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  1. I agree that love is a selfless attitude and responsibilities. That's exactly how I feel in fact. What I see - or what I see missing - is the selfless attitude. Doing something for someone more so because you feel you are obligated and have to "payback" is not selfless. It's business. You seem to have found what I'm looking for. That gives me hope and makes me feel a little less concerned. Your husband is the guy that I am, in the situation that I want to be in. You're half of that equation, so thank you for that, and thank you for sharing.
  2. First, my thanks to all for the discussion. My divorce has nothing to do with my original post. Long story short, she decided she didn't want to be married again, and she could not say anything other than "we grew apart and have different thought processes". That's her perspective, I was not able to get her to elaborate, and for two people who started with nothing and built a very nice life together, I cannot understand why she adamantly refused counseling. That's *her* perspective. So over the years since it ended, I've connected a few dots and I am fairly confident I know what h
  3. Thanks for your post. Again, not just limited to my friends. But I have had a friend or two suggest that I just find someone, move in, do what she says, and be happy that I can expect a cooked meal, clean clothes, and sex whenever I need it. Friends who met and one case are still married to their wives and operate in that mode. I'd be surprised f they even kissed during intimacy. Scratch that - during sex. Another thing that just makes me cringe? THese couples, for their SO's birthday, Christmas, anniversary, whatever - they just tell them to go out and buy whatever they want within a
  4. Thanks for your response. Cynical perhaps, but not by choice. And my observations / other data aren't just from my friends. I've heard people talking while in line at Chipolte, and it just seems to be a more common theme than I would have expected. For instance, I've heard couples discussing payment for things, arguing over "whose money" is going to pay for it. Married couples arguing over who pays the rent and who pays the cable bill. Where's the joint bank account? If you're married, it's OUR money, not YOUR money or MY money. And things like taking out the trash - your job vs.
  5. First, I'm new here. Thanks for letting that happen. Secondly, I'm a 53-year old male, separated/divorced over 4 years. Father of twin teens that are the air that I breathe. Marriage ended unexpectedly, still not sure I understand why she refused to even attempt to save it. But we remain as friends and coparent very well. I'm monogamous and have dated a few women but nothing beyond a few months. All my life I thought I knew what "love" was. And it's what I have always looked for. But between observations, discussions with others - friends, coworkers, etc. during my marriage, an
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