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Salome

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  1. Well this is a very difficult situation for you. Usually being betrayed does not eliminate the positive feelings you had. i guess i feel guilty because you might not be the type for revenge? your actions are absolutely understandable and also (!) you were not wrong. Our society holds the ideal to stay out of every trouble. He appears to be strong on machiavelism, so in MY opinion it is not the worst thing to report him. it is gray area, true, but not 100% bad. Try to process what happend. you need to feel all the negative emotions that go through you. This is not totally different from any other breakup. i think it was freud who said, said betrayal by a loved one is one of the worst experiences and loosing someone you love (no matter if it's love or LOVE) leaves a void that can only be filled one way. So give yourself some credit. if you feel the need for professional help do that. but also try to have faith that things will get better. And meanwhile listen to george michael :)
  2. Thank you very much for your thoughts. That is actually exactly my goal. I will try to cut loose completely. I signed up for a ballet class (something wanted to do for the past two years), i started to reconnect with old friends to widen my social contacts, i plan to learn a new language... I want to make myself the center of my existence. At the same time i am extremely sad about the idea ist might have been too early for the both of us to meet. And i got the idea he felt the same way. That's why i suggested we should not give up completely. i meant to give him what he wanted because i knew i couldn't change his mind. I do believe in absolute freedom in a relationship. Everything should happen out of free will. So if he doesn't want to be with me i can't help it. But i think we just got into this muddled situation because we both weren't done with processing our past experiences. So thats's why i wanted to create us an opportunity. Maybe he just isn't the guy to be in a relationship with. So in order to prevent myself from pain i will try to get over him and meet up with him completely open to any outcome. My ideal is to reach positive indifference. Though i am not there yet since we broke up yesterday Right now i am filled with the fear that i might have made a mistake by telling him to not have contact since he really wanted to connect and wanted to talk to me about so many things yesterday. Yet i believe we need the space to give us the chance to start off of a emotionally balanced base. I am really pretty much a nervous wreck at the moment and filled with ridiculous questions: did i make a mistake? will i hurt myself? should i have agreed to staying in touch via texting? is the time frame too long? is it too short? Iam not in control of the situation yet my mind tries to analyze and prevent mistakes. i am an idiot.
  3. Hey guys, I am new here and really hope to find some advice or consolation. My situation might just not be what you may expect: I am quite nervous actually. My partner and i met shortly after my last breakup and during his amicable breakup after a 12 year relationship. It was very amazing and we formed that very beautiful, peaceful, caring connection but at the same time it showed that we were not emotionally ready to open up and so often driven by fear. When it comes to attachement theory he would be fearful avoidant and i on the other hand (surprise) anxious(though i worked hard on that and it only shows when i am in a very stressfull period). After 8 months we started to drown in pointless fights (a very stressfull month during which we both had to to deal with extremely emotional devastating situations like death, losing jobs etc) and after 9 months he called it quits. He said he felt emotionally tired he didn't feel open for a connection between us. He was certain there was no other way but to break up with me and at the same time he was devastated because we both shared an amazing bond (in the past he expressed that he never felt such a connection and intimacy with anyone before). Well... i suggested instead of just breaking up there was a different possibility. I suggested we should take a break of three months, meet again on the day of our first date. Then, after calming down and taking care of our emotional business, we could start again. A reset so to call. He liked the idea. At first i suggested 6 months but he was scared over a period that long we might lose sight of each other so i reduced it to 3 months. When he asked if we could stay in touch i told him that i think it would be best not to, that i feared we might get used to being platonic and that i want us both to focus on ourselfs to be ready for each other when we meet again. He agreed and made clear he doesn't want to take the chance of us losing the spark over that. Which surprised me cause before he asked if we could try to be friends in the future to make sure we wouldn't lose each other completely. Anyway after that we were ready to finally cut the ties with staying in touch only over our agreed date, the music we can share on spotify and that's that. We shared an intense hug and said goodbye. Our breakup was complete... Also i should mention that our relationship was rough because he was leaving a polyamorous situation with his ex to enter an exclusive with me. We both put a lot of pressure onto ourselfs to decide quickly if we want to have a commited relationship instead of just enjoying our very comitted company and let things just naturally flow. As i said: we were both emotionally not ready for someone new. That's why i had the idea to strip off all the pressure by trying that reset. I really do like him and i hope this reset will help us get back together but at the same time i am scared that these 3 months without direct contact are too much and he will just ... well... lose his feelings for me. Any thoughts...?
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