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Everything posted by Mocoboco

  1. My wife and I have been together 11 years, married for nearly 4 years, have an 18 month daughter. We love each very much: I.e. are very fond of each other, like hanging out, make each other laugh, enjoy doing some of the same things together. My wife recently told me she's not felt "in love" with me for a while though, 2-3 years maybe. We used to be very sexually attracted to each other. My wife used to jump on me and attack me, and I'd do the same. We used to enjoy sex until about the middle of the pregnancy. But now she also says she's not sexually attracted to me either. We now don't even kiss at all, although we do hug a few times a day and sometimes hold hands. I'm wondering if these are really three separate things. If you love someone and are attracted to them, is that different to being in love? I'm also hoping we can reignite things... we're going to marriage counselling to help. We've not had any "us" time at all since daughter was born. We do do "romantic" or "date night" things at home like cooking together most days, having candlelit dinners together... But they don't really mean anything, as in they don't feel like dates. Only going out just the two of us would feel like that. But we can't do that with our daughter and with lockdown together. We had an hour's walk last week when a neighbour helped out, and she said it was really nice to have some time just for us and was a bit more cuddly afterwards, but that effect didn't last. I just don't really know what to do, or whether there even is anything to do... What do you think?
  2. Hi all, thanks for your many thoughtful replies - this is the best forum i have posted on! We continue to have daily chats about this, really exploring things. It's feeling less and less likely we can come back. She mentioned that for years it has seemed like I am dragging my feet with her: didn't want to get married (took a long time to propose), didn't want to have a baby (I wanted to wait another year), didn't want to have sex during late pregnancy or early on having our child (true). I can see that that would slowly kill her passion: her thinking that I did not have the passion myself. Actually many times I turned her down in the evenings even before we got married: my sex drive is very low in the evenings, it's much higher in the evenings, whereas I think hers is the other way around. But we never really spoke about it calmly and carefully, so that must've felt terrible to her. I feel awful now, thinking back about all that. That's why I'm thinking it's hard to come back from this, I've been grinding her down for years and slowly crushed the spark. She says we have all the ingredients of a perfect marriage apart from the spark (which we did have before). She really wants our life to make her happy but currently it doesn't, because of that lack of a vital component. Some of you blame her for what you call the affair: I don't and never have. I know that nothing can stop a human heart racing out the gate, all I can do is forgive her out of compassion. I don't think there's more she wasn't telling me: they had a drunken kiss one night but he wasn't that into it, so mutual attraction wasn't there. Many of the suggestions sound great but somewhat too superficial to really help. Anyway there's more information, please do come back to me with thoughts. FYI we are planning to start marriage counselling in the next couple of weeks. We both really want it to work out.
  3. Thanks for your response, yes we'd to consider marriage counselling. Do you have experience with it? She met the other man through work but doesn't work with him any more and has cut contact off with him, although the feelings aren't going away..
  4. Hi there, My wife and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter, we're early 30s. We get along great, love each other, do lots of nice things for each other and are very supportive of one another. But recently my wife has revealed that she is not really attracted to me currently, and isn't really "in love" with me currently. There's also someone else that she's had a crush on for a while - not something that she intends to act on, but it is distracting and detracting from her feelings for me. Neither of us want to break up, we both want to fight to make it work. We have a lot of great times together and both love our daughter to bits. My question is: is this fixable? Is this something that's possible to work on to get back closer together and attracted to each other again? The sex life definitely fell off with the baby, but lockdown and time to think has made all things worse... Would love to hear any experiences from people that have got through something like this.
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