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ATCQtip

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  1. Thank you so much for your insights, you’ve really helped. Yeah I think I’m being a little too cautious at times & overthinking. Fingers crossed I guess! Genuinely, thank you so much.
  2. Thank you again, you are being very helpful & speaking so much truth. I really appreciate it. When I first told her, she was very cool about it (as she still has been...I think), & said she wasn’t sure how to respond as it was a lot to unpack. I acknowledged & said she could have all the space & time she needed. I didn’t get in touch for two weeks & then she got in touch...& we’ve been chatting/texting regularly since. When I said I’d back off if I was hurting her she said she didn’t want to not talk to me. But I don’t know if she was saying that to try & soften any blow, as she later said that if I needed to go that route she would understand too. As you can see, she is a lot better at dealing with this than I am! I haven’t been bombarding her emotionally (1 wobble since I spoke up but we were good after it, so she says anyway), & I’ve been careful not to text too much. Maybe two or three occasions a week, but no more. We last spoke on the phone two weeks ago this Saturday & we were on good terms & laughing. I’ve left her be really & then sent her a few funny things & voice notes that she said she was crying laughing from. I have been working on myself throughout too & speaking to a counsellor but I feel it would be strange to just drop that into a text conversation when I’m trying to keep things light & fun. But would love her to know I am trying! Sorry for going on about it, I’m just finding your answers very helpful. And I do want to reach out to her but just very aware I could push her away if I’m in touch too often. Her last messages were just a little shorter than usual &, this may sound silly, but without an “x” at the end (not the 1st time, we did that when we were dating, I think I’m just overthinking everything in isolation!). She didn’t ask any questions so I didn’t reply - just because I didn’t wanna needlessly bother her. This was when she said she was crying laughing at the message. She said she was in the middle of watching a show that she had suggested we watch together separately last time we spoke. But I didn’t mention anything as I didn’t wanna seem like I was bummed out about it. As far as she knows, I’m totally fine as I’ve really tried to just be friendly & respond when she responds, back off if she’s backing off etc Wow that’s a lot of info! I was thinking of getting in touch with her (something light of course) tomorrow eve or Saturday eve. Thank you again.
  3. Hi, thank you. This is very sound advice & what I needed to hear I think. I do still love her so I just want to do this right & not scare her off by being needy, which I know will be tough since I told her how I know I messed up & that I regret it hugely. I have definitely worked on myself a lot & I’m coming from a better place. However, being totally alone in a new city has put a strain on that I’m not gonna lie!
  4. Hi Andrina, no I now know we’re perfect for each other & my self esteem is a lot higher. I’m just hyper aware that I messed up. I’m trying to just be friendly for now since she knows how I feel.
  5. Hi, thanks for your response. No she is single too. I do get the sense that she is open to talking about it, just not in lockdown. Which I obviously respect.
  6. Hi, some advice would be greatly appreciated. Last year I lost a friend to suicide & it hit me hard, I was also beginning to go through a lengthy legal action with some business partners, the only good thing I had in my life at the time was my GF. I was in a bad place mentally & had to get away for as I had convinced myself nobody (GF included) wanted me around. Which was wrong, she wanted me but I privately thought she can do better than me. My head was so messed up from losing a friend & the legal action. So I left the country & lived in isolation for a while to try & get my head right again (not the best idea I know now, but great training for lockdown I guess ha). Throughout this, my ex & I stayed in touch. Talking a few times a week & mainly laughing. I started to realise what a mistake I had made but I still thought she could do better than me, even tough we were still talking & getting on like we were together still. I wanted to tell her I loved her but didn’t think it was right to do so. Eventually I moved back to the same country, in a city not too far away, with the hope we could reconcile since we were still talking & texting a lot. Just before Xmas she said that she needed to not talk for a while (I know now, this is because I waited too long to say anything), I was gutted but told I would do what she wants to respect her wishes. We didn’t talk for about a month & a half, which was awful, & then we started getting in touch again. I was supposed to go & visit her (at her invitation) in March but I got called into work. THEN lockdown happened & we’ve been separated since. I didn’t want to bombard her with phone calls or text etc but about 2 months into lockdown I did tell her how much I regret what happened & how I wish I had spoke sooner. I told her I don’t expect a yes or no from her & left her be for a few weeks. She got in touch, saying that I managed the to the incredible feat of too little too late & too much too soon (she said she found that funny), and that lockdown wasn’t the best time to be talking about it but she does care about me. She was worried that this had just been brought on by lockdown & was (fairly, I know) sceptical of my claim that I’d wanted to say something for longer but didn’t. We’ve been in touch a few times but when I feel her going cold, I back off for a few days. Do you think I’m going crazy & should just leave her alone since she knows how I feel or should I still get in touch with her? I love her but I’m not sure she loves me that way anymore. I sent her a few funny audio messages & she replied that she was crying laughing, so at least I know I can still make her feel good. Her reply was pretty short though & didn’t pose any questions so i figure I should just leave her alone for a while? I know this time has been tough on everyone. Any help on this would be so appreciated. I’ve been alone working from home for 3 months & could really do with some sane advice! I know I messed up, & I apologised - should I just leave her alone? Wait a while then try again? Thanks so much for reading.
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