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Yohji

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  1. I have been hurt so many times before. So if i cant count on you now, dont do this. Im hangin on the egde of this line. Please be gentle and be kind.
  2. Was just another night...sleepless. Ive grown quite accustomed to this feeling. Although empty inside, i can move forward. But this night at 4am I received a call from her, then suddenly things are different.. again. Oh why after this long? I wait a week without responding...then she leaves a message on my voicemail. Please stop you cursed angel.
  3. Do you understand? Do you get me?... this feeling that something is missing; that life is incomplete. Its simple... its normal to feel lonely during the holidays. I was thinking maybe if you were feeling like i do, we can leave here together and have comfort knowing that we share so much. Maybe we will begin to think things will work out; stop wondering what it would be like to be in our past. Because we must understand we are no longer in their head; Scream out loud that we are no longer in their heart... but if you should stumble, ill pick you up and hold you close. And if you should start to cry, ill press my hand against your face, then wipe away your tears. You are not alone. We are all in this together. Do you get me?
  4. Blueyes...i feel your touch, i feel your sincerity...thank you. I read your story at it is much like my own. Although my path began many years ago, the journey is far from over. My story is a novel and a long one to share. I dont want to dishearten you or give you false hope because we each have are own road to travel. I do know by reading your words that you are on the correct path, neither harboring resentment nor disdain; but having compassion and understanding during such a painful time. He was very special to you. Take heart...you will be triumphant. It hurts tremendously now, but eventually you will be able to look inward and realize that you are a loving creature, that he brought out this wonderful side of you; and the pain will no longer be from missing him, but from wanting to share this love with someone else. The challenge here is to not lose your way from this path, but I struggle with this too. Believe that eventually you will find that special person that is worthy of your love...Without love we are nothing. And you never know, my NC turned from weeks to months to years...then suddenly contact again.
  5. Thank you for everyone's words. Perhaps the biggest problem right now is really caring about what tomorrow holds. The simple things like walking, eating, enjoying, visiting friends all seem meaningless right now. And the thought of returning to tinseltown, the strip is just sad. What can i do to prevent me from losing myself? When will desire return? Outside of this emptiness, i dont feel a thing...emotionally static. No more laughter, no more tears. I hate this limbo...and for the sake of any future i need to take control. But where does it begin? How do i feel again?
  6. The irony of true love is the reality that sometimes we must let it go. It is a decision that goes against all our instincts; all that we cherish; all that is beautiful; for the sake of each other's personal growth or achievement. I let her go as she did me, for the sake of love. And that burden, that curse of realizing what we have done, what we have lost, will shadow our days and haunt our nights. It feels heavy even as we enter our new place in life with new hope...Yet, now having that feeling of personal achievement, I fall back into nostalgia, longing for that love I let go; desperately trying to recapture those feelings of utter bliss; that now is so elusive...We will spend the rest of our lives searching for something we already once had. Again irony...As i lay in bed tonight gazing at the stars, contemplating love's cruel cycle, i have reached an impasse...i am defeated. And just like the night before, ill crawl over to her side of the bed and close my eyes, to be as close as i can to her again.
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