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About Stdavid

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  1. As folks may know, I was on here at Christmas dealing with a sudden and unexpected break up ( call it what it was - my ass got dumped by the woman I love) and I've been dealing with that. Still am. But I had a bit of a breakthrough a few days ago and it's really helping, so I thought I'd share. If you got hit by a truck, you wouldn't expect to get over it quickly. We expect to be immobilised and dealing with the pain. But we tend to make the best of it - damn, that could have been worse, etc. My reading has shown me that emotional impacts can have the same kind of impact, in some cases
  2. I tend to agree with the above. This guy is too immature to have a proper relationship, because that means being honest and maybe sometimes acting like an adult. If he's at a party and people are sleeping with the strippers, that's the time to go, regardless of how 'lame' your friends may think you're being.
  3. Yikes! Seriously - if one of your friends was being treated like this, what would you advise them? I'm guessing 'run, because this woman is crazy.' Like I can talk, but.... if someone doesn't treat you right, it's better not to stick around.
  4. I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me advice over the last couple of months. I know that at the time, I didn't seem to be listening, but that was because I desperately wanted things to be different. It's taken three months and I've accepted that they just - aren't. It's still not easy because I still don't know what changed and that's very unsettling. And I made practical decisions based on living with her, so now have to undo those. For a while I'm just going to keep my head down, focus on work and updating old friendships. I'm still not 'over' her but I'm reconciled to dealing with tha
  5. I've been told that the end of a really good relationship is the same as grieving after a bereavement. It's not just what you had, it's the life you were going to have together that's now gone. It takes time to recover from that. There's no easy solution. Although it's a truism, things do get better as time goes on. You just have to move on, avoid getting drawn back in somehow, and keep going until it doesn't hurt as much.
  6. Yes, the advice was good and it's been tough to take it, but I have. I'm also in therapy about the whole thing because I responded to the situation so badly. I guess I'm just trying to remind myself that getting back into a relationship with her is a very dumb idea.
  7. This is a follow up to an earlier post, end of last year. I've been with someone for three years+, we were very close , went on holidays, looked at moving in together. It seemed to be cooling a bit because we both had new jobs, then at Christmas it ended - not finally and obviously, she just said she didn't know what she wanted any more and broke contact except for a few texts. It hurt me really badly. We talked a little after Christmas because of practical things (I still have a lot to of stuff round at her house.) the long and the short of it is that she says she's dealing with change
  8. I don't think there's anything to forgive. He might be practical, but if your partner is in hospital having a major operation, you find a way to visit. You know that. I'm sure this was just an example of many other slightly heartless behaviours he exhibited. You seem to be idolising this chap in retrospect. That's not good because you have a new life now and you need to focus on that. Another way of looking at it is that you did the best thing for him. He has a lot of good qualities and he will make someone else a great partner. Maybe he needed to learn something from the break up? But
  9. I'm sorry, yes. I do get what your saying and objectively I know you're right - if I saw anyone in my situation I'd be posting what you all have. I have to bite the bullet on this one and that's not easy. But I do know that if I don't act on this advice then at some point in the further I'll just end up with the same problem. Thank you all for your input and advice. It's been very helpful in a very difficult time.
  10. That's a tough question. On an emotional level, yes I do. On a practical level, I don't want to get hurt again. I get that we might be able to continue a relationship but what happens next Christmas? She's done it once, why not again?
  11. Just had another really general 'breadcrumb' txt. The holidays are over, her children are all back at university. Now she wants to know how my day has been...
  12. It's really likely that his new relationship will disintegrate. Sounds like a rebound thing. They don't last. He doesn't have a child, and you do. That makes dating again hugely difficult. I know exactly how you feel because I was in a similar situation about eight years ago. Marriage broke up, I felt very lonely. I did all the things you are recommended but they aren't the same as an actual romance. Someone saying that they find YOU unique, special and important. I'd love ve to be able to sugar coat that but I can't. Joining the tennis club is not the same thing as someone touching your
  13. It's great that she was so comfortable with you, but not great that she didn't feel the need to make an effort to please you. In a relationship, your partner should want to make you as happy as you make them. Dressing up a little is an easy way of doing that. I'm guessing that it won't occur again in the same way. If it does, be honest. Also, reenforce the behaviour you like. Make sure than when your partner does something that makes you happy, you don't just take it for granted.
  14. I've unfollowed her on Facebook - it wasn't doing me any good seeing posts telling me she's having a great Christmas etc. So breadcrumb texts - not a 'good' sign? This whole situation makes me feel pretty pathetic really. I thought I was in a happy relationship. But looking back on it, I've put myself in a situation where I've allowed her to really be in charge and just accepted what she's offered. I've accepted that her new work commitments have meant she has less free time, but I never said that I still wanted to spend time with her. I didn't want to come across as demanding or cont
  15. As far as I can tell it's just some kind of reevaluation of her life, given that her children have left home. I think it's a kind of empty nest crisis? I don't think there's anyone else. I might feel a bit less rejected if it was.
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