smiles21

I read somewhere that 80% of women are with 20% of the men, or a statistic that resembles that. That really doesn't make much sense I guess, but it seems guys are flocking to girls at this age, kind of like vultures. I see it at the GYM all the time.. Maybe it's because i've never really asserted myself in fear of rejection, I have had two long term relationships.. one 1.5 years, the other 4 years.. thought the latter was the "one" but I guess she isn't, or at least right now. Maybe I need to become a vulture like the rest, I'm a really good guy, I keep myself nice, have a decent job, and I work out constantly.. maybe I'm missing what girls want at this age. ps. I recently deleted my myspace account, my ex is all over myspace and I want nothing to do with it, it ruins so many relationships.. and I dont just hook up with people.. it seems so fake.

I had a question for you folks out there, I am recently (2 months) out of a four year relationship, and I have been noticing some things. I’m 23 years old, and Is it me, or does it seem like there is way more single guys out there, than girls? It may just be me, but it seems like it is way easier for girls to get guys at this age. Seemed like the opposite when I was 19 or so, was more girls out there looking to be in a relationship.. it seems swapped now, like all the girls are taken. It seems like everyone I talk to is in a relationship.. or unavailable.. I guess I’m at an odd stage in my life, I always been in a relationship and I’m trying to break away from that and become more independent for myself, and for someone in the future. I realize you need to be OK alone, if you aren’t then you never will survive. I guess I am just one of those people that like the feeling of being in a relationship..

God I love you guys, you are all so much help.. I need to go.. but ill post more later tonight.

Ugh.. this is so hard. I dont have the strength to call her back, and she will think I'm playing games if I even bring it up. She may think I'm over her.. which I doubt is humanly possible.. she knows how much I care about her and I left things very sweet and loving with her... last thing I said to her was "I love you, goodbye". And I'm really happy about that. I'm happy I didn't end things on a bad note, least I know the last thing she remembers of me was how much I cared. I dont understand why she didn't leave a message, that makes me think she didn't mean to dial the call.. or dialed and freaked out and hung up.. thinking I would call her back asking if she needed something. I made it clear to her that I dont want to be friends, and that I want a relationship. But is all this worth it? Ugh.. we broke up before and got back together.. couple times.. why cant we work out our issues for good.. Dont get me wrong, I was a complete jerk sometimes, neglected her, and now I know I want to be with her for a long time.. she used to feel like that, now she doesn't... She's also 21, and I'm sure shes going through some changes in her life..

Hope havn't seen you around, its good to hear from you. Suppose it wasn't important then? Wish I could forget about her calling.. would make this so much easier. We were 3.5 years on and off.. more on than anything. She was my best friend and GF. Was tough losing that.

Feels like it's going to take forever to heal, why do I compare the girls that I see to her all the time, feels like she's the "one that got away".. I'm not going to call, I just felt like that could have been my chance.. who knows.. maybe she dialed the wrong number...

6 weeks Nc, she called friday night, havn't talked to her in those 6 weeks, and she hasn't attempted to contact. I missed the call, and I didn't call back.. I feel like she is reaching out.. ohhhh it hurts.. I miss her. Left no voicemail.

Or maybe this was her one time of reaching out, and I probably look like a jerk for not picking up/not calling back..

Well, most of you know my long story. Me and the ex of four years broke up about 6 weeks ago. We have broken up before. We had many issues in our relationship.. her mom didn't like me for reasons that weren't in my controll. We had some trust issues I think, and it began to go sour again. We love eachother we really do, but she fell out of love, and I couldn't make her fall back in love with me. So I said that we were in different places and I couldn't make her fall back in love with me.. and it would be better if we didn't talk. She did some things in the end that really hurt me, she backstabbed me and stole some friends, but thats done and over with. Friday night I was downstairs with some friends watching TV and I go upstairs to my phone and there was a missed call from her.. no message. Now I didn't get it till 3 hours later, should I have called back? Should I have texted? I have maintained NC for 6 weeks.. I really do miss her so much, she could have been that one.. I thought about marriage.. She's 21, I'm 23. Should I send something today? She knows at the end that I said I wouldn't contact her, and she was mad because she knows she would have to contact me in order for things to work out.. I am stubborn and I felt like she reached out to me.. what could she have wanted? Wrong number? I dunno.. Enotalone help..

