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Everything posted by proseyxi

  1. Thank you, i wish I will in time...
  2. Hey there! We were dating for 3 weeks and basically he became colder after sex and after me asking if he wanted to continue seeing him in the future. I have it on detail here https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563554 Also NC since 23rd of January. He said he would call if he changed his mind. Nothing since.
  3. It certainly wouldn`t hurt to get professional help. Since you have already been through so much, it can help get you closure and a help you build a new fountation of managing your emotions. Now you may be feeling ok but you need to establish being strong under pressure in general in your life`s struggles to come. And since you`ve also been suicidal it would be much helpful in my opinion, if not needed actually.
  4. Dating isn`t like playing tennis. He hits the ball to you, then you to him and so on. If he wants to pursue a connection with you he would, plain and simple. I don`t think it would hurt to ask him out and see his response but be careful to not set a pattern here.
  5. If I was interested in a man, I would never tell him that I go out with other men as well. Especially with details! I mean, come on... Yeah if I were him, wanting what he wants I would have do whatevr but not actually share it with you!!! The guy wants to have a hookup with no strings attached. True, you are not exclusice but if he were even 1% decent he would talk about not being exclusive rather than sharing this kind of information with his date! Jesus. He`s pathetic, cut him off. Make peace with your mind and know you can always do better
  6. Hey there! Thank you for answering to my questions! Now, do you see a pattern here? I doubt there were no men in your life (or aren`t still) that have an interest in you. But since youu are always preoccupied in "hunting" men that are unavailable, you are thinning your chances down. I really need you to go back and analyze the men that did like you one by one and find what they had in common. Were they loud, fun loving extroverts maybe? I think that might be the case since you are highly attracted by shy ones. My grandma said : Always go where you are welcomed. Since I realized that I stopped feeling rejected by men that I HAD to chase and enjoyed being chased instead. Maybe you are addicted to rejection in order to validate in yourself a deep insecurity of yours i.e. I`m not attrective enough, I`m not young enough, I`m a failure etc. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It`s the same concept with women that go after married men. They SEEK rejection. So, open your eyes and focus only in the men that actually do like you and give them a chance! And you never know!
  7. Since my first post about the guy that I stopped seeing last month, I`ve been quite better. I started CBT therapy and I am keeping myself busy with work and enjoying my hobbies. I`ve also seen progress by reading people`s stories here and giving my 2 cents as well - it`s been eye opening for me. But to an extend I keep thinking that I might have rushed things and called him out prematurely. He accused me of that saying: "just because we don`t get to spend time together for two days straight?why do you make it a big deal?" I said, it wasn`t about that. it was because of his apathy and cold behavior and because he cancelled plans twice, without any notice, I had to ask to find out, totally last minute. Maybe calling him to see if there was something wrong was too much? Did he feel bombarded in a sense? I`m very confused and troubled. I feel I should have waited to see how it would go. That maybe I was unfair to him. Was I too irrational? I want to know in order to make more mature decision in my dating life. Did I act like a child?
  8. In order to move on, for you, for your kids, you must take care of yourself. Your kids are going to get emotionally hurt if they see mom hurting, not fending for herself emotionally and drowning in misery. Worse even they could to mimic your behavior when they grow old. You have to teach them that no matter what happens, if the world beats you down 10 times, you`ll stand back up 11 times. They say you are strong - FIGHT FOR THAT TITLE, FIGHT FOR YOUR EXISTENCE. Expressing your needs, your feelings, your sadness, hurt, anger IS BEING STRONG. Leaving your needs unmet is what is coward. Open up to yourself, your people and seek happiness in simplicity. In time you will realize all you need- you have it already. I know women that are past their fertile years and they would KILL to have what you have even with a divorce. Hug yourself, you ARE STRONG. Play unstoppable by sia, it helps me, maybe it can help you as well.
