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La Pinta

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  1. I hope you are too but appreciate your honesty and realism. It is a fear of mine anyway. I’ll add I’m the opposite to your ex in terms of control. She’s been a social person for years and always gone out and enjoyed it without me. Her friends and her colleagues. No questions asked from me. I’ve never tried to spoil her plans either. I understand that if she is unhappy or resentful then nothing will last long. We’ve done ten years so I must have done something right somewhere. I don’t think this is as much about me as it is her new outlook on life and the added burden and tie that children b
  2. At this point the thread has rapidly gone into somewhere I hadn’t intended and didn’t really want. As I really just wanted some opinions on the original exchange. I really shouldn’t have written anymore. Thanks for the angles brought up and helping me get some support with greater perspective from her position. Not that everyone was particularly helpful but their is always one extreme I suppose.
  3. I know it’s pretty poor to say the least. She added she felt out of control of it if I was to divorce her now. So in other words she’s happy to proceed as things are even though she’s brought it to me that we need to split or go to counselling, but doesn’t want to split or particularly go to counselling. This is why I came back to this potential EA and her throwing all this potential dust up to slow down the issue. But as has been said by quite a few balanced people, it’s all looking terribly not good. Possibly salvageable but will take a lot. Sorry to hear you got divorced.
  4. I know it’s multiple issues isn’t it. Yes she has always had a temper and anger issues. She has had continued problems with her relatives and was actually kicked out of her home. I didn’t really know much of this until we lived together. She moved to live with me after a LDR which started through text and email.
  5. This is what I mean. She’s not a stay at home mum. She works. Worked four days a week until recently and now does three with one compressed over the evenings. Phone is in the bed! With her. It’s a throw back to when she needed it for the time, from when the kids were little and we would get up in the night hourly time feed them. Why are you finding this narrative? Federal case? What’s the point of this forum if it’s not to outline what’s going on. Also let’s not forget here, you were the first to reply. You suggested “is she always this flirty?” And you asked for further details? I d
  6. Don’t reply to me anymore. Your not helping and not reading any of this properly. You are also continually attacking me. Now you are saying I am an abuser. Go and reply to someone else please.
  7. Temper and patience mainly. She copes for about forty minutes in the morning before I’d say she looses it with the kids. She wants to be the all focussed, resourced mum but in reality she puts her energy and effort into work. She hated maternity leave and has said she felt resentful to me for working. It’s upsetting and I’m actually upset for her because I know she wants to be more than that but her character prevails. She is very short tempered. Takes things to heart. Gets wound up and argumentative. She’d get into road rage and arguments very easily with anyone. She’s quit jobs due to ove
  8. Time out isn’t a practical option and I often feel a lot of the not separating but continued behaviour and resentment from her is as she often says when she’s had enough “trapped”. Our kids are at nursery and she only works three days a week. Well and into the evenings at home. So she doesn’t have the affordability to walk away. At one point during all this I did say ok ok. Let’s divorce. Get through lockdown. We’ll sell the house. Decide on the children and in the interim you can pay a proportionate amount towards the bills. She became emotionally enraged. Literally pulling her hair out a
  9. Yes I have questioned both her suitability for a serious relationship and being a parent. She certainly struggles at being a parent for a lot of the time. As you say, I’ve swept the reasons under the rug and got on with trying to support her. In essence I think I’ve made myself unattractive in ways by losing my own self respect. Going more than the extra mile(S). As you say. Lockdown gives the opportunity to reflect and decide what hi want out of this. The red herring does pee me off though. I guess I need to get past this.
  10. One of the most helpful and balanced pieces of advice I’ve had in more than three months. You must be successful at what you do because your intuition is probably spot on. Thanks for your post. I appreciate the way you wrote it.
  11. I’m trying to work on me including my wider life. Lockdown has shown me that I don’t do enough outside of the family because nothings changed for me. Where as my wife is really struggling and is only happy on days she’s working and spending time video calling colleagues (not just matey boy). I agree about her going out til 5am. Especially on my birthday and my sons birthday. I know she’s entitled but timing is everything right? Her going out the next week was really hurtful. She actually mentioned it before it happened and she asked if I was okay with it. I asked if she had to. Said I hadn
  12. Thanks. That means a lot! You’ve hit the nail on the head regards considering the children and ensuring ive done everything i possibly can. I wouldn’t normally come onto forums but I'm literally out of ideas (and support). We moved to be nearer her friends and family to better support us having kids. As it is that hasn’t worked out in terms of support but I’ve not made any inroads into friendships due to my job and being available to the family the rest of the time. My wife has developed a very wide range of friends and contacts.
  13. Marketing. The other guy is sales. Ten years her junior.
  14. I don’t want it to be the end. I believe she’s genuinely not sure which might be why she isn’t committing to making it work. I have laid myself bare with my feelings. If she’d had a full blown affair and it was certain I’d still work on it if it meant we moved forward and reconnected. Her feelings about me are “I love you but I’m not in love with you”. I need a little from her though. The phrase clapping with one hand comes to mind. I have seen it exactly as you’ve described. An opportunity for us both to pull our socks up and have the relationship we deserve. I was hoping counselling
  15. Thanks for the reply. I agree with everything you’ve said. It took until March to get an appointment with an agreed counsellor. My wife had strict conditions attached. Days when she would or wouldn’t go. Cost. Couldn’t do evenings. I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. But I found someone. We had our first intro. I found it really positive and so did she. The lady suggested my wife needed a few sessions just with her. To find out what was going on as my wife basically said she didn’t know what she wanted or how she felt. Then the counsellor was sick. Then lockdown started. T
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