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EmBo

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  1. I think I'm better leaving him in general, on note of that. He's so positive, he has a spark, and I don't want to ruin it. You're right, thank you. He will be better, absolutely.
  2. We've been together for just over a year, we started dating at the start of May last year. We both study at university, and we've both agreed to start therapy. I've seen many, many doctors and the like over the years, but it's a first for him.
  3. I agree, he is too dependent on me. The only reason I mind is that it's so damaging for him. He's trying to separate, but failing. He's not refusing to give me space to be fair, and he is trying to do what he can, but I think it's too much for him. It's just not who he is - he only has me, and letting go of that after having no one is hard. It's not healthy, you're right, but understandable. I'm just unsure if he can change it.
  4. Hi everyone, I've not posted here before, so I hope I do this right. I've got no idea where to turn to for advice - it feels guilty turning to friends and family - so I've turned to you guys. Sorry if this turns out long. Me and my boyfriend both have issues. I have depression (which is currently severe) and anxiety. He has nothing diagnosed, but certainly has issues, and tends to worry a lot. He can also get sad out of the blue. Our relationship has gone okay for the first year. We're good at communicating, we deal with problems. But this - this isn't the same. The more we've been together, the more attached he's grown, understandably. But to the point where his mood is dependent on mine. This wouldn't matter, except that I'm incredibly depressed, and so it makes him incredibly depressed. I force myself to be "okay", and he brightens up again. I've brought this up with him, and he agrees. He doesn't have much in his life - he has a few friends, but they're distant as he put little effort into those friendships once we started going out. He's tried contacting a few to give himself something other than me in his life, but even when spending time with them, he's messaging me, asking if I'm okay, etc. He can't be away from me. I wouldn't mind, but it means when he is, he's sad, and his attachment to me means he's so sensitive to how I'm feeling, meaning his feelings, thoughts, needs are all focused on me. The relationship is incredibly unbalanced as it stands, as he focuses so much on me despite it making him sad, and I don't like it at all. I suggested we needed a week to focus on ourselves and boost our mental health and see how we are, but even then he can't stop himself from messaging. It upsets me, not because he's clingy - I don't mind clingy at all - but because his life revolves around me. And at the current moment, I'm an unstable mess. Which makes him an unstable mess. Losing him would kill me - he is the kindest and most understanding person I know. But the only thing worse than losing him is making him depressed. I've been advised that he's staying in this relationship - he's not left, and if it was too much for him, he would have. But I doubt he would have at all - he is the kind of person who would stay even if it killed him, and I think at this point he is staying despite the damage it's doing to his own mental health. He does not have enough self-worth to be able to step back and say "this is too much for me". Because all of the pain he experiences is for me, and so it makes it okay. But it doesn't in my eyes. I'd appreciate any advice on the best way to move forward. If there's a way to fix these issues, I'd love to hear them - I don't want to lose him. But I worry it's too much for him.
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