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Everything posted by jdmmd

  1. This is a great post! Well done SuperDave! Worth always bumping it so it can also be of use to more people. Also, most of SuperDave71's posts are great. Read a bunch and I always reread them.
  2. I don't remember since when she did that, but she always tried to make me an extrovert, to change what I liked and some of my hobbies. "You have a childish palate" (literal translation - means I tend to like to eat sweet and chidlish things), is something she usually said. I like computer games and to watch some streamers, that was something she jonkingly scorned me as well sometimes. It wasn't all the time and she didn't pick on me, but she did do that a good amount of times. I guess the only hobby I had she actually approved was traveling with my motorcycle. Approved but didn't like it hers
  3. Makes sense. I've noticed that reading some (even binging for a bit) in the past was healthy and helped with my anxiety. But keep reading and not doing anything other than that on my free time actually seems to do some harm. So now I'm reading about self improvement, as now I need to understand "who am i", as I have lost most of my identity within the past 4 years. And also I must be my actual me, and not a "single version" of myself, that may be a little bit more extroverted than the real me. And I mean that as when I meet someone else in the future, I must not be wearing any masks, and let
  4. Yeah, thats what I plan... move on and stop having hope. Its difficult now, but in time I will get there. Thanks for the kind reply. Yeah, I think its only when they leave that you really miss them. I didnt catch the signs or her complaints in time, I didnt perceive them as being an actual issue at the time, not sure why. So yeah, I neglected the relationship and thats on me. But also I cant feel 100% at fault. It takes two to end a relationship. She always tried to change me into what SHE thought was the “right way to be”. So maybe we were just incompatible. And yes, I certainly love
  5. Oh! Im aware of those sites, I dont read them, I only read LoveShack and eNotAlone, both open forums with real people. And while the “Getting back together really happens” megathread helped me to be less anxious, it may harm me as I keep the hope we will get back together. Hope that I should stop having but its super hard to let go. But while Im healing, I decided to not block her. I will leave the communication channels open, will just not follow her on any social networks nor check on her online.
  6. Not sure what else I posted that was similar to this’ threads question... I just told my story and got some feedback from people. But nothing specifically asking about how NC can harm the chances of reconciliation. Also there’s still many occasions where people got back together after the “I love you but im not in love with you” line. Just check the “Getting back together really does happen” thread. And while I DO know I ABSOLUTELY MUST let go, its easier said than done and Im sure you may even know that from experience. Im trying...
  7. Makes sense, thanks for posting. Its a bit more clear to me why NC is good for both parties. We need to move on and improve, fix some of the mistakes we made as to avoid repeating them in a new relationship. And with constant contact that wouldnt be possible, or would make it more difficult, as we would still be somewhat connected with the past. Thanks, I replied there. I guess the bottomline is the cliche “if its meant to be, it will happen”... NC, LC or whatever, doesnt really matter. Its just that with less contact, you probably heal faster. Thanks again
  8. Didnt quite get this... Im nowhere near harassing her, nor over contacting her. We are actually exchanging messages when she/I need, as to sort out bills we had or alikes. Also, we lived together for the whole 4.5 years, as I moved in with her 1 month after we started dating, so there may be things (bills, my belongings etc) we have to deal with. But I agree, Im trying my best to put her in the past and not really keep thinking she may come back. Its quite difficult as many of you may know from experience... but I’ll do as you are all saying and try to move on. Easier said than done though.
  9. A friend of mine was the dumpee after around 2.5 years and 1 of living together. They were both around 26-27. The reason was mainly due to his GFs being stressed over a new job, the fact his brother and father lived with them and her wanting to sort her life out. They were in LC as they still had some bills and things to sort. After 5 months of LC, Id say one or two messages per month, they got together and are still together, many years after this occasion. They now have a newborn and just bought a house. My question is, had them gone NC, this probably wouldnt happen. The chances of
  10. Thanks for all responses... I’ll most likely block her indeed. We married abroad, just us, had an official ceremony, but didnt have the papers legalizing it. As far as we think, its not a piece of paper that defines one’s status, and everyone around us also considered us married. I guess so, yes. That’s why I can go NC now and asked here if I should. I initiated around 3 times and she initiated about 2 times. On 2 of the occasions where I initiated, it was due to some bills or something we had to take care of, and the other one because I had a random question (needed the in
  11. If anyone wants the full story, here you go: /showthread.php?t=563175 Will try to keep the story short... I had a LTR of 4.5 years that she ended last month, next monday marks 1 month. We had married in march last year, not officially, only a private ceremony and just the two of us during an international trip, and the ceremony was all romantic and the trip was great and we were in love and in a great mood. The first 2 years or so of our relationship were nothing short of amazing, then (not yet sure why) I started neglecting it, like taking it for granted. Maybe was her that pushed me to
  12. I'm also following this thread, wonder what happened... let us know how it went, OP.
  13. Thanks RayRay. Also, loved your signature quote :)
  14. I know everyone is mostly trying to help in this thread, but some messages here are giving so much anxiety... all you say is that its really over and how bad of a hole I really was in when I had that kind of depression (or just too lazy) for almost 2 years. I know I was in a bad place. But if I wasn’t , things could have turned up fine. Now Im out of that bad place, and plan to keep this way. I just need to stop thinking of her almost all the time. I had a few very good days, I was in a good mood. But then sadness hit again, not as hard, but Im in a bad mood for most part of my day today.
  15. We werent legally married. But from our perspective is not a piece of paper that defines one’s status, we considered ourselves married, with a ring on the left hand and all our friends and family also considered us as married. We married as we were indeed in love. And when we broke up I asked her why she married me if she wasn’t happy, and she said in her mind she thought it would make me change. But also, that marriage was planned almost single handedly by her, where she found the photogtapher (we’re Brazilian and this guy was also) that helped us getting a ceremony in a Temple (Fus
  16. Yeah, that’s exactly it. I lost track of myself and went into some sort of depression (without the actual “sadness” part). I was basically blind to my situation and couldn’t see what I had become, until this ultimatum came from her, but it was too late. I’m entering NC as soon as I sell this last item of ours... and I already started looking to improve myself, bought new clothes as my old ones were worn out and ugly, started many activities (both for the mind and body), Im catching up with old friends I also cut from my life when I was “depressed” and right now my mood is kinda ok. Its a long
  17. Abbreviation table for newcomers: NC = No Contact (when you don't contact the other person at all costs) LC = Low Contact (when you only talk about things you really need to, but happens often) BU = BreakUp eNA = eNotAlone (this forum) It's long, but I'm trying to cover a lot as to make more people identify with my story and find some closure. I (31M) just broke up (well, I'm the dumpee...) with my wife (31F). Yesterday marked the 3rd week of our breakup. For the first week, as I was absolutely desperate, I went to the "let's beg" road and tried many times to get back together, which
  18. Have a story as well, not mine, but from a friend. He was dating for about 4 years, living together for 2.5. By that time his brother and dad were living with him (it was him that'd pay the rent), and the girl, who was just starting on one of ther first steady jobs, kinda freaked out with her professional side changing and with the kinda mess that was living with her father-in-law and brother-in-law. She broke up as she needed distance and to think the future. She is a stubborn and decided girl, but didn't have much money by that time and he had to be her guarantor (right word?) on the
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