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FenixReborn

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Everything posted by FenixReborn

  1. Keep in mind that things like hours are subject to change. Depending on the field, if something comes up and they need you for more hours, that arrangement can disappear in a second. A company can promise a lot of things, but you never really know what you are getting into until you are there. I'd focus on two things. One, career advancement. Is this a place where you can grow professionally, acquire new skills, and work your way forward to whatever your career goals may be? Two, company culture. Is this a company you would actually enjoy working for? You want to enjoy going to the job, no matter how many hours it is or what the pay is. Believe me, all the perks in the world is not worth the stress and frustration of dealing with a company you don't enjoy being at.
  2. Good plan. It seems like it would be so easy, right? Really annoying when everyone else won't co-operate and keep trying to drag you into their stuff. lol Do the best you can. Be polite and nice and respond if you have to, but keep it short and to the point. Then drop it and return to what you were doing. Sounds like you're doing well.
  3. Wish I could you a specific time for "too long" but it varies. Some people talk a long time to get over someone. Some people can move on quickly. Like most relationship things, it kind of all depends on the people involved. My philosophy is to just go with your heart. When you feel it's right, go for it. There's never a perfect time and it's a risk whenever you say it. You know her best, so you'll know it. When you can't hold it back anymore, when you see her smiling in a certain way .... tell her. I'll probably be different then most advice you'll hear, so feel free to do what you think works best for you. I've never bought into the "friend zone." I think it's more a justification guys (and some girls) use to explain that there simply wasn't that level of mutual attraction or that the timing wasn't right, etc. It's not like your boxed into this corner where you can never escape from. Friends can become more, and relationships can end and become good friends. In fact, the foundation of a good relationship is a solid friendship. If things don't work out, it won't be because you were too much of a friend and that caused you to be stuck from becoming more. It's just that it was not meant to be. Which would suck, I know. But it won't be something to beat yourself up over. Bottom line, just be you. She already likes who you are. Don't overthink it. Just go for what you want.
  4. My parents divorced at 19 but i was still at home due save money for college. It wasn't a pretty divorce and there was a period where they were both still there, so I know that's not easy. By moving out, your father probably did the best thing. If they can't get along or work out their issues, then it is better for everyone that they be apart. Otherwise it would end up being non stop fighting that would just get everyone down, especially in a lockdown where you are basically stuck at home and people are more anxious and on nerve. At some point, one of them had to leave so that everyone can start the process of moving on and healing. He probably should have talked it over with everyone first, but he does need to be away. Also know that this isn't your fault. The issues are between your parents, not you and them. They both still love you. That is probably the one thing they won't argue about. They want what is best for you. Unfortunately, you are caught in the middle, even if they don't realize. Sometimes parents are so stuck in their anger and sorrow about the divorce, that they don't see what their behavior is doing. They lash out at the other person because it's easier to blame them then to admit your own faults and actually address what went wrong. As much as you might want to play peacemaker or help them through it, they have to be the one to decide they want to make things better for themselves. Let them know how you feel. You have a right to be upset at the situation and should not be used by your mom to get back at your father. Make clear that they are both your parents and that you love both of them and want a relationship with both. Let them know that you are hurt by their behavior. They should be willing to respect that. Keep your relationship with both separate so you are not dragged into their issues. And focus on you. At 17 you are entering a major period that should be your focus. You are nearing the point where you can decide what what will be best for you. Don't get sidetracked by their issues. Hang in there. Things get better.
  5. A three year old shouldn't be taking a school bus. When I was starting school I remember how much I disliked it and that was with my mom dropping me off and picking me up. So I can imagine how much worse it would be having to take a bus. He should be taking a bigger role in your son's life. When you are a parent, the child should be the top priority. If there are problems in the relationship, you need to address it for your sake and the child's.
  6. Was it one time or a repeated pattern of behavior? In the heat of the moment it's easy to grab onto anything you can and throw it back at the person, lashing out in anger and using it as a weapon to hurt them. It's not right, but it's human. If the person is genuinely sorry afterwards and tries to make up for it, working on the anger and doing their best to not have it happen again, that's one thing. But if it keeps happening then it's a sign of emotional issues that need to be addressed. Even if you are at fault for something yourself, that kind of reaction is not the right way to handle things. Look at the whole picture of what the disagreement was about and how each of you responded. Was it based on the passion felt in that moment? Was it intentionally to harm the other? Was it in reasonable proportion to what the fight was about? And did you work though things rationally when you calmed down? The best way to handle a fight is to keep calm, take time apart if you need it, and then come together to have an honest, mature discussion.
