (a girl) realized but it was so late (that she should take care of such things). For now, I enjoy my own company.

Yeah those are cool ideas I'm gonna try them for sure xD thanks.

I've had relationships with some ##holes the last two years and now I'm trying to get back into track but don't know what I should do in order to speed up the process.

I do exercise and eat healthy and most of the time I'm busy studying for the uni courses but a bit difficult to deal with.

So far, I've tried changing my phone number, cutting-off all the ways that could connect me to those frustrating, toxic people, doing regular exercises and having various activities.

But I feel I need to change something as the last stage of removing everything from my mind and I can't figure it out. I've improved a lot since the last time I'd been here and appreciate all your helps! I feel a lot better, optimism, got a cool job, my stress level has been reduced by a lot.