  9. Let`s all take a deep breath here. I want you to clarify why you had this tinder account active. Reads to me you are insecure about your relationship, way before this whole thing happened. So you kept the account as a backup if need be. I might be wrong, but I also think this is what your gf also believes. How is your relationship in general? Are there things that trigger your OCD and obsession with knowning and controlling everything? You don`t seem as a guy who lives his relationship at ease, sounds there is more trouble underneath the surface, even subconciously. Do you trust her? I`m in the spectrum of OCD as well, but it only get triggered when there is reason to be triggered, otherwise I am not afraid to live without checking constantly. On the other hand, I wouldn`t jump to the conclusion that your gf is not over her ex. I`m over my ex but if I see in a relationship patterns of my ex, I will adress them and if not changed I will leave. Because nobody wants to live a bad situation for a second time. But I maybe she is just not sure yet that`s why she is asking for some space. It is a complicated matter. For me it seems she really loves you, but you have hurt her feelings by acting like this and she is confused. Please share more if you feel comfortable. I would suggest you take some timeas well, maybe go on a trip to clean your thoughts.
  10. Woah, before we get overwhelmed here, is it just this V day that is the problem or do you constantly notice the same pattern? Like, he is not giving as much as you want in your relationship or that your languages of expressing love are completely different? Bringing the ex into the conversation was a mistake. You don`t live in a current relationship what you lived or didn`t live in a past one. They are completely different things. But his unwillingness to have a conversation about your feelings and trying to educate himself on how his partner sees things is a red flag. If he is making you feel underappreciated and undervalued (is this a word ?) all the time, then I suggest you take time to reconsider the relationship. Yet it would be wise not to base your judgement on a single event.
  11. How about we live our best lives and they f*ck off with their STDs and all. Seriously, seek medical help, ALWAYS USE PROTECTION and revenge is being alive and well.
  12. Hahahahaaha of course it`s your fault he cheated! How else could it be with a self loathing, abusive, clown of a man? You know what, him saying that is a good thing. A VERY good thing. Shows you what kind of a POS he is and how lucky you are to have him out of your door. It`s fine, you don`t have to rush feeling like anything at this moment. See, no clock is ticking, no one waits, nothing is pending. Since your divorce is on its way you needn`t worry. Have a talk with your lawyer to press on and let it be. I suggest you completely cut off communication with your ex hus-not-even-band. Details of his life should be of no interest to you. Think of it this way: you already had a wedding, already have kids, you have a job (I pressume) and you are still SO FREAKING YOUNG?!?! Come on now, you are better than most women I know! Yeah ok you divorced so what? You were saved, living with a dead beat clown is worse than being divorced. Thank the stars you live in a country that allows for that. Many women around the globe are forced to marry and stay married with monsters and have no way of escaping. The kids- you don`t have to bent your life anymore to satisfy your biological clock! And did I mention, you have 2 beautiful souls to forever love you and care for you? Justin who? You got a visit from the ghost of past christmas sorta speak. They contributed to something yes, now it`s time for them to go. Remember the days you thought that something was impossible? I`m sure you did at some point. And things DID work out!
  13. :eek: Let`s see here: - He cancels your plans - He preffers his buddies over you - He will be gone for a ridiculous amount of time (3 weeks) - He doesn`t want to include you - He has done that once before,without talking about it with you, thus there is a pattern here - You never actually went vactioning together before (other than those weekends) - Voicing your thoughts and wants makes you feel like the bad guy in all this My question is: are you sure you are in a real relationship and not a situationship? It seems to me that it`s all his rules and you juust agree in fear you might come off as needy or pushing him away. Boy, this is definitely me & my ex bf. He did the same "boy" trips, from which I never saw a single photo from and guess what... He was just with another girl. My first love was on a "boys" trip when I met him back in 2017 and I was (not knowing) the girl he messed around with while his gf was back home.So having experience in that my advice to you is to RUN-RUN-RUN. Boy trips are an excuse to be single and have fun with other girls or be with the other girl if one has one. I have since taken an oath to break up the second a "boys" trip arise. Of course people need to have time with friends and without you but this is a different story.
