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Cathy93

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  1. So a few weeks ago, I met someone online and we immediatly hit it off. Just having a really good time together, playing games, after a while even flirting with each other at times and that lead to us sexting and sending photos as well. We have agreed that it's just as good friends and that he doesn't want me to hold myself available for him as he lives on the other side of the world. He as also reassured me that we will still be friends when I get a boyfriend and I won't be able to do all the extra sexting stuff with him anymore because of that. He messages me a lot, even during times I expected him to be busy. He has messaged me a few times, first thing when he wakes up. He has asked me so much when I will be on and when I'll be able to talk to him. He has asked me personal questions and has often said he hates how we can't be in the same room and asked why I live in a different country. So that left me wondering wether his 'we can't be more than friends' speech, was meant more for himself than for me. We can talk to each other about anything, I have a lot of mental health issues and he genuinly wants to hear my problems and be there for me. I don't have any friends so I'm really insecure about myself and dead scared of him finding out how boring I am and leaving like everyone else (Something I'm working on in therapy and again, something I was able to discuss with him and he was really supportive and reassuring). A few days ago though he said he was feeling guilty because he felt he was taking advantage of my insecurity. He didn't want me to feel that he was my friend because of the photos and the sexual side and he wanted me to feel secure about him actually liking me for who I am and feeling secure that he wasn't going anywhere even without the photos and when it got back to that when I was feeling more secure, that would be fine. Thing is though, I found out yesterday that he is married... He has never mentioned her. I usually speak to him during the week, when he's at work, because he's 'too busy' during the weekend. Now I guess I know why. I just can't help but feel that the reason he feels guilty is because of his wife and that he lied about the whole wanting me to feel secure thing. I know I should probably confront him about this. I'm not against polyamorism, but I can't stop thinking about his wife and at the same time, I'm sick and tired of always being the good girl. I have literally no friends and now I've found this guy I can just hang out with and I'm about to lose him as well. I know there's other people out there, but it's literally taken me years to find one that I feel comfortable with (I'm autistic so hence the trouble with social stuff). Even if we stop the sexting stuff, I can't help but feel that his wife would feel happy about our contact. I don't know what to do anymore and after me getting screwed over ing again, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again.
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