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LTNS

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  1. In a way, I was doing all of those things while I was with him, without him. He was around less and less, so I was taking care of myself. It’ll be hard, but I know it was right.
  2. The worst pain is knowing my best friend is still in there, but he’s too afraid to be him. I know that should say all I need to know, but the pain is real.
  3. I do fear I’ll become too choosy after having the rug pulled out from under me. I don’t want to keep myself from happiness either. Thank you for the kind words. I know time will heal
  4. I’m not sure you’re replying to who you think you are. I was never married.
  5. To get straight to the point, my relationship of nearly 8 years came to a close a few days ago. I had previously posted that we went on a break, as it increasingly seemed as though his friends and hobbies were coming before our relationship, and the excitement on his end seemed to be a bit faded. He still told me I was beautiful and that he could never look at someone the way he looks at me right up until the end, and the break happened for him to find reason in why he couldn’t put me first. Unfortunately, after two months apart, he came back to tell me I wasn’t on his mind as much as he thought I would be. He had gotten closer to some friends who showed him a life of excitement and partying that he was more than happy to share the details of with me. He hadn’t seen anyone else, but seemed to have taken his immature behaviors from when we were together, and immersed himself in them. Barely spending time alone, I’m not surprised I wasn’t on his mind. Bad friends and substances filled the void so not only was he distracted, but he felt good while doing it. I let him go calmly. I agreed we’re not the same people and we don’t want the same things. Logic is easy to see, but I’m afraid for him. In 8 years you get to know someone deeply, and this life he’s choosing is not who he truly is. There’s so much masking of pain and responsibility that I know his future won’t be happy if he continues the same way. All of this, yet I still know I can’t make it my responsibility to worry. He’s made his choice, and it wasn’t me. I just don’t know how to cope with that.
  6. To all that have sent over some support, it all officially ended tonight. He’s spent this time making some largely questionable and scary decisions and accepted that it was the life he prefers. I know I’ll be ok at some point, but it’s a real shock to the system to see someone you know and love turn into someone completely different. Thank you for all the advice.
  7. I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. There’s a lot to think about with each comment, and I don’t think I’m ready to call and cut the chord quite yet, but I may have more waiting in me. I will maintain that this isn’t about what other fish are in the sea for him. It’s largely because he had a long term girlfriend before me (in high school) so he essentially has always had someone attached to him, and hasn’t figured out how to take care of himself as a consequence. He admitted to struggling to handle the more serious things in life because he’s always had someone carrying him along. I thought I’d clarify timeline for everyone as well: we met in 8th grade, but started dating my senior year in high school. I know I can’t let him hold out forever, and I do have to figure out where I’ll draw the line, but I agree with @ThatwasThen that I want this coming from him, otherwise it’s a forced decision on my end. His family is just as baffled as I am, and have no clue what he’s doing, but they’re also not the type that will talk about how he’s feeling with him. It all boils down to what he feels, and how long I’m willing to wait to find that out, but that lack of structure is torture!
  8. I think you’ve worded exactly what’s making me crazy as we speak - thanks again! :)
  9. I should have phrased that better. We haven’t taken a break before. He had just let other things become priority before, and it was solved with a conversation. We were definitely together for some pretty formative years, and part of this space was figuring out if we are as compatible as we were then, because naturally we aren’t the same as when we were 18. I will say that despite considering it a break, you are correct in saying the separating of bills and living space feels like it was a break up. It’s all new to me, so I’m definitely lost to it.
  10. I had actually suggested that, but it never ended up happening every week. And I have actually become pretty proficient at his main hobby just from time spent with him, but I again hit a point where I felt I could only see him if I was doing something he liked. I do appreciate the help, Gary! I’m not sure if it’s acceptable to reach out at this point during our break or to wait it out and see if the time away hits him the way it’s hitting me.
  11. I would consider the sex life above average for how long the relationship has been. (A few times a week+) but it definitely felt like the only time we were connecting for a while there. We split the holidays and went to both families together. Having known each other since the 8th grade, our families were close enough to the point where his family is still in touch with me despite knowing the present situation. He and I also have plenty in common (love is music, love of traveling, general view on the world) but it seemed like our time together was decreasingly valuable as his friends, hobbies, and social media swept up his attention. It was definitely gradual when it happened each time.
  12. It’s a long one, but the relationship has some sturdy bones, so here goes. My boyfriend and I met when we were younger. We were friends for nearly five years when we began dating. Fast forward through 7.5 years of a healthy relationship (we had our disagreements, but the good far outweighed the bad) and now we’re on a break. It started with the holidays, when I brought up that it seemed like I was no longer a priority in his life. I know attachment fades, that’s natural, but he was spending so much time with his friends and hobbies that I felt like the only time I was seeing him was to say good night and goodbye in the morning. This had happened a few times before. We talked, he agreed and apologized, and the next few months would be great until the (what seemed to be) inevitable comfort of having me there won out, and he’d start forgetting to pencil me into his life. It’s important to note that I have no fears of infidelity. There was never a time where he wasn’t exactly where he said he was, or that I felt he was being dishonest. The last conversation turned into him saying he could not figure out why it always came back to him treating me this way. He didn’t like hurting me, and didn’t like that he couldn’t figure out how to keep me as a priority. He brought up taking a break, because trying something different was all he could think of. After tears on both ends, we ultimately agreed he had some sorting out to do, and I needed to take the time to find out what was good for me. We agreed it was not about seeing other people. We had a lot of attachments living together, so we separated our bills and now live separately. I told him I would not be in contact so as to respect the space he needs to figure out what he wants in life, and that he could reach out when there was some clarity on how he was feeling. It’s been just over a month since then with no contact outside of splitting our phone plan, and I have no idea how to proceed. I miss him immensely, but I don’t want to pull him back in if he’s not ready to be in a serious relationship. Not knowing how he’s feeling or what’s going on is the worst out-of-control feeling, but I only want him to come back if he is certain it’s what he wants. I don’t know what to do, if there is anything I even should do. Thank you for reading everyone.
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