  7. If a person is going to be that specific about something physical, that's not probably someone you want to be with. Think that says a lot about her and her issues. Yes, that level of shallowness is sad and far too common. But don't let it get you down. You're loosing the weight for you, not to make some random person happy or meet their impossible to meet standards. And you're doing great.
  8. The situation can work. I was the one interested in someone else only to have my heart broken. She was the good friend who supported me through it all who had feelings for me. She let me work through my feelings first, just being a great friend. And one day I realized my feelings for her. And it happened a lot quicker then you would think. I think you are handling things well. Be a friend to her and just enjoy being around each other and doing things together. You don't need a plan, trust your gut. When the moment is right, you'll feel it. When you tell her, be honest. Just don't wait to long. I also wouldn't feel bad about the ex. You can't control who you are attracted to, and you are not doing it to intentionally hurt him. If they are not together, you should be able to pursue what will make you happy. And he can be sure that you will treat her well.
  9. To be fair, you offered to make the CV and send it in for him. You tried to push for him to go for the job when he didn't seem like he wanted to. So I don't think you should be upset with him over that part. However, I see that your intentions were sincere and that you were doing it because you care about him and want him to have a better job where you would be happier. So you shouldn't feel bad about that either. Talk with him about how you are feeling. He is giving more of himself to the job then to you and it's alright to be upset by that. You can't have a relationship if you barely see each other. This is bothering you and it's not healthy for you to hold it in, so you need to tell him. It's also not healthy for him to give so much to his job. If the relationship is going to work, you need to come together and figure out how to move forward.
  10. Did the ex get pregnant while they were still together and then they broke up? I'm reading it as you two were broken up and he was in another relationship that involved her getting pregnant. Then they realized it wasn't working and broke up. While that is unfortunate and not ideal, it can happen. Doesn't make anyone a bad guy though. It doesn't seem like he wants to be with the ex and that they aren't going to be happy together. But they are now forever linked due to the children. Also, you seem to be the one pushing him away. You said as much in your previous post and this time you admit to saying nasty things. Why do you think you do this? I don't mean to put it all on you. This is a sticky situation all around. He needs to figure out if he can make the other relationship work and put his children first. While you should look at yourself and ask what it is you want from a relationship. Can he provide that for you? Or will this other woman being in the picture (not necessarily romantically but due to the children) be an issue? Do you even want a relationship right now or would you be better off on your own? At the end of the day you need to do what will make you happy. So take this time to figure out what that is.
  11. The sure sign that you are over someone is when you can do the things a friend would do (such as say happy birthday) and not have it bring up bad feelings. Then you know you've truly moved on. If you are comfortable with it, then it's a good gesture to make. If it would hurt you more, you shouldn't. Personally, I was glad when the girl that hurt me contacted me again. It helped me see that I didn't feel anything more towards her and there was no ill feelings or regret.
  12. Congratulations! Keep it up you stud.
  13. Glad to see you are doing better. If you are doing well, I'd avoid situations that are likely to bring you down again. You can still keep contact with those that you are okay with and whose friendship makes you feel better. But why out yourself in a position that is going to make you feel worse?
  14. What do you feel you can handle? Will you be okay if things stay as they are? If you cut off contact, would you regret not seeing if things could go further. The choice should be what you think is healthiest for you. Yes, five months isn't much time to get over someone. So you shouldn't rush it. However, I know from personal experience that a good way to get over someone is to have someone else be there for you who can be a great friend and help you see that you don't need to stay stuck in the past. Also, if he's not the type to make initial moves, he's not going to change. So if you cut off contact and wait for him to come to you, that's not likely to happen. It's your call on what you feel comfortable with.
  15. Unfortunately you became the friend that helped and supported her while she walked on issues of her feelings and emotional issues. Yes, she does care about you. But she isn't willing to commit to you. Something similar happened to me. I got close to a girl and had eight months of getting close only to have her pull away. When things were great, she would talk of the future and marriage. But it wouldn't last. She would say she needed to figure things out in her head. One day she came back saying not that she thought there was someone better, but that she had found someone else. What I realized was that she was the messed up one and that no matter how much I loved her, her behavior showed she couldn't give me the love and respect I deserved from the relationship. Try to see that there is someone better out there for you. As unfair as this situation is for you, you'll be fine and have something better in the future.
  16. A wedding shouldn't be about location, travel arrangements, status, recreating something from your family's past, etc. The purpose is officially uniting two people who love each other and are vowing to spend their life together. Everything else is a bonus. So the two of you need to talk it out and determine what is essential to each of you and how much each of you is willing to compromise. You will need to be able to do just that when you are married on a variety of subjects. If the wedding brings fighting, that is something that should be address before you get married. Personally, if your family can't travel, then I think a local wedding makes more sense. If her parents were willing to pay for your family to travel, they can use that money to travel themselves. Then the honeymoon can be in Mauritius. No one gets everything they want, but you all get something. That's the kind of compromise you'll get used to in a marriage.