  14. :eek:This is the reality: she wants you all to herself but doesn`t want herself all to yourself. She wants her freedom and your loyalty. This is (as others also said) manipulative and she gains more than she gives. Even if it`s just the sexual gratification. Since you want something personal and committed and she doesn`t want the same, part ways. The way she keeps you close is by messing with your head as you said in the title. All the boundaries are super blurry and she gives you mixed signals. Maybe SHE doesnt even know what she wants. Either way, let yourself free. Move on. It`s for the best.
  15. I am awed right now by how immature, disrespectful and gross this man is... Yikes! I would respond to his emojis with an "OK BOOMER" haha. Seriously though, you need to control your hormones and your raging mind and focus on facts ,your security and respect. You know he wants only sex, right? I mean come on now. You just want an excuse to agree to it. But there is none, unless you want to be someones toy for a while and then be discarded from both his life and your job. It`s not fair to do this WILLINGLY to yourself. Then you`ll feel so stupid. Also he sounds manipulative and narsicistic "If I walked into the office without saying hi to him with a big smile, he would act cold with me the whole day". Really? How self loathing is this? Either worship me or get my indifference? Honey please...
  16. Ok, I don`t think you came off as needy or anything. It was just a remark that he could have laughed it off if he wanted to keep seeing you. So if he vanished just because you said something as unimportant as that or if he didn`t want a relationship, good riddance and good luck with YOUR future. His was propably such a player he saw just from one sentence of yours that you want something more and he was like "douches". He saved you actually. If guys are soooo damn scared with questions like this, are they even men in the first place of 5 year old boys? I`m sick with the woman shaming "don`t do this it`s needy" "don`t say that you will scare him away" "it was how you said this that pushed him away" yadayadyada.... arg...I disagree. We are so pressured to act, speak and be the "cool" chick that doesn`t care and God forbid if we want more. Let`s not scare those precious little Peter Pans. (sorry I had to vent it out)....
  17. Don`t feel stupid. Or anxious. Relax here for me. Take a breath, maybe make yourself a margarita and get some time out in the sun. Or chill with pop corn and a movie on the couch, cuddling with your kids. In essence - stop YOURSELF. Now, old somethings never become new anythings in my opinion. [/color]You have selected the good memories off of this ex and what you had together and in comparison to what your ex husband did to you, it looks like a fairytale. But it is not. I want you to focus on the bad memories with him. Then I want you to understand that since this is such a hard time for you, this enthusiasm of reconnecting with the past is just an emotional shield to protect you from your current emotional reality. Being cheated> divorce> sadness> loss> memory process> digging deeper to find happy memories>ex pops up> he reciprocates the interest>you get a pick me up. It`s completely normal and I think you should stop blaming yourself over this. Stop with the past, cut all cords and see this, right now, everyday life. You are blessed to have 2 children and to have escaped a life with a cheating a$$hole. YOU ARE FREEEEEEEE As far as why he pulled away, and forgive me if I`m being offensive but, have you 2 connected sexually? Because I find the "oh my God I completely forgot about this other girl I was talking to before you" a sh*tload of bullsh*t on his part.
  18. I see...Unreciprocated interest is everyone`s life story at some point, believe me . Don`t lose hope. But I can see something here....Would you be able to answer those questions: What is your marital situation? Ever had kids, or want to have a family? Could you plese explain to me what kind of men are interested in you? How is a typical man that hits on you like? How does your dream man look like? (mostly qualities of character) I want to get somewhere with this trust me....
  19. Oh and P.S. Why do you want to give the world to a girl you never even REALLY talked to or REALLY had a chance to be closer, as in a date or something? Put braces in your feeling, or else you will end up adoring a fantasy and that is painful afterwards. Which to be honest, I think you have idolized a pretty face. It is emotionally dangerous.
