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LordofCircle

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  1. Yourself and several other repliers here are painting me as some kind of serial harrasser of my ex. I'll repeat it again - I'm in indefinite No Contact now. I accept that I'm blocked and I accept the relationship is over. I've repeated that multiple times here. The purpose of my post is to see if No Contact ever results in the Dumper reaching out to the Dumpee at some point in the future. It has nothing to do with harassing the dumper/not letting go of the relationship/not accepting that the relationship is over etc etc. All of that stuff is obvious to me and just seems like weird projectio
  2. Thanks T. A small correction. I actually initiated the space/break-up. She chased me for a few days (I regrettably ignored her). By the time I had put my own head together and reached out, about a week later, she had then decided to block and go no contact. The break-up was unwanted from her initially. She even sent a manipulative message threatening sucide. She also turned up at my apartment unannounced in the immediate aftermath of me initiating a break. I don't know if this information changes your perspective. From my perspective, my ex was confused and sought advice from others w
  3. Thank you for this generous response Rose. My ex is most certainly surrounded by negative and toxic support networks. All her friends are single, enjoying the "dating apps" lifestyle, and having regular wine parties and taking drugs. They are committed to single life and have enticed her to "join the party". This is common and forgivable. Some modern women are influenced into viewing commitment and relationships as oppressive, and that freedom and singledom are the pinnacle of being a strong and independent woman. I don't mean this in a negative way, and I support women who choose this cour
  4. With respect - she blocked me while I was taking a break from her. The block didn't come from me sending her incessant messages (which I never did). The block came from her consulting friends and a psychologist about the best way to move on from a relationship. I'm not afraid of losing her or any of the other unhealthy things you describe. I have already lost her and there's nothing to cling to because the relationship is now over. What I have been writing about is my perspective on reconciliation, re-connection and what that looks like. To properly re-connect you literally have to let g
  5. Thanks for your response and I respect your perspective. To be fair, I literally have "let go of the wheel" because I've gone into Indefinite No Contact with no plan to ever reach out to her again. If the relationship is to be reconciled, then it would have to start with her reaching out. That is respecting her autonomy. Are you projecting something? I was not seeking any advice, or expressing any desire to re-assert any control over the situation. I am seeking further understanding, with the knowledge that life can take unexpected courses and directions. Nobody knows what the outcome of No
  6. "Acceptance" is a key Buddhist philosophy that I agree with. All life is impermanent. This holds true for emotions too, which are transient. A person who once loved another, who loses that love, can rediscover it again. Things like "faded effect bias", "peak end theory" and "grass is greener syndrome" are all real phenomena. So is Nostalgia. "Acceptance" after a break-up is not about acknowledging reality, because we know that feelings can and do change. The acceptance is more a measure to stop the pain and uncertainty of limbo - because there's no clear timeline on when things like nostalg
  7. Agreed. You posted this just before I posted my above reply. You're touching on what I wrote in that there is no accurate predictor of a person's unique pathway through the grief process. Anything is possible - Whether that be reconciliation or "never hearing from your ex again". You mentioned "blanket statements". There is no blanket statement, which is why I find advice like "she's gone", "get over it and move on" etc to be rather lazy, un-nuanced advice. The reality is that nobody knows what the future holds. There is an idea of "toxic hope" tho, and it is potentially a wise decisi
  8. Grief isn't a linear marathon. It's a far more complicated process in the brain that follows no clearly defined path. It's like a 2 steps forward, 3 steps back process. Then suddenly you leap 4 steps forward, and then 3 steps back. Then you might go all the way back to the beginning of the process. Some people never get over it. This is just a scary fact of the Game of Love. No one can accurately predict the journey of an individual on the path of healing/not-healing. I don't think marathons or physical activities are helpful metaphors for grief and healing from emotional loss. Grief is hig
  9. I appreciate all the "move on, don't look back" advice. That's the typical advice when it comes to breakups. However, I think people commonly neglect to realise that "moving on" from a deep investment of 1+ years etc. is not as simple as just "moving on." Anyone who has truly been in love knows that it takes at least a year before you're genuinely not thinking about them regularly. If you're moving on within days or weeks then it wasn't really love. This is a fact of brain chemistry and the way the brain changes when you're in love, and the slow process it takes for the brain to re-wire its
  10. Thanks guys. This is not so much about manipulating her to be with me again, but more about understanding the course that these things take and whether I'm likely to ever hear from her again. I understand that reconciliation is unlikely. However, it seems that most people at least hear from their ex after a period of No Contact (but this doesn't mean reconciliation will happen - I'm talking more about breadcrumbs and curiosity). I'm more interested in this phenomena and appreciate that resurrecting the corpse of this failed relationship is likely in neither of our interests at the moment.
  11. Hello, I'm curious about the efficacy of No Contact. I've been broken up with my ex for nearly 4 months. It was a 2.5 year relationship, very deep emotional connection, but had some toxic elements to it from both sides. It was a passionate relationship, and I made some mistake early on by cheating on her (I make no excuses). However we reconciled and there was a 12 month period of redemption on my part. The break-up happened over the course of a couple of weeks where I made it clear that I wasn't happy with the lack of progression in our relationship. She took the opportunity to break-up
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