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givinguponme

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  1. This is more of me venting. But my mother told me yesterday if she knew how I’d turn out, she wouldn’t have had me. Can’t get it out of my mind. All I want is to be successful to retire them. My parents are the only reason I don’t end it all. I don’t really know what to do
  2. Thank you to everyone, reading all the replies made me burst out crying. I’ve never felt this much support since this happened. In Florida, only one “case” is allowed to be sealed so the theft misdemeanor is on my record for life. I have tried doing business with my talents since I’m a photographer as a hobby, though it’s not entirely reliable. I’m also going to school and have 2 years left for my bachelors. To think so many doors have been closed due to my bad choices really gets me down and I’ve developed bad depression and anxiety, but I’m not financially well off which is why I wanted to apply to promotions, as I need to start making more income to start going to a therapist. I keep shutting myself off from everyone and it’s hard for me to open up as no one but my parents and the director of the organization I volunteer at know. I know I’m a great worker and I’m willing to put in 110% in everything I do if given the chance, and I prove it when I volunteer but then I start to hope and look and plan my future then remember the chains I can’t escape from. Reading your replies gives me some hope
  3. I don’t know what to do anymore, but lately the suicidal thoughts don’t stop. They’re more frequent. They come daily. I was arrested for a theft misdeameanor 5 years ago. I had a withhold of adjudication, but can’t seal or expunge due to another charge I had previously sealed. I messed up badly, I had two lapses of judgement but one that is seemingly haunting me forever. After the case I went to impulse therapy, I volunteered for a year and a half mentoring and teaching children, teaching English, mentoring, and to various non profits, and I did a lot of personal growth. I truly feel I have paid my debt to society and since then I work even harder than anyone I know, because I know I have to prove myself now. But I keep getting denied jobs and I’m scared to apply to promotions at my job due to the possibility of an updated background check which some promotions need, and if I do apply I could get fired because my job which I’ve had for the last 5 years doesn’t know about it. I feel so stuck, I feel like I limit my own self from becoming successful because when I do try I get told no. I’m tainted for life. What’s the point of living anymore? My parents bring it up any time they can, I can literally feel their disappointment like a planet on my shoulders. I’m 25 and feel like my life has no more purpose. It doesn’t matter how much volunteer I do and experience I get without pay by volunteering. It feels like I will always have this debt to society no matter what I do. I’ve never felt this hopeless in my life
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