Thanks for the advice guys, I need to make a decision on what I want to do. I dont know how secure my job is right now, and I may be making a career change soon. I need to talk to my mom about it as well. I value all of your opinions.

Grr myspace. I swear that site ruins more relationships, including my 4 years of dating someone.. we start to fall on bad times, she makes a page.. we break up. I refuse to check it, and see her e-flirting. girls being skanks on the internet publicly for everyone to see. Sorry..I'm bitter.

Yea, I am just starting to learn this myself. You need to be able to be on your own and OK, because in the end, that's all you have. I love having a GF, someone to call, hang out with, cuddle.. you know.. being with someone is great. But, sigh, I am one of those nice guys with morals, and I refuse to sleep with someone without knowing them, it makes the sex better There are good guys out there hun, trust me.. sometimes they may be a little shy. Were a rare breed

I dunno, I may just attempt to save money and live at home. I had a friend ask me about moving out, but I dont know how that would fare.. what happens if someone loses their job, etc.. Living with someone is different than being friends.. Also, I really wanted to meet someone, and move into together. I thought me and my ex were going to make that step, but obviously that didn't happen.

Labo thanks hun. But you know what, I'll be completely honest here.. me and my mom have been really close forever, my dad not so much, we havn't really had a relationship.. I used to be the first thing you mentioned, but I was in school, helped around the house, and never took it for granted. I think my ex hated that, as she had to do most on her own as she did not get along with her parents.. I would like to be on my own, but I have never been out in the world like that, it really scares me. I know I need to grow up and get out.. but I dont want to come crawling back.

Well, I recently graduated college, and have had my feet in my first "Real" job out of school for about 6 month's now. And recently my GF broke up with me, long story (search if you want more info on that lol ).. so I'm trying to become more independent. I understand I really should be moving out of my house soon.. my parents are both very supportive and have no issues with me living there for eternity I think, lol. I dont make a lot of money, salary is about $31,000. I have some school loans, and have about $1300 or so free at the end of the month.. maybe a little less. I really would like to purchase a duplex, rent out half, and live in the other half.. could build equity.. and would pay some of my rent.. I'm 23 by the way. I'm just worried about meeting someone, and me saying that I still live at home.. would this hinder you ladies? I really would have preferred to move out with my significant other and split bills, but this isn't happening as you can see. My friends all still live at home.. Hrm.

Amen to that statement. And marry me while your at it. Those are my exact beliefs, but I'm not a normal guy. I cant just sleep with someone for no reason, call me crazy. I need to develop a relationship first. Dont get me wrong, I'm a FREAK, but i love being able to be sexually comfortable with someone first. But im a weirdo lol

Thank you for your thoughts, and I know i need to let go and feel free for myself. And somehow have to get over the fact of seeing her out with the old group as akward and heart wrenching as thats going to be. It will hurt to see her at the things we loved to do with other people, but i guess thats the price of happiness. I guess I showed her other things to do outside her realm. I'm becoming my own person, day by day. And it gets easier, I'm sure of that. We all have setbacks, but you cant wallow in your sadness forever. I'm sure i'll find someone that will share the interests I have someday. I need to be ok by myself first. I guess it just feels odd, as I'm at a different point in my life right now than she is.. I need to be out on my own.. maybe she wants that party stage.. not sure.. only time will tell. If I see her, I'll try to be as pleasant and happy for her and myself as humanly possible. Maybe then Ms. Right will come along...

