So I want to share my personal relationship story. I am seeking some re-assurance/opinions/advice from people here on this, please be as honest as you can.
I am male, age 30, live in Sydney Australia.
So, for the last approx. 8 months I have been in a relationship with this guy (same-sex relationship). We met and hit it off right-away. The relationship moved quite fast and we progressively spent more and more time together. There was never any intervals when we didn't see each other for more 3 days. It was very passionate between us and unlike the stereotype with most gay relationships ours was not sex-obsessed and based. Sure we had sex and fun like that, but we connected very strongly on a mental and emotional level as well. I remember on one occasion I had a stomach-ache and couldn't sleep. He stayed up all night worrying about me, making me tea and then another tea, and then wiping my head with a wet towel - stayed up all night worrying about me. We went travelling together and had a really good time and memories. To be honest I never had a relationship that went for this long. I started to picture a life together with him (and sometimes I still do). We moved in together about 4 months after we met.
Despite all that, the thing with my partner (or ex-partner) is that he has a problem with anger management and can lose it quite quickly. He also gets excessively jealous of me when I have my attention on someone else like if I text anyone else for a length of time even friends of mine that are not gay. These were always the source of our problems but we both tried to work and compromise together. On a couple of occasions he jabbed me, slapped me on the face and pulled my ears quite hard.
My partner (or ex-partner) is from overseas and in Australia on temporary visa. A couple of months ago I decided that we probably needed to re-evaluate our relationship, maybe spend some time apart or end it. I brought up this conversation with him on the morning of the day he was meant to fly back to his home country for a visit. I figured if we break up on that day he can just pack up everything and leave for his home country and not having to relocate somewhere else.
But he did not take it well at all. He completely lost his temper, said to me – 'How dare you leave me?' and 'You have no right to break up with me as I have based all my life plans around you now'. He got violent with me, grabbed one of those old-fashioned wooden coat-hangers and whacked me hard with it several times on my legs, torso, arms and back – he hit me quite hard he even broke the hanger which was quite thick. Anyway it was not anything life threatening – a few bruises and red marks which all healed within a week.
So he's been back in his home country for the last 3 months, however since then I have re-engaged with him over video and app messenger, and kinda gotten back with him (but I am not sure mentally). He has repeatedly apologised for what he did to me and cries a river when I bring up the subject because of how sorry he is.
He intends to come back to Australia on a new visa to continue the relationship with me.
The thing is that the idea of him coming back to Australia and being around him scares me and fills me with dread and anxiety. I'm fine to talk to him virtually but physically being with him I feel very nervous about that.
I am bigger than him physically and could have fought back last time but I didn't, I decided to it was better to de-escalate the situation. But despite this, I am still very concerned that he has violent tendencies like this. My concern is what if next time he has a knife in front of him and stabs me or something like that – I don't think he intends to do it but he completely loses it when he gets angry.
This really concerns me. Part of me thinks that maybe he's become more mature since then and I've seen some fruits of that but then again I'm observing this virtually, if I'm in his presence again he may revert back to his old self.
I suppose my questions are, are my fears warranted? Could this relationship be salvageable? And/or should I just completely forget about him (which is much easier said than done)?