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lonewolf1991's Achievements


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  1. So I met this girl 2 weeks ago on tinder. conversations escalated into face times and we’ve literally spoke on FaceTime for about 50 hours or so which is A LOT I’m really starting to like her, she texts me every morning, sends me songs when I’m driving all day. We laugh and joke around together a lot. Send each other intimate pictures and even have had intimate moments on FaceTime together. She seems the full package. Very driven in her career, loyal, caring, funny, smart. She’s very beautiful. Honestly it seems perfect, but a little to good to be true. we’ve spoke about meeting up a lot but it’s not easy with the pandemic. A few nights ago I was direct with her and said look I really want to see you, I can’t wait anymore (she lives about 1 hour 45 from me) she kind of just said we will sort something out. Didn’t seem that enthusiastic. anywsy between now and then things have been the same. This girl is super seductive, like her eyes just undress you and she knows this. But I’m starting to feel like I don’t trust her. If she ever gets an inkling that I may back off or be unsure, her affection doubles! I can’t help but think I’m just being a lock down buddy for her. wither I’m the problem and this girl really wants me, which I’ll admit I found hard to believe in the beginning because of who pretty she is, and everything else she has going for her. im Smart, funny and caring but not as attractive as her. There’s nothing wrong with being honest, I’m really not putting myself down it’s just the truth. I felt she as being off with me earlier so I called het out. She’s done nothing but reassure me but like I said her affections has gotten more so. Like I sent her a Video of me rapping a song because we were both listening to it and she was literally like “my heart skipped a beat a few times then” rhis sounds great but I’m just not use to this affection and it feels like it’s not coming from a sincere place. could anyone advice. I have written a previous post about her thanks
  2. Thank you for you’re reply. I think this is the case. The reason I was questioning myself is because I’ve met so many attractive women. Very superficial. Not disrespecting anyone like this but they really aren’t my type, and I’m not theres because they like a Instagram life. Probably want a really tall dark man. she mentioned that’s one of the things than makes me attractive to her.. my brain. I haven’t experienced intellectual conversation like we have because I’ve been sort of dulled down by the people I used to surround myself with. Again, these are good people but I know I’m different. thankyou for the clarity.
  3. Thankyou for you reply. She has finished work for the the year now, and we are in tier 3 lockdown (both my towns and hers) from what I’ve learnt about her, she’s very driven. Lived in different countries and all over the us county. Very good job, lots of hobbies. So I think giving me all this time, is kind of flattering. And I know she appreciates me giving her my time, she frequently says this. I get that it’s not attractive sometimes, because I’ve felt like this before. However things are new and I guess we are learning a lot about each other. I need to tone down the frequency in conversations and set a date as soon as we know we can.
  4. Thank you. This makes a lot of sense. And it does help. I’ll see how I feel over the next week.
  5. Thankyou for the reply. I’m not scared of feeling rejection from her. She’s very into me and that’s what I’m struggling to get my head around. I know obviously things could be different in person, But we’ve already spoke so much and constantly send photos and video chat for hours. I’ve seen her, her body. She’s seen mine. The way she looks at me I can’t get my head around. Im okay with things not working out if I go for this, that’s fine. It’s part of life. I’m worried about my feelings. Feelings that I’m not in her league. Obviously we aren’t meeting during the pandemic. I don’t want to keep rolling with this, and then realise it’s to much. Cause I’ll hurt her and she doesn’t deserve it. Not a week talking and we are already here. Strange feeling.
