Up to this day I still can't find my purpose to this life. Sometimes living feels like a punishment because pain is what I feel daily. As it is, I have socializing difficulties and always wanting to be alone. Truth is, I feel letting people in would result in being hurt and also me hurting them. Hence I feel like my existence brings massive pain than happiness. I always find myself trying to please the other party and putting myself last. Whenever I disappoint, I tend to punish myself. Whenever I feel mad, hurt and hopeless I cut myself numb the emotional pain. The only way to put an end to this endless pain I'm feeling is to stop breathing. I feel the world would alright without me, besides my existence don't have any effect on this world, and I'm better of dead. I'm not built to live here, I'm too weak. I wish to sleep and never wake up. I mean what's the point of living a painful life. I just don't wanna be the one taking my own life because I don't wanna seem "selfish" , but I honestly see no purpose of my life.