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Everything posted by FenixReborn

  1. I agree. This was a last minute attempt to do something together that didn't work. It may have been completely innocent on her part. Maybe she did fall asleep and didn't want to message you in the middle of the night, so waited until the morning. Maybe she got distracted by something personal. Or maybe she was wasted, which means you probably wouldn't have wanted to go out with her. Regardless, it's not a big deal. Plans can be rescheduled. If you want to be friends, just focus on being friends. If you want a date, make plans for a real date. Decide what you want from the relationship, and go from there.
  2. Depends on the woman. I've had numerous women tell me they don't mind if a guy is less experienced. Some even find it cute, sweet, and romantic. I had no experience at all with women until 22, yet found myself in a place where multiple girls were flirting with me. So it can happen. I've also gotten plenty of jobs and promotions despite being shy and not the most social person in the group. I'm nice and get along well with people and do the job well. That's been recognized even if I'm never going to be the social beautiful other people are. I think the key really is to be happy with who you are. Put yourself in situations where you can shine and be the real you. That will develop a natural confidence that will show through. If you're doing what you love and makes you happy, you won't be thinking the negative thoughts that make you nervous.
  3. Marriage is more than a legal document. It should be romantic. It should be between two people who really love and understand each other, who connect on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. It's two people who fulfill and complement each other. That's not to say there won't be work involved or hard times. But it's two people who vow to stand by each other through those hard times and come out stronger because their love, trust, and faith in each other helps see them through. Please don't let one guy disillusion you and make you give up on having that kind of love one day. You should be with someone who wants you as much as you want them. Right now, it doesn't sound like either of you really want the other. So what is keeping you together? Habit? The fear of being alone? Something else? Is this really love if you think you have to do something you don't want to do? And most diffidently, do not marry someone if you don't want to. It won't lead to happiness for anyone.
  4. When you break up with someone you don't still kiss them and say you love them. That gave you the impression there was more happening then he probably wanted. No wonder, you were still acting like a couple. If you breakup, make it a clean breakup. You are better on your own and not dealing with this game. Focus on yourself right now and enjoy life on your own.
  5. She has a problem and it's not going to get better until she faces it. Above all else, I worry for the children. As someone who had an alcoholic parent, I know how hard it is to grow up with someone like that. The ugly fights, yelling, not having someone around because they choose to go drink. At least in my case he would mostly just pass out and sleep it off. Your situation sounds a lot worse. You need to get her to confront the issue as it's not healthy for any of you to deal with this. Get rid of the alcohol you have, it's not safe to have it around. But be prepared for her to fight any help. You can't change people or help them if they are not ready and willing to change themselves.
  6. Yep, no miracle is coming that will solve this overnight. At least in the US, I see a holding pattern until next year when things will slowly get better. And even when the virus isn't running rampant, it will be awhile before things return to "normal." Buckle in for another year of this most likely.
  7. I was raised to believe God loves everyone. Jesus reached out to the outcasts, lepers, those who were not the highest of society. So why wouldn't God want us to be fully happy with ourselves and love who we want to love? I've seen plenty of gay/lesbian couples work out great and plenty of heterosexual couples be disasters. If you are happy together and fulfilled, that should be all that matters. We all deserve to be happy in our relationship. We need to be honest with ourselves and what we want in a relationship. If we are not fulfilled, we need to be honest with our partners for their sake as well as ours. The choice is to continue living a lie because of what you think you are suppose to do or face how you really feel. You may love him deeply, but is it really marriage love or is it the love of friends?
  8. My aunt passed away from COVID a few months ago. I'm in a different state so I didn't travel for it, but from what my mom told me it is an odd thing to deal with. They limited viewing the body to 10 at a time and kept the service to the closest family members. I think they might have even put the service on Facebook so people didn't have to attend in person. Smart idea and necessary in this time, but still feels a little creepy to me.
  9. You are both responsible for your own feelings. If you think things are going well, continue what you are doing. If you start feeling uncomfortable, be honest with him and distance if you have to. He should do the same. Don't overthink it. I find people generally have a good idea of what they are feeling and what they can handle. As long as you're honest with yourself and with him, let things happen naturally.