  6. My insecurities are ruining my life I’ve been single for 2 years. Messed up a relationship of 8 years because I was unfaithful. Lost my house, my family. It left me with crippling insecurities, anxiety and self doubt I’ve had therapy for my insecurities and I thought I was on the mend. Right before my last therapy session I had a great night night out, engaging with beautiful women who would be impressed with me, the way I speak and come across. I was confident and in my element. Ended up kissing some hot girl and it did wonders for me. Anyway, about 3 months later, I’m not 100% but I was better most days. Matched with a girl on tinder. Sent a message and we hit it off. She lives about 80miles from me. Conversations escalated, I got her number. We spoke over text for a day and for the last few night we’ve been video calling. I was incredibly anxious about video calling, but when I seen her it went away. She like me. Like really likes me. Finds me captivating and sexy. She’s a straight 10/10 and I’d say I’m about a 5. After the first late night video calling (didn’t leave the call till 5.30am) I went to bed ecstatic realising what I’d just overcome..fear of rejection about my looks. She’d seen pictures before but I assumed I’d look worse on camera. The morning after, after not much sleep, I had a sick feeling in my stomache. Felt like anxious excitement. The texts and compliments were flowing on both ends. They still are. (This was only yesterday) Last night, more of the same..video chatting till 4.30am. She’s unbelievable in every way and she wants me. But I’m starting to feel so inadequate. People wouldn’t put us together. Never. Like I said, she’s a 10 and I’m not even close. I feel like I’m about to *** this up. Not sure if the lack of sleep since Wednesday (5 hour Wednesday, 5 Thursday, 3 Friday, 4 Saturday) has made me feel like this. Or if I’m just slipping back into my shell. It’s happened before in school. Beautiful girl everyone wants wants ME. I *** it up because I don’t take the bait when it’s offered. She gets bored of games and moves on, and I’m left feeling sorry for myself. What can I do? How can I overcome this. I feel like this girl and I could be happy together. But not whilst I feel this way. Time is literally ticking away and she’s so sure of herself, her needs and wants. And only thing I’m sure of is that she could do so much better. This girl has guys queuing up, but she wants me. Can’t get my head around it
  7. I haven’t posted here for a long time. It’s been 18 months since my breakup. My ex partner has been with someone for around 15 months. Are relationship is good. I’d say we are quite close as we share a daughter. Our interactions are good and we see each other Often during exchange of our child or her things. It’s been a rough ride, I’ve just finished therapy and I’m feeling optimistic. The reason I’m here is because I had a day and night out drinking with some friends which was brilliant. Chatted to a lot of attractive women and even scored a kiss and a grope. This is big for me because my confidence has been for a long time. It felt good to feel wanted and I’m realising I am actually a catch. I just haven’t been putting myself out there. I swipe on tinder but going in dry so to speak is not my thing and I probably lose to more attractive guys because tinder is much more visual and you select based on a photo rather than actually face to face interactions. Anyway, my ex partner turned up. No big deal I actually new she would be coming and In all honesty I wasn’t supposed to be staying all day and night but time got away with me because I had such a good time. The last part of the night I remember before things got heated was kissing this girl outside. After that I remember my ex partner saying ‘excuse me, I’m his ex girlfriend we were together for 8 years’ Obviously something was said before that, and from what she told me a few days after, one of her friends thought this girl was looking at her funny, even though the don’t know each other. Whatever... My mate started raising his voice at my ex and I flipped out saying don’t ever speak to her like that. I’m quite protective over her, even though I wasn’t during out time together, which she said a few days later how frustrating it was to see me be like that with her now. I got pulled out the bar by security. Ended up fighting outside with some random dude. Can’t remember exactly why. The interesting part is, I remember shouting at my ex calling her out for interfering in my relation with the girl, and said how I’ve had to deal with another man being there almost instantly after I moved out and it’s not fair for her to do that. Wether she actually was trying to or not I’m not sure, and she’s told me a few days after that it wasn’t like that and she had no problem with what was going on. Well I remember her shoving me and getting emotional, as we both were, and saying what about everything I did to her, stuff which she has brought up before also. I told her I was different now and I’ve changed, along with a lot of other things. I remember trying to restrain her and hold her because she was upset...we both were. Anyway my taxi came and everything was so heated. My friend screamed at me to get in the taxi. I was walking away and she shouted me, and still looked visibly upset. She said, quote .. “My name! I love you” I looked at her with the taxi door open and she said it again. Few days later we spoke about the night, and she had no recollection of us arguing outside, or me fighting, or saying she loved me’ She said, I’ll always love you you’re my child father. I felt she was trying to dress this down. I told her not to take this out of context and that she had no right saying that to me after we’ve been apart for so long. (She ended it, and I wanted her back) I said if I was you’re boyfriend and you said that to an ex I would be fuming. She just said ok and we talking about something else because she hurried the convo off onto another topic. Her denying the context in which she said it in has be questioning a lot about that night. Have I made all this up? I mean, she remembers the girl, so that must be true. She also pointed out a guy on Facebook that I described who I was fighting with, and said he was wearing the clothes I described that night and was there and that he’s always fighting when he’s out. So that’s so plausible. Honestly, it’s probably all true, but is there a chance I could be making the things she said up? And all the heated conversations we house leading up to it? It’s kore for my sanity that anything else. Chances of us bong a family again are slim to none and I’m kinda starting to enjoy my life. Of course I miss her sometimes. I regret the loss a future with her due to my actions. I’ve felt crazy enough through my healing journey and I don’t want making scenarios up to be another crazy on my list LOL