  17. Not getting along with in-laws is common. If he is naturally anxious, the added stress of dealing with people that make you uncomfortable is probably overwhelming. So you shouldn't expect him to go along with you. He married you, not your family. However, if it makes you sad, you should always talk to him. Don't make it a fight or accusation. Let him know you understand his feeling while explaining yours. Reach a compromise. Understand if he wasn't want to go with you most of the time, but he can should be willing to go on major events.
  18. He said it himself. On some level he probably does care for you. But for whatever reason, he isn't ready to be in a committed relationship. A person is who they have been in your entire relationship and all along he's shown you that he won't commit. You need to focus on yourself and not put yourself in the person to be hurt again by someone who has done it before and openly warns you he will do it again.
  19. Exactly! This is something I have to keep reminding myself when things go wrong. But often people's words and actions are more about them then they are about us. People become so wrapped up in their own bubbles and dealing with their own issues, that they don't see how their actions affect someone else. It's good to learn to not take things too personally. As long as you know in your heart that you are a good person and are trying to be the best you that you can be, what other's do/do not do isn't that important.
  20. Yes, it helps when you have some distance. Guess I'm lucky we're on opposite sides of the country. That's a great write up. Anyone passing you up is missing out. And that smart one that does respond, she'll be the lucky one.
  21. If we tell a person something in trust and let them know we don't want it being told to others, then of course we would expect that they do not tell others. We are trusting them with personal information. It is not their place to tell others our business. If you wanted someone to know, you would tell them yourself. In an ideal world, this would not be a difficult concept. Unfortunately, we live in this world. I've learned the hard way that if you don't want something out the only safe thing is to keep it in your head. Don't tell someone else. Don't say it aloud if there is anyone within possible earshot. Don't write it down. Even the people you think you can trust will at some point let you down. jennylove, you need to create space between you and your mom. As close as you might be with her, and as tough as it might be do to, she's shown that you can't trust her like you thought you could. So keep the relationship to things you are comfortable with others knowing. Otherwise, you'll just be setting yourself up for being hurt again.
  22. "I think after he got the sex he wanted he chose to burden her and overshare about how he feels about his ex, and try to dissuade her from being with him." That's a long way to go to get someone to break up with you. And if that was the case, why would he then say "You’re not losing me, I want you to know that. I’m not going anywhere either." It's possible he is using and taking advantage of her. But without knowing him personally, I don't think we can judge his character that way. From what we've been given I see a person who is very confused and mixed up emotionally. He's had two relationships that ended poorly and he is trying to work through things in his own mind and heart. If all he wanted was sex, why bring it up at all? He could have continued sleeping with her, and seen the ex on the side. The few intimate experiences I've had with a woman have been highly emotionally charged and the experience (even if it's not intercourse) left both of us feeling connected and vulnerable. I was able to share my feelings, fears, and doubts more than before because of how close I felt to the person. I wasn't trying to get anything from her. I wasn't even trying to be intimate with her in the first place, I initially thought of things as just a friendship. I know to some sex is something to "get." But I see it as an act that can unite people and assist them in opening up to each other.
  23. I'll echo the sentiment, talk with your finance. It's his mom so he is probably even more worried then you. I'm sure he would be understanding should you feel the need to postpone. It may also be a plus. Depending on what you were planning for the honeymoon, COVID may find a way to limit your options. Most destinations around here are either closed or cut back. The most important thing is getting married. You have a lifetime to celebrate and go on the honeymoon.
  24. As a shy person I can say that anytime the other person takes the lead in something, it's appreciated. If you like her, why wait? Try to get in touch with her anyway you can. As long as you're not messaging her constantly, I don't think it would be viewed as creepy. It's simply a person wanting to get in touch with a friend. And since in person is not an option those days, that leaves electronic means. Though I'll warn you that if she is really that shy, it might take some time to get her out of her shell. Be patient, be kind, and just focus on having a good time chatting with her.
  25. I fully understand wanting to watch over and protect your mother. My mom gave up a lot to raise me so I've always been the one to stand by her when others didn't. But there is a point where you realize that she is an adult who makes her own decisions. If she chooses to let your sister take advantage of her, that is her choice. You can't let that ruin your life and make you miserable. Like you said, you wouldn't be abandoning her. You will keep in touch and you can still "advise" your mom from afar. However, you are not responsible for her life and what she chooses to do. If she listens to you, great. If not, then that is on her. Don't feel bad about wanting to get away. Sometimes it for the best when we leave things behind and truly get on our own to spread our wings.
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