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Everything posted by FenixReborn

  1. Maybe he's in the same place you are? He actually does like you and is thus jealous of the thought of you with other guys, be it a date or sex? No matter how casual the relationship, I can't imagine most guys are really fine with seeing a girl they are with go out with someone else. He's admitting to having feelings for you more then just sexual and he's admitted to being jealous of other guys. I'd say he's not comfortable with this arrangement either. But for some reason he doesn't want to go further. He may be taking advantage of the situation. He may just be confused about what he wants. We can't know what is in his mind. But either way, its not good for you and not helping you be happy. That's the problem with FWB, feelings end up happening even if you don't want them to. Those feelings then make it difficult to continue the arrangement. So it comes down to what you actually want from this. If both of you are willing to go beyond FWB, then you need to make this a real relationship. If one or both of you is not interested, then it's probably time to end the FWB. You'll be free to pursue what you are really looking for without the extra layer of complications from wondering what the other person is thinking.
  2. Julia, We've all made mistakes and been hurt by someone who wasn't right for us. But it's what we do after that says who we are. You picked yourself up, saw what had happened, and learned from it. You got yourself to a better place. That shows great strength and character. Always remember that this is the person you are, a remarkable woman who has confidence in yourself and is capable of doing anything she chooses to do. Congratulations and best of luck in the future.
  3. Your options are limited. Regardless of what you choose, you are going to have to do something that you don't want to do. Be it taking a different bus route or finding a roommate, the only way out of this is to face the anxiety. Prior to the pandemic I was taking the bus to work as well, an hour each way. I've ridden numerous bus routes over the years, and what I've found is that one is the same as the other. People generally leave you alone and everyone is in their own little world. If you can handle one bus, you can handle them all. Also, the bus system I use has monthly passes and discount passes if you meet certain criteria. You may want to check on that to see if it can cut down on the costs. It seems like your anxiety is what is holding you back in all of this. While we are all here to help and offer suggestions, I think you are better off addressing it with a professional. You are allowing it to control your decision making and using it to dismiss the few options you have. You need to face these fears if you want to get things turned around. I know you can do it.
  4. Yes, get out. An alcoholic will lash out at whoever is there and blame them for his problems. That person is going to be you. He has gotten physical with you and it's likely to get worse. For your emotional and physical safety, it is best to leave now. I've watched the affect that dealing with an alcoholic has had on my mother. As hard as it was, he was not willing to change, so she was better off for leaving. She deserved better. So do you.
  5. Maybe you should just ask her? Come out and be honest that want to meet and are frustrated with her cancelling? Yes, it could all be a game and she could have issues. But people do get sick. So lay it out there and let her make the call, meet with no excuses or move on.
  6. Ditto. From what I've observed, when you actively seek it out there is a good chance you will only frustrate yourself more as things don't work out how you want them to. Or you will drive yourself crazy by convincing yourself this a good relationship there when it's really more harm then good. On the other hand, when you are not looking, it creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. The key is to grab onto it once it finds you. So the best course is to focus on you and do what brings you joy. The rest comes it it's own time.
  7. Fudgie, can I just say thank you for being a healthcare worker. You guys are really underappreciated for all you do. From Dec 2018 to Aug 2019 my father, oldest brother, mother, and best friend all had serious health issues with my father passing away. So I've developed a newfound respect for anyone in the health field. We need more people like you. And at least in the US, we really need a better healthcare system period. It's astonishing that so many have to struggle with something that you would think would be a basic right, the right be healthy and live without digging yourself into debt.
  8. "To thine own self be true." We are the one who has to life with our-self 24 hours a day, no matter what. What other people think or do not think of us is not something we can control and is colored by there own perceptions and biases. So why worry about it? All we can do is control our own actions and strive to be the best "me" that we can. I've always felt different then those around me, like I didn't fit in. I don't tend to have the same interests, the same way of looking at things. I was even once advised on how I should change my image. But I've always known that I can't really be anything other then the person I am. And instead of being upset by it, I take pride in it. I try my hardest to be a good person, to help others. I like what I like, and I believe what I believe. As long as it doesn't hurt others, there should be no problem with that. And anyone I would want to associate with, should be able to see that and respect me for me. Where I struggle is watching those who treat others with disrespect seemingly get aware with it and even rewarded for it. I can handle bad things happening to me ... I've had enough practice. I just can't stand watching someone else be hurt and how it often feels like the victims are blamed as much as the perpetrators.