  8. I’m a little down atm. I’m moving house tomorrow and the one I’m leaving is beautiful. And the one I’m moving too not so much. I had to leave because it’s been sold and due to coronavirus I’ve ended up getting the best thing I could find at the last minute. Which I’m not buzzing about. I’ve had a rough time. I don’t need sympathy. My ex left me 14 month ago and it’s been rough. I’m not over her and I’m seriously bitter sometimes about her new relationship. It’s hard seeing her move on. We have a child so we must talk regularly. She came round earlier to see our child and she mentioned about her planning a move soon hopefully. And I just feel like because I’m not where I want to be in life. Her work will take off again when’s she’s back in and her boyfriend has just been promoted. And together they are going to find a beautiful home most likely. Meanwhile I’m stuck in a decent job which I don’t like all the time because I work long hours and usually Away from home for a week with nearly no interaction as I work alone. Different cities everyday different faces. I’m so jealous and bitter. I want to be happy for her but I can’t. She’s constantly calls my HIS name which hurts and infuriates me. We were together for a long time and i feel insulted that she calls me the name of a man she’s known a year. So currently I’m sat in the midst of packing, house full of boxes, leaving a house I don’t want to leave, into a house I don’t want to move in too. I feel like I have nothing going for me in all honesty. I miss her so much and I wish I could be happy for her but sometimes I feel like I want her to hurt just like I have been doing for over a year. After all this times I never thought it would still feel like this. Why can’t I just get a grip and stop collapsing into a corner in sadness and frustration whenever I encounter a hard time? HELP
  9. In April 2019 my 8 year relationship came to an end. Burnt beyond all repair. I moved in with my mother sleeping in a small box room in a single bed, sometimes with my small daughter. One month later i had my own place and things began looking up. I slowly realised that this wasn't a phantom breakup like I've suffered with the same girl many times before. It was in fact the final end after years of lies, deceit and betrayal. The girl of my dreams didn't cry. She'd done all of her crying over the years. She was relieved that it was over just as i was - for a short period of time. I watched as she fell in love with another man and the relationship blossomed. I spent many nights sitting with an open back door, smoking and thinking. Creating scenarios in my head and responding to them out loud. Hoping and praying every night that i could go home. I made a lot of poor choices over the years. She is a beautiful person with a heart of gold. The type of person who's eyes would never sparkle at any man other than the one she's committed to. The sparkle in our relationship ended years ago but she stuck by me hoping and praying for change. She's loves simple pleasures and i was never satisfied with what i had at all in life. This can be healthy in many ways, but only when coupled with action. My ruminating thoughts of what i wanted never go off the mark. And most of my wants never included her. I guess she became part of the background to me. I've started to notice a lot of things about my physical appearance over the past year. I went to the dentist for the first time in about 6 years and they confirmed i have gum disease. This bothers me from time to time but it hasn't really affected my smile and i know its manageable with good oral hygiene and regular dental visits. I also know I'm suffering from male pattern baldness. I have always had a receding hairline but it has gotten worse over the year. The crown of my head has also become visible and my hair in general has thinned throughout. For that I'm taking medication with no improvement so far. its perhaps gotten worse but there is hope as it is very early days. This all has me very self conscious. I guess I've always had issues with self esteem but when you have a partner I suppose it alleviates that pain. I guess my low self-esteem lead me to seek validation in and out of my relationship. That coupled with sporadic drug use and poor boundaries helped my behaviour spiral out of control. These aren't excuses. Some people get dealt a terrible hand in life and it makes them hold their nearest and dearest closer. I on the other took to self destruct. The problems in my relationship weren't hugely different to the ones in everyone's and they are definitely similar to the ones in failed relationships. But lets just say i went ABOVE AND BEYOND. I daren't repeat the things I did with the people i did it with ever on here where nobody knowns me. Even close friends do not know the details. All her friends and family know, and that's how I know she has made her peace with it and I'm happy at that. I still love my ex. I've been trying to get over her for 13 month. Its hard when we shared so much together. The bond we have as co-parents is brilliant. I've been through low contact with her a few times to try and heal to no avail. At the moment we are on friendly terms again and not strict parent only conversations. We sometimes meet and take our daughter out. I sometimes visit them at her house as she does mine. Is this good for me? I suppose not. But what am i to do? I've tried everything to stop loving her so now I'm just loving her from afar. I don't think I'll ever not want her and I'm trying to make peace with it. Maybe i should look towards moving past it rather then getting over it. At the present moment i am very down. I'm seeking therapy about this. I no longer take drugs and im learning an awful lot about myself. Good and bad. Actively trying to change things I'm not happy about and trying to come to terms with the things that will always be out of my control. I am also about to move house again. The property I've been leasing for over a year has been sold and its time to go. This will be a good thing i hope as this house has housed a lot of depressive thoughts. I hope that whatever the future holds for me I find peace with. I hope I keep trying to control the controllable and stop thinking about what i can't control. I hope i slip out of this depression and grab life by the balls again. Something I haven't done since my early 20's (currently 28.) I hope her eyes sparkle at me again someday. Most of all I hope that girl is happy and gets everything she wants from life.
