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manatee

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  1. Thanks for the advice all. I did mention I wanted to see my parents on my day off whilst she was working so I was happy to go on my own as I was feeling a bit lonely at home. She started arguing that I should ask her if she wanted to come and that I don't prioritise her. She goes to see her parents on her own all the time so I don't see what I did wrong as she didn't want to take a day off work. How is that fair?
  2. Thanks for all the replies. At the moment we don't have children. I do realise now that I have played my part in just going along with things and not really putting much emphasis on what I need. When I moved to her home town I thought I could cope being far away and occasionally seeing my family maybe once a month. But as time has gone on I realise that it isn't enough for me especially since she sees her family all the time. Given the lockdown this has made things much worse for me as I haven't been able to travel to see them. My parents are getting older and are going to find it much more difficult to travel to see me. I worry that I will end up regretting not spending time with them. When I have mentioned this she tells me that I see my family enough and when I say I want to visit on my own she gets upset that I didn't ask her to come or she will manoeuvre things so she can come and visit her other family/friends in the area. When I do mention that I am stuggling to settle here her answer is always that I should just spend more time with her family but I can't substitute my family for them and ignore how i feel. It's difficult as she can be really sweet and nice one moment and then can be rude/controlling with a single comment so at times I feel I'm just on edge. It feels like I am living some one elses life and whatever things I wanted to do have taken a backseat. I have mentioned counselling and we will arrange this and see how things go. I do struggle to communicate with her as sometimes I in myself feel my feelings are silly but at times she can turn things against me or hold me responsible for her own feelings.
  3. Thanks for the reply. I did mention that at some stage I would like to move but never put a time frame on it. I do agree that I have contributed to this dynamic of going along with things as it was easier not to rock the boat.It is difficult to get her to compromise and the longer we have been married the more obvious it has become. Our house was her choice and most of the house is full of her ideas. It feels that I am just here to have paid for most of the house and to help out her family. I guess I have been too nice but as I am starting to voice my opinions it has definitely led to some issues between us. I do find that there are issues of a lack of respect for me and my lack of boundaries to date has probably contributed to this.
  4. We both work. My new work is about a 2hr drive away. She works in my home city a couple of days a week and travels by train and works from home the rest of the time. So moving would cut both our commutes. I've brought up boundaries several times but this doesn't get respected.
  5. My wife and I have been married for nearly 4 years. I had moved to a city nearly 2.5 hrs from where I am from for a job and subsequently met my wife and got married and bought a house here. I left my job last year and now have no ties to the city we live in. All my family are back home while my wife's family are pretty much round the corner. They come round nearly every few days uninvited and my wife goes to see them often. I feel trapped here and I miss my family tremendously as we can't see them that often. I have brought up the possibility of moving maybe half way so that we would be between families but my wife told me that there was no way she wanted to live in the middle of nowhere away from her family. I don't know what to do now. If I stay here I'll be pretending that I am happy to stay. My wife can be dominating and I do find resentment occurring on my part as she can be so close to her family but I can't be close to mine. Any advice would be appreciated thank you.
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