  9. The entire movie is basically a guide to living a good life. Don't be greedy, spoiled, or rude like most of the children. Carry I good heart and dream big like Charlie. And don't be afraid to have an imagination and think outside the box like Wonka. Many of Wonka's lines come out of nowhere but are actually pretty deep. "Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he ever wanted. He lived happily ever after."
  10. I know how paralyzing depression and anxiety can be. It's not easy. But your current situation is not sustainable. So unless you want to be homeless, you need to do something. Take it slow, you don't have to do everything all once. Piece by piece, it can get better. First, the housing situation. Giving the cost, living alone doesn't sound like it will work. Can you split a place with one of those handful of friends? That would be easier then rooming with a stranger. Probably the best move is to move home. I agree, if possible use public transportation. Find a job you can do to sustain yourself for now. Once you have the basics covered, try to think about what you actually do enjoy. Sounds like you need something to spark joy in your life, something you really love. Given you are close to your dog, do you enjoy animals? Maybe find some work or volunteer work involving them? Just an idea, it can be anything as long as you enjoy it. The aim is to get you focused on something positive, something that makes you smile. This can begin the process of pulling you from depressing thoughts and get your mind on better things that can encourage you to be your best. You might also meet people that can help you out with the housing/job situations. Plus, given that you have something in common with them already, it might help you for a few friendships to boost the confidence. I know, it's not as easy as it sounds for someone with anxiety. But you can do it. As an aside, I don't drink either and the one time I went out with people while they went to bars, I was miserable. So I'm completely with you on that. Someone who does that wouldn't be the kind of person you would want to meet, I'm sure. I think volunteering is a good way to meet people. You can do something good which will help you feel better about yourself. You'll generally be around nice people, so they are less likely to make you uncomfortable. You can get to know them over time and hopefully a friendship can develop.
  11. While I think it's natural to notice someone you find attractive, you don't act on it if you are in a relationship. And you especially don't act on it with your partner right there! If he is openly flirting when you are around, how can you trust him when you are? If you have tried to talk to him about it and he still does it, then he is disrespecting you and valuing your relationship. You deserve better then him. Your brother also doesn't deserve this from his wife. Talk to him and let him know your concerns. Then let him work out his own relationship.
  12. Sounds like you are the one ahead. I view romantic love as something special, sacred, and rare. You aren't going to find that connection with just anyone. And as much as the longing for it can hurt, I'd rather hold out for the right one than go for whoever is available at the time. People who jump from one relationship to another are trying to fill a gap in their own life without examining what that gap really is. The hope this new relationship can succeed where the others have failed. They love the idea of being in the relationship and in love, more then the actual relationship. So of course it doesn't work. It's fine to give things a try for a time, see if the connection is there. But if you aren't feeling it, it's better to be honest. It's more harmful to let it drag on when you have no intent of it going anywhere. You'll find the spark eventually, and it will so magical, it won't matter how long it took.
  13. My brother was married to a woman 10 years older then him. While the marriage didn't last, they have remained close friends ever since. Eight years isn't a large gap and if anything, it is less important as you get older. If one was 18 and the other 26, you could argue the two are in different stages of their life. But by late twenties/mid thirties, people tend to be more mature and have a clearer picture of what they want in life. Ultimately it comes down to what you want. It is your relationship, no one else's. As long as a couple approaches it openly and honestly with each other, love each other, and are willing to work together.... it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
  14. It doesn't matter how long it takes, once you finally find that love it will be worth it. Some find it sooner, some find it much later, but the end result is the same. Don't give up hope, you never know when it will happen. I also agree with focusing on the long term goal. Don't settle for one night stands, even if you are wanting some connection so badly that it sounds like a good idea. Focus on doing what you enjoy and you'll like meet someone who is doing the same thing. You can springboard that natural friendship into something more. But don't become so focused on having the relationship that it becomes your only goal. That can lead to it being an obsession that just makes you more depressed if it doesn't happen. It's fine to dream, but focus on yourself first. Love comes in its own time.
