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Everything posted by NoDisguise

  1. As someone who has been in a similar situation, I would advise you to tread very carefully. When you're in (or just out) of an affair which involved falling in love, you desperately want that feeling to last. Losing it can seem unbearable. But affairs can be like living in a bubble. There is huge excitement, all the novelty of finding someone new and connecting with them physically and emotionally. However you've already hinted at arguments, sexual problems and attempted break ups. These and much more could cause real problems down the line. Sit back for a moment and think of the consequences. Can you trust this girl to leave her husband and family? Even if she does, there is a strong possibility she could go back. Do you want to be responsible for breaking up her family? The truth about your affair will come out sooner or later and you will likely become a hate figure. She has had at least one previous affair. How do you know she won't do the same to you further down the line? And what about your own family? Unless your marriage is clearly on the rocks (from what you've said it isn't) they will be devastated and most likely angry. They may even cut you out of their lives. Can you cope with all that animosity as well as the turmoil of a divorce and trying to sustain a relationship with your new partner? This girl advises a period of separation from your spouses. That may well be a good idea for you even if she has already exited your life. 'Trying to sabotage' your marriage won't work. You either need to forget about your affair partner and concentrate on saving your marriage or tell your wife what has happened and make immediate preparations to leave. Remember that many marriages do survive affairs but very few relationships born from affairs last long. As I mentioned, I've been where you are and there is no judgement on my part. I'm just recommending that you sit back and consider your options and their likely consequences very carefully before making any major decisions. Good luck.
  2. I have been married to my wife for 30+ years. We met quite young & she was my first serious relationship. We could probably be best described as good friends, as in we get on OK but our interaction is fairly superficial. There has been no intimacy in nearly 20 years and very little before that. Our kids have recently grown up and moved out. During the last 10 years or so, I have had a series of affairs. Although they all involved a certain amount of intimacy, it was generally a small part of the experience for me. What I really enjoyed were the everyday things, the long deep conversations, the days out, simply cuddling on the sofa. The affairs ended for various reasons, one due to the other person moving away but in the most recent case, the fact that I simply couldn't bring myself to leave my wife. She knows about some of them and says my cheating makes her 'sad' but she doesn't want to end the marriage. She simply acts as if nothing has happened. My recent affair partner advised me to move out and live alone for a while to 'find myself'. I'm strongly considering this and was wondering if anyone has any advice on this. I don't need condemnation. I know what I've been doing is wrong and hurtful. I'm looking to the future.
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