  10. I miss her so much. I'm trying I really am. its passed the 1 year mark since I left and my sadness tells me that as much as my behaviour was unfair...I really did love her. do love her. I initiated this no contact, except for essentials about our daughter. But I honestly feel worse. I suspect this is heightened because of the government lock down. I question my decision sometimes. I don't get to see her smiley face anymore. or make her laugh or spend time with her. As much false hope as this gave me, I kind of miss it. lets say her current relationships ends in some years. we are both single... would she look at me more favourably if we had become great friends in that time? or more if she knew that I had disconnected from her, and she no longer had that relationship with me anymore how would she learn to trust me and fall in love with me again if our interactions are so neutral and scripted I know she enjoyed having me around, and it definitely stroked her ego as she knew that I wanted her back. I know she doesn't want to be with me. I know that. I also know that feelings change. what is the best possible environment for her feelings to grow for me, whilst also protecting my own? i know i speak only about her in this thread. I feel such a wimp for feeling like this. Its not easy to move on when you know what you have lost..
  11. everyone gets a piece of you. some lager than others. I wouldn't worry to much about this. I think its natural he's hurt. You're feeling invalidated by his grief towards her death, as if it means more than what he feels for you. express to him you are there for him if he needs. And let him deal with this. when he opens up, and he may if you give him time. just listen.
  12. this woman wants out of this relationship. its hard to cut ties with someone you've been with for a while. the relationship has become a habit. I think she did split up with him, but is struggling to let go whilst he is still around. I know this because I was that guy. ultimately my girl eventually left, as will this one. But you cant wait around and she isn't you're responsibility. if she unblocks you, express to her how you feel, and that you're worried for her. but you cant wait around for ever. that should be the last thing you say to her. good luck.
  13. have you tried counselling? I would suggest writing him a letter explaining everything. make sure he understands as he reads. be sure to let him know that you know its not all about you and your feelings, but if you aren't happy then, what is the point? let him know you care about his feelings also, and would always accommodate them.
  14. So how do I feel today? I’ve honestly never been so down. I’m to comfortable doing nothing atm. Contact with my ex is at zero now. Initiated by me and she’s respected my decision which I’m grateful for. I don’t want to speak with her, but I do miss her. It will be 3 weeks on Monday that I passed her a letter explaining how I felt for the last time. I didn’t ask for her back. I don’t want her back in all honesty when I really think about it because I’m not healthy atm. I’m worse than I’ve ever been right now. I have zero self esteem. I hate myself especially my physical appearance. I know I need to stop putting myself down and I’m trying to not do that. I’m heavily ashamed of my past self and my treatment of the woman I loved. But I’m not ashamed of how I feel now because I know it means I loved her so. My pain really shows that. Even if it took all these years to feel this way at least I know I’m not dead inside. I hope better days are coming, I can’t wait to smile for no reason again.
  15. It’s a strange old time with this virus kicking about. Nursery’s are closing from Friday now In the UK, which means time off work between me and my daughters mother. I’ve also been given my notice to leave my house as it’s being sold and I’m only a tennant. What a time eh! My thoughts though are with my ex. And our little family. She’s panicking about things and I just wish I was there instead of someone else. To protect and re assure her. Things would be easier financially of course also. She cares about me, but I hate I’m not her number one anymore. I thought I’d be that forever. Her boyfriend is doing his best for then as she is really struggling with bills, and they don’t yet live together. He’s also watching my daughter while she’s working late. I appreciate that but god it still hurts! What I’d give to be the centre of her world again because in many ways she’s still mine. I should be there with them both. We are working well as a team and it’s pleasant. I wonder if it would be better for my selfish wants if we were at each others throats all the time. At least it’s some emotion, right? Anyway, coronavirus...I wonder if I’ll be made redundant. It’s mental how quick that has escalated here. I’ve heard about lockdowns coming in, maybe in the next few days. I’m not worried about getting sick, I’m worried about the aftermath of it all. I hope everyone is well and staying safe.
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