  15. A parent's top priority is always going to be the child. Basically, their life becomes your life. So if you are interested in someone with a child, you will need to be expected this. I got the sense that you were annoyed with the situation, which is understandable to a degree when you are trying to get to know someone. But you should probably ask yourself if you are okay with this situation as it's not likely to change much with her, or with any woman who has a child. Another possibility is that she is having doubts about having a relationship. Being a single mom and dating has it's share of difficulties which you both experienced. Maybe she saw that and wasn't ready for it herself. If you really want to know, you could always ask her. You wouldn't be trying to get together, you could just explain how you felt you didn't have a chance to make that connection and if she sees it differently.
  16. I can see ebooks/kindles/etc for those who have vision problems. Enlarging the font is a great thing and help people who otherwise would hurt to much to read the physical book. Personally, I want the actual book. Maybe I'm crazy (well, probably), but I actually like the feel of a book in my hands, turning the pages, seeing the cover art staring at me as I sit in down. I enjoy turning it over and reading the description on the back. I even like having cute bookmarks to stick between pages and save my place. I volunteer at a library bookstore taking in donations and selling cheap books to the public. Or at least I did before this pandemic. So I like being surrounded my books. I've been that way since I was a child when I would beg my mom to read me stories over and over again. And I don't see myself changing. I think society spends too much time in front of screens. Many of us (including myself) have office jobs where we spend eight hours a day in front of a computer screen. Then we fill up hours "binge watching" shows on TVs. Or we are on computer or tablets to get news and watch Youtube. And then there is the ever present phone. People can't even enjoy a meal together without constantly checking their phone for another text or Facebook update or instagram post. I have no problem with these things in moderation, but it often feels like people's life are dependent on being plugged into the next machine. Call me old fashioned, but shouldn't a phone be used for, I don't know, phone calls?
  17. A person isn't who they are the last time you spoke to them. They are who they have been through your entire relationship. People can change. The world would be pretty bleak if they couldn't. But they have to want to change. And no one can make them want that, it has to come from within them. This guy doesn't see that he has problems and as long as he finds someone to enable him, he will keep doing it. He's done it to you, he's done it to other girls. As much as we might care for someone and want them to be the person we see in them, that doesn't always happen. And if it reaches the point where it's constantly causing you harm, you need to get away. You know his behavior is unacceptable at any age. I would never treat a woman that way and most guys won't. But every time you take him back, he knows he can get away with it. You deserve better. You deserve to have someone who will treat you with love and respect. You deserve someone who won't put blame on you or put you down. Call him out on his games and selfish and end it. Then focus on you. Do what you enjoy and what makes you happy. You don't need someone else to make you happy, you should enjoy your own life for awhile. And the next time someone special comes into your life, be honest with yourself on who this person is. If they start to play games, deal with it right away so it doesn't become a pattern. If they can't see how special you are and how they should treat you, they don't deserve you.
  18. Stupid doesn't have a race, gender, financial status, religion, nationality or any other social construct people use to define themselves. It crosses all types of people. It's close friends with ego, people thinking they know whats best for everyone and that only they should be making the rules. And, sadly, it is far too common.
  19. Yes I am and I fully recognize that I'm one of the fortunate ones. I'm grateful to have a job that allows me to work for home (even if I don't really like it lol) and that I'm basically on my own. My heart goes out to everyone that has to deal with caring for a love one, or has an "essential" job that they have to risk their health for. I read a lot of news so I see stories all the time of people struggling to get by, losing a job, living in an area that doesn't take this seriously and tries to force kids back to school only to have it shut down again a day later. I lost an aunt early on to COVID, so I've been effected like everyone has. So it sickens me that so many still treat this like a joke. How many have to die, how many have to get sick, and how many have to risk their life before enough is enough?