I know a lot of you know my story about my ex, we broke up again 5 weeks ago on Wednesday. (She 21, me 23) She fell out of love, she wanted me to make her fall back into it.. and wasn’t willing to put effort into the relationship, she said “It’s all on you now”. And I knew I couldn’t do it alone, so I told her that and that I needed to try to move on, and forward without her. She was upset, I now wanted the things she wanted a year ago, moving out, starting our own life together, and now she is mad that I want them now, and she no longer feels that way. And crying saying “Some other girl will get that now, what I worked so hard for”. We had mutual friends, that I introduced her to. We always hung out with them on the weekends. A few days before the breakup, we got into a fight on the phone and things were said, basically about everything that was going on and how it was messed up. She then proceeded to call one of the friends and them a bunch of lies that I never said basically about them. I don’t know if she did this to secure friends after us breaking up. (She could never make her own friends, she was always friends with mine.. this may have been a mistake). I felt “kicked out of the group” so to say. We hung out together all the time, I think she needed her own life sometimes. Needless to say, they ended up not talking to me anymore, not really sure what happened. I confronted them about it, but they said there was no issue.. I think a couple of guys in the group liked her, one treated my ex better than his own girlfriend, but I guess noone else saw that. So I had to reconnect myself with old friends. I was able to do that and I have been doing things I missed doing, working out, boxing, hanging out with other friends. But what irks me is she still hangs out with them, and people insist on telling me what she’s doing through word of the grapevine. About how she is working out all the time now ( she never did that once in our 4 years of dating ) and how the group goes downtown to bars now ( she hated going to bars ). I mean, I never thought she would backstab me the way she did and that still hurts a little bit. She really betrayed my trust. Of course the relationship had other issues, her mom really didn’t like me, that’s a whole different story in itself, and my ex and her mom had on and off issues together. Their relationship wasn’t very good. But I sit here after almost five weeks of not hearing from her, and wonder why I still care, I pretty much know we wont get back together, as the group probably talks behind my back, and I’m sure she bad mouths me and I’ll never be back in there again. Not that I want to be, but when we broke up before I knew there was a chance at least, but not now. These are her new friends. I cant lie. I still miss her. But I don’t know if its her I miss, or the idea of actually loving and being with someone. I’ve learned about myself, that I feel the need to be with someone, It makes me feel secure. I need to learn to feel secure alone, because in the end you will be alone. And that’s something I really am learning to try to cope with. In a year or so, I probably would have proposed to her, but maybe we were too young, maybe she didn’t get to see enough because she was in a relationship for most of her 17-20 stage of her life. Maybe she needs to be single and out there in the world. She is independent, I can give her that. I really liked that about her too. I didn’t “take care of her” like I should sometimes, I’m sure. And when I realized things were going bad in the relationship it was too late. I couldn’t fix it, and I put a lot of the blame on myself, which I know isn’t fair. We weren’t perfect but we did love each other. I just couldn’t deal with her not being “in love” with me. I think I just get upset that she “Won” in all this. And is happy now, and totally forgets about me. She got what she wanted, a new group of friends. And she wanted to move out of her parents house, but only makes $9 an hour working as a secretary.. and has bills and a car payment because she had to have a new car about 6 months ago. In my opinion it was a bad decision, as she only has $125 free at the end of the month, which doesn’t go far. I guess she will learn it the hard way. I make decent money, I just graduated from college, and I want to be on my own by next October. I guess is sit here and do know its over and its really hard accepting it. But she does, obviously she has a way of moving on but I know she doesn’t completely forget about me. And we are both stubborn, she knows I will not contact her, and she has to make a move if she wants to start talking again. But how could we ever? After all that has happened? But I know I’m going to run into her, and the group, and I want to just avoid her. I know I cant. She now has the same interests as me, and I cant give up everything I liked to do just because I know she’s going to be there. And I hang out with a lot of the people from her town. I don’t want to know what she’s doing, I wish people would understand that. I’m a very outgoing loud happy fun person, she is quiet, and doesn’t like to be in the spot light.. maybe our personalites clashed.. who knows. I’m sorry this has been so long, I just need to vent as my heart is still heavily damaged by all of this, and I find myself thinking about her all the time still. I know time will heal all my wounds. We broke up a couple times before this, maybe I should have realized then things wouldn’t work out, maybe we should have never tried again. I may be better off now If we never got back together a year or so ago. Why do I still think about the person that has hurt me so much..

Yea she didn't respond. Not sure if i made the right move, calling seemed like a bad idea.. maybe she wasn't interested...or is involved. Or could possibly be on the way out of her current relationship.

Just "hey whats up its ryan"

I texted like 3 hours ago..no response...

Thats how i see it, but for some reason I treat people as I want to be treated, she obviously is somewhere else emotionally even if she is seeing him. I think I'll text her later this afternoon, I dont want to come off as needy. This girls a 10.

See if shes seeing someone, I think calling might be a bad idea here..

I'm not in a relationship.. my ex of 4 years broke up with me about 6 weeks ago... my story is on the forum. Always thought this girl was cute.. now that im single, and i ran into her, maybe some things do happen for a reason.. I'm starting to see the light... you think I should text her later today? Last night Chrissy said I should probably text her..

I dunno,I'm 5"10 and I love short girls, 5"0-5"4.