  10. Has she ever had sexual feelings? She seems willing to try things and wants those feelings. So maybe work with her on what it is she likes. If she's felt something in the past, try to recreate it. You both sound like mature, reasonable people who are trying to help each other out and make it work. I hope things go well for you.
  11. Honesty is the best policy. This was a misunderstanding on how best to deal with his problem. You felt he should have space, he needed someone there. Neither side was wrong. So be honest about how you felt. Let him know that he seemed really angry and that you were afraid you would be in the way or make things worse. Let him know that you are sorry for not coming over but that you are here for him and want to help him though things. Once he calms down, I'm sure he will see that you only wanted the best for him. Has he considered moving away from home? If his parents are causing him to be this angry, maybe it's not a good idea for him to be there. He's old enough to be on his own, plus you wouldn't have to be sneaking over.
  12. Yep, he just lost all rights to a friendship. You are better without him. There are better guys who will be non-toxic and drama free. Until they come along, just be happy on your own and not having to put up with his nonsense.
  13. Love can conquer all ..... as long as both parties are willing to commit to making it work. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing. I'm sorry you are hurting. While it may not feel like it now, and may not for some time, things will get better for you. You deserve to be with someone better, someone who will give you love and support and not blame you for his issues. Eventually, your tears will dry and you will see he was no good for you. You will move on and be happy while he will still carry the same anxieties and probably find someone else to blame. Take time for yourself and do something that makes you happy. Treat yourself. A better relationship is out there for you somewhere.
  14. As someone who never could start random conversations, especially with a female I was interested in, I get the fear that it causes. I froze so many time when I was your age. And all I got from it was lost opportunities that I will never know how things could have turned out. What I realize now is that it never mattered how they, or anyone else saw me. What matters is how I view myself. So what if I'm seen as weird. In fact, I'm pretty sure people have thought that about me. Yes, it may not go the way I want and I might hurt for a bit, but at least I can say I tried. And if you try, eventually things will go well. So the first step is be okay with who you are and not think about what others will think. Do you have any classes in common, even if it's not at the same time? Any teachers you both have? Anything in common at all? Starting with hi and a shared topic like that could make it easier to move into a conversation. Ask her something about herself, you'll be showing an interest in getting to know her and she can carry the conversation while you get comfortable. Be nice and try to relax. She's just another person, even if you think she's an awesome one.
  15. Being asexual is more common then you would think. Personally, if I otherwise had a great relationship with someone, I wouldn't let it get in the way. While I'm sure sex would be a great thing to have a relationship, it not the only thing and not the most important thing. For me it's more important to have someone who cares for and understands me, who I can care for and understand in return. The emotional connection is what I would want from sex anyway and if I can get that in other ways, then I would be fine. But it's really about what you are want. Can you be content with what you have right now? Would no sex be something that would cause problems for you or lead to resentment? If you are fine with things, that's good. If you aren't, that's fine as well. You should both have what you need from a relationship.
  16. Andrina, I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm also sorry that sometimes people don't come through when they should. This should be a time of coming together. Try to focus on all the good ones who are helpful. I'm sure they will outshine the few bad apples in the bunch. Seraphim, no need to keep negative influences in your life. Just because someone is blood, doesn't make them family. If you will be happier blocking them and not having contact, then that's the right thing to do.
  17. Some friendships work great among a large number of people and they have a blast all getting together. Some friendships are better one on one. If you still want to be her friend, then just focus on the two of you and not anyone else. If she is going through a tough time, let her know that you are there. Have a good time together. You're not going to fix her issues with other people, so just enjoy the friendship you have with her.
  18. Blame the parents. Okay, not seriously but her past probably does have a factor in this. She learned early that fighting is what a couple does. It's probably normal to her and she may not even realize it. But the good thing is that you have already demonstrated you two know how to work things out. So take what worked before and repeat. Any problem is solved by recognizing the problem, coming together to discuss and work on it, acknowledging each other's feeling, and finding a middle ground you can both reach. Are you in a bad mood and if so why? Can you say you need some space at the moment but will talk about it with her in a bit? Does she take an interest in things you care about? Can she agree to ask questions about those things or listen to you on those topics? Fights happen when we get defensive and are trapped in our own feelings in the moment. When it happens, step back and try to see it from the other person's perspective. If you can calmly talk through things and take a step towards each other rather then retreating away, you can work through whatever is causing you problems.
