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Brunette91

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  1. I feel this. You aren’t alone. I know what it feels like to try and feel better to have it fail. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I also try my very hardest NOT to go to my family or friends about any problems because sometimes I feel like it just makes it worse. They love me, so their opinion sometimes is in defense of me and not looking at the situation as a whole. I hope your therapist appointment is helpful for you. I also want to have kids, but even in my situation I know this isn’t the time. I have to fix myself and my problems first. Sometimes we think having babies, getting married and getting a new puppy/kitten will make everything all better. It never does. We make us better... not them, not your parent, partner, friend or coworkers. We have to do it, is just having self control of emotions that’s hard. Once we conquer that, I feel like all will fall into place. Hang in there! Things will get better, what goes up comes down and vise versa. Thinking of you and hoping happier times come your way soon.
  2. Thanks for your response, I actually find it very helpful. I want to change myself, I’m sick of being insecure but I feel like I’m stuck in this constant cycle of negativity and I can’t get myself out. My insecurities get the best of me 90% of the time and not saying my BF is perfect, but I think I cause a lot of our issues. I could really benefit from therapy, but money is an issue at the moment. We have been together 3+ years and in our late 20’s. Sometimes when one bad thing happens, I take it and let it eat at me inside and then spew it out on him mainly, but others too. Covid hasn’t helped me in the slightest, lol. I know someone on here said CBD doesn’t help, but I find that it actually helps me calm down when I’m in a negative cycle. If I take it daily, I don’t feel as tense or aggravated or mad all the time. My job? Well... That’s a whole other issue. I don’t love my job either. Obviously solving my problem starts within myself, I just need more emotional control. I can’t change others, but I notice when I’m in a better place - so are the people around me. Maybe it’s just my view that hiders my happiness? I don’t even know. IM A HOT MESS LOLOLOL
  3. My regular doctor is a DO. I chose this doctor deliberately. I have told them about my issues and they told me to see a therapist as well, only problem is the cost.
  4. I made a list of daily chores for covid home time because I was going crazy. I have been going by them for over 3 months and it has been helpful keeping me on track. I have never been one to go off a list, but my other half is a neat freak (and I’m not a messy person - but I’m not a “neat freak”) and we haven’t had any differences when it comes to cleaning very much in the last few months. So, maybe you could try something like that?
  5. Hello to all. Please be kind, it’s taking a lot for me to come forward with this. No one is perfect right? We all have our flaws. I and my other half both have our flaws. Hell, we fight and then get along like it’s no ones business. We fight about small stuff mainly. When something bothers me, I will take it and run with it for hours.... DAYS even. He is less like that, but loves to push my buttons at times and fuel the fire at times we aren’t even fighting. I noticed when I’m on my best behavior, which I hate to admit... is not always. He is fantastic. When I’m down, he’s down. When I’m mad, he’s mad. It’s almost like I’m in control of the whole emotional rollercoaster. But, I have been like this my whole life. I feel like I have a mental disorder or I suffer from depression and I’m really good at hiding it and deflect it with anger. I just don’t know how to cope with myself. I am more interested in a holistic approach to things. I am taking CBD, I listen to guided meditation, walking more and I have talked to a therapist which I hated and never went back 😭 Talking to family/friends sometimes makes it worse. The CBD is helpful, so is the guided meditation - but I’m on a real down right now and I rely on my other half to lift me up and when he doesn’t I get upset. Let’s be real here, even I know that IM IN CHARGE of my own emotions, not him... not my family, not friends, me.... I am. So, it’s tough. I know I’m wrong for feeling that way, but I can stop feeling that way. SOS. I sound crazy, I promise I’m not lol
  6. Hi there, I don’t agree with what you posted at all. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Your life is worth living. I have felt so terrible at times in my life, but I made it through. You will make through this. You are not alone, even if you feel like you are. You may not have anyone close to talk to, but there are always people on the internet and therapists! I even talk to my grandparents in heaven sometimes. I just talk out loud and it makes me feel better. When I’m really down, I listen to guided meditation to help me through my emotions and it is healing. Hope you’re feeling better today ❤️
  7. Honestly, this sounds all too familiar. Unfortunately, more than one relationship of mine has sounded this way. I actually think it’s me. I read this book called the “surrendered wife” by Laura Doyle (forgive me if the title is wrong) because I was struggling AGAIN with someone new. I am a very insecure person (due to a variety of things that happened to me in my past reltionships) and this book made a lot of sense. If you’re trying to save your relationship, it may be worth a shot. Some of it seems IMPOSSIBLE TO DO. Like, giving compliments to your other half even though you’d love to tell them to pick up their FREAKING dishes Lololol. A lot of people disagree with the book, because they say you shouldn’t just cave into a guy and let them be s to you, but I tried some of the methods and they were helpful and I was shocked they had worked. If you are looking to end your relationship, then do so. But if you’re not, I think with effort on your side to just take care of you and just pretend that he’s not bothering you much when he’s out and you’re just minding your own business, doing your own thing... he may be like “wait a minute...” 🤷🏻♀️
  8. Oh dear, well. You can tell he really likes you if he drove over to discuss everything. Personally, I find the situation minor (like it it was me, I probably wouldn’t have gotten really nervous or anything) - BUT, I have never had something abusive happen to me to cause any triggers that way 😭 So, your reaction is completely understandable and I think that’s why he was in such a rush to talk about it. You guys will move past it in no time, I bet. See, I feel like I’m so insecure sometimes that I push people out of my life and then when I have anxiety, they are in no rush to chase me ever. It’s hurtful to know when I need them the most they aren’t there. So, I think the fact that he rushed over is a FANTASTIC thing you should cherish! Sounds like a good guy in my eyes ❤️
  9. Wow! This is a tough one. I come from a family who was separated, even being separated from my sibling for 15+ years (they had 1 different parent) and their 1 different parent wouldn’t allow my sibling anywhere near our shared parent. (Trying to keep this private as possible, sorry I’m not using he/she’s) My non shared parent and our shared parent didn’t work out and I still always saw both my parents all the time. The shared parent wasn’t the problem, it was the my siblings non shared parent that was nuts. My sibling even got removed by social services because of the situation. But anyways, I’m not sure what happened on your end w/ your dad. I can’t imagine having a parent walk out of my life and never look back. It’s not fair for the child. My sibling was so eager to change their last name too. They actually did change it. I only feel like that added fuel to the fire though. Especially since the other side of the family noticed. If you have no interest whatsoever in seeing/talking to your dad ever again and it would give you peace, then DO IT! Do what ever is best for you no matter what anyone thinks. I’m so sorry that you’re having a rough time with all this and then making you feel old memories that hurt you. I hope you feel better soon!
  10. I feel bad, because I know what it’s like to have my emotions played with. I have been dangled and then dropped over and over by the same person until I permanently left. Maybe he really likes you but doesn’t want to actually pursue the relationship due to you guys being related? I mean, I had someone hit on me that was my 1/2 aunts cousin (from the non-related side) and I wasn’t interested because we were closely related even if it wasn’t by blood. Flirting can be harmless in his eyes and hurtful to you if he’s not serious. Idk how long he has been doing this, but if I was you I would back off... A) because he’s my relative and B) because he seems like he’s playing mind games.
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