  20. Follow your gut. You are feeling guilty and worried about his wife. Whatever you are getting from this relationship, it's not going to be stronger then the negative feelings you are getting. You'll find yourself enjoying yourself less and less when having your chats. It's not fair to you to be the "other woman" especially when you wasn't honest about it in the first place. It's not fair to his wife who probably unaware of this. And it's even not fair to him as he is likely to not be getting what he needs from his marriage and the longer you continue this relationship, the more he can avoid looking at himself and if he is truly happy with his marriage. Nobody wins in this and it will only hurt more the longer it goes on. Also, don't get discouraged being a "good girl." Being "bad" isn't all it's made out to be. The good girls are the ones who win out in the end and find the nice guy who will treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve. That's what you deserve and one day you will find it.
  21. I have over ten years on you and I'm still waiting for that feeling of being loved and having someone to be with. The moments of happiness in my life have been fleeting and the moments of sadness have been far more frequent then they should. I've felt like I have never fit in, that life has been a never-ending cycle of hurt and anguish. All I've ever wanted is to help people and to have someone to spend my life with. Yet, my attempts to help have usually been brushed aside or I've been made to feel like I'm the one who is wrong and have no right to say or think what I do. And the rare chance at love, has never panned out. So I know how discouraging it can be. But I still believe in a better future. I (maybe foolishly) hold onto hope. I'm not religious, but I believe we have a purpose. And we can never surrender to despair and darkness. Try not to focus on what you don't have, and focus on what you do. And if you can't think of anything, at least you have you. You are a wonderful individual, with a good heart. You have skills and talents, you have things that have brought you joy. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Before you can find love in another, you must love yourself. Focus on being the best you that you can be, on being your real authentic self. Volunteer, the feeling of helping others and putting a smile on someone's face can make any soul feel good, lifting it from depression. Turn your sadness into a calling, helping to make sure others don't feel as you have. Take those negative feelings and turn them into positive actions. The more you focus on other things, the less it will hurt. You'll still have bad days, but you'll make it through. And when you aren't looking or so focused on it, when you are happy with just you, that's when things surprise you and happen out of nowhere. And even if it doesn't, you'll be enjoying your life too much to notice.
  22. As for how I'm dealing with changes from the pandemic, what changes? I'm naturally antisocial and prefer to stay in. Ironically, the shy introverts have the advantage in that they've been preparing for something like this by just being them. So other then working from home and wearing a mask, life continues as usual. And please people, wear a mask. You are saving lives and helping to get this under control so we can eventually go back to normal, whatever "normal" is.
  23. The world was already mad. The last few years and certain events (not just COVID) have only made it more acceptable among certain groups to let their feelings out. Instead of being on the fringes, it's became mainstream. People's basest instincts have been encouraged. People have seen that you can be vile and rude with no consequences and so believe they can get away with it as well. I try to keep in mind that as bad as it is, there are more people who stand on the side of light and fight for good. History is an ebb and flow, always marching forward and making progress. We're in the step back, but we're coming to the two steps forward. Never lose hope, cause hope is all we have.
  24. Forget him. And really ignore a tarot card reader who is going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear so he can make money off of you. The question here is, what do you want? How do you feel about it him. At one point you wanted more. Do you still feel that way? Do you even want a relationship right now? You have to be ready and open before anything can happen. Are you at a point in your life that you feel good with yourself and love who you are and where you are with your life? On one hand, maybe things haven't worked out for a reason. On the other hand, maybe this is a long story that one day works itself out. But it needs to be your decision on what is best for you. Don't do anything just to please him. Don't be tempted to fall into old patterns if you don't want that. And don't do it because you feel you need to settle with someone. Listen to your heart and do what is right for you.
  25. House of Cards - Caitlyn Smith "I've been praying, asking God for help But lately it feels like I've been talking to myself...."
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