  20. Hello there. (female here ) Listen, I`ve been an extremely shy person, one could even say agoraphobic in the past but if my crush were to message me or make moves on me, I would reciprocate. For introverted/ shy people, receiving interest while being passive is a dream come true. So I doubt the reason she is ignoring you is shyness. It`s more likely your mutual friends want to set you both up because they think you`ll be a happy couple together and she feels extremely pressured this that`s why she cuts you off. Yeah she may think you are hot as a texan breeze but ultimately that leads to nowhere. But even if we do say she is shy... Can you actually do anything with a person sooo shy they won`t even talk to you? Would anything be able to advance? She is 17 for God`s sake not 5. So, even if she is shy, that is not your problem, it`s hers and I would suggest finding someone that will give back to you all that you will give to them. Plus she is not an adult and you shouldn`t put your life on hold for anyone to figure anything out. A relationship is two people ready to embark in this together.
  21. Then there is no reason whatsoever to be with him. None, I see none. No emotional contribution to your life, no communication, no respect, no trust, he is a cheating a&&hole but the worst part is you not leaving already. For you it is an unnecessary self punishment of a life.
  22. Don`t do it. Respect your partner, break up with her in dignity and with respect, respect another man`s wife and find a new gf. Maybe she told you about her marital issues because it`s her way of clarifying: "hey, I just need to blow some steam off before I get back with my enstranged hubbie and start a family. Do you want to be my toy?" Or as Wiseman2 said, she may think you as a good listerner and male-gf tha`s why she overshared. Or she may be an oversharer in the first place who knows. That`s all I have to say, I think it`s common sense and logic.
  23. The best answer is here: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=548602&p=6975445&viewfull=1#post6975445 I don`t care he has cancer. I don`t care if he doesn`t have cancer. I also don`t care about your feelings or his right now. I care for the simple truth of how good he is at what he is doing. After all he did, he still got you thinking about him, caring about him, answering his calls, crying about him. I don`t judge you, believe me. But you have to wake up girl. I mean right now please. I said that I don`t care about your feelings because your feelings and your security and well being are completely opposite and you should really do a reality check. Shake your head, this man was a monster to you! Chin up beautiful! You have a new life in front of you!!! Bad for him, it`s not nice , it is sad but you DONT HAVE TO FEEL SAD OR ACT ON IT! Block him asap, focus on your loved ones and cut off any mutual "friends" and all communication with them. They are so concerned about him being ill, where were they when the saw how he treated you? I`ll pray for you, to find peace inside you. Don`t feel guilty about it honey.
  24. First of all ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!!!! Even if tested and found ok, what makes you certain he won`t catch anything after the test? Now *sigh*, good evening ouidanslecie. He betrayed your trust so early on, it is a legit deal breaker. He "liked" you so "much" to cry not to "loose" that he had sex with another woman just some weeks ago! No, just, no. If your morals and ethics and sense of respect don`t align, I suggest you #RUNFORRESTRUN. He had sex with another because you were not giving it to him?!? Who is he, casonova ... He reads to me like those men that sleep around because wife is pregnant. Disgusting. As for the great qualities you are afraid to loose, I think you know him very little to be able to confirm his character is such as you say. He most likely put on a show because it`s the honeymoon phase and all guys show their best behavior. Don`t feel guilty, belive me when I say you lost nothing. I know coz I`ve been there twice and very very recently. You can read my post if you like. As for your friends, their perception of morality and respect, what is acceptable or not, what they find normal or not, that is THEIR prespective. Yours is different. That`s why you don`t share brains or experiences. You will trust your opinions and your feelings, standards and morals to make a decision. Getting advice is good by imagine you are a housewife in the 50`s and your man just beat you. You can bet all your friends would say that it is normal and that you overreact. So, advice is also formed by social constructs and ideas. Cosmopolitan will say sleep around, a christian/muslim magazine will say save yourself for marriage etc... How will you listen to? I hope your beautiful mind
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