  19. I understand that perspective and agree it may not be easy or possible depending on the people involved. However, I prefer to have hope that if two people really care for each other and have a deep enough friendship, they can still be friends no matter what. I've met few people in my life I can really relate with and even fewer I connect with on a deeply personal level. With how rare I've found true friendship to be, I try to hold onto that. And I've been the one who likes someone who can't commit. But the friendship and bond we share isn't something I want to lose, even if it never goes to the level I would have liked. As for hearing about the other's romantic interests, maybe the parties just shouldn't broach the topic? Part of the respect each others boundaries thing. If you know the subject is likely to hurt the other, no point in bringing it up.
  20. You can only heal things when both people are willing to take an honest look at what went wrong, admit their mistakes, and work together to get though it. He may be willing to do so, but still needs time. In the meanwhile, focus on yourself. Take care of you and make yourself happy. Learn how to be okay on her own and be the kind of person you want to be. If it works on with him, you will both be better off for the time apart. And if it doesn't, you will have already started the process of healing and being okay without him. It may hurt at times and you may be down. But believe in yourself. You'll get through this.
  21. If you relate well to each other and have a good friendship, don't end it. Just make sure he understands and respects your boundaries. If he is a good guy who does care for you, then he will be okay with it. You can't control how he feels about you, so there will probably be feelings that linger. Those feelings don't just go away. But if are honest and make it clear where you stand, he'll eventually come to terms with it. Personally, I'd rather continue to be friends with someone I connect with even if there is no hope for more. I'd be more hurt if she stopped talking to me at all and ended the friendship.
  22. Sorry for your lose. May he rest in peace and you and your family are okay and can find strength and comfort in each other during this time.
  23. I know plenty of men (myself included) who don't find this normal. Call me traditional or out of touch, but I agree with everything you said. If you are in a relationship with someone, it's not the same as the love you give to your friend or the person delivering your mail. We form these relationships for a closer connection, something you can't get with just anyone. Why people treat love so casually? You answered your own question. Of course it depends on the person, but some combo of fear of commitment, personal baggage, insecurity, etc., are likely to be the cause. If you never get too invested, you can't be as hurt, right? I've stopped trying to understand every reason people think like they do. Analyzing things that I know I will never feel or believe just left me feeling frustrated at best, even angry at times. That wasn't good for me. Instead, I focus on what I believe and associate with people who feel the same. You don't seem like someone who is okay with FWB or polyamorous, at least for your relationship. So don't try to be. Make it clear what you want and expect in a relationship. If the guy is worth you, he will respect that and want the same.
  24. You said you never wanted to speak to her again and admit that it was your fault. That had to have hurt her. It takes time to heal and repair that trust. When you have been hurt, you don't want to put yourself out there too far, especially with someone you are so connected to. That she clearly felt so deeply for you, had to have made it hurt worse. It's been a month, not much time for healing. It sounds like she is afraid to get herself emotionally invested like she was. Do you still want this relationship? If so, you need to let it play out at it's own pace. Make sure she knows how you feel and that you are sorry for what happened. Work to rebuild the trust and make her comfortable with you. Tell her you'd love to talk on the phone when she is ready. Recognize that it's her choice. It's possible that you can't recapture what you had. It's your call as to how far you wish to pursue, or at what point you feel you need to cut it loose.
  25. Hey, we've all had crushes that didn't work out and had to find a way to pick up the pieces. And it's not easy being at home alone, especially right now. It's okay to be down at times and is probably healthy to do so. The important thing is to not dwell on it and to motivate yourself to pursue something you are interested in. Believe me, this internet thing is a never ending source of amusement. I wouldn't take some time focus on yourself. Work on finding that next job or take an online class. Find that hobby you've been ignoring or wanting to take up. What about that show that you never got around to watching? Or find someway to volunteer. Make sure to take daily walks (wearing a mask and socially distancing of course). Being single doesn't have to be a bad thing, it can mean freedom and a chance to explore just being you. At the end of the day, just make sure to do what makes you happy.
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