Why do I still think about my toxic abusive ex all the time?
This person is my children’s father, they don’t remember him.
We broke up 7 years ago and I haven’t spoken to him in 5 years.
He is always on my mind because the kids look just like him. But I can’t move on, I think about him everyday. He’s in a new relationship, has new children. About a month ago his new girlfriend messaged me because she found pictures of me and the children and was upset that he kept them for so long. It would have been 7 years that he kept these, with numerous girlfriends and moving multiple times. It made me happy, wondering if he still had feelings for me and still thinks about his children. I have dreams about this man and wake up crying. I think about him and what he would think of my new job. Or if he’d approve of the clothes I wear or the house I bought. I just don’t know how to move on. I haven’t been in another relationship since . I’m terrified to bring someone else around my children and I’m scared to get hurt like he hurt me.
He was physically and mentally abusive. But he also accepted me and put himself out there for me at a very bad time in my life. So I hold on to the good things I guess. I don’t still love him. Well I don’t think I do, it’s been 7 years but I still think about him, I could cry thinking about him right now. Am I crazy? Is there something mentally wrong with me that I can’t let go after this long. Will I ever find love again.
Please no rude comments. I always feel pathetic enough as it is.