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Disolated

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  1. My wife and I have been married four years. We have a 20 year old daughter away at college and 4 year old boy at home. The first 1-2 years we bickered and had to get used to each others habits. For example, she prefers the home to be spotless but I'm OK with some messiness as long as the major things are fixed/paid for, etc. We have found some common ground in that area. I'm better about my cleanliness and organization and she's not letting a little clutter get under her skin. But now we constantly argue about one of us being offended by the other. She accuses me of being in a bad mood then argues with me about it. I accuse her of not caring about things that are important to me and I isolate myself. Then we argue about that. It's like we just accuse each other and fight. Rinse, repeat. And sometimes I step back and think, what are we fighting about? No major things happened. Bills are paid. Kids are happy. No one cheated. No addictions. I grew up in a house with a tomboy mom, dad and brother. Left at age 20, bounced around the region until I moved back to our hometown. She grew up in a house with parents who fought. Then a divorce and just her mom, then she had her daughter. Then she lived at home for 13 years, just the three of them, until I came along. Those two experiences seem to be a difference maker for us. It's like she doesn't understand men's habits very well. And I have an eager personality, not quite as sensitive to her gentle needs. How do we come together?
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