Ever since I was a kid, I knew that my parents aren't the kind that say I love you to each other, nor do they hug, or even like each other. They often fight in front of me and my siblings; in the car, in the bedroom where I slept in, in the living room, on the street when we were traveling. One time I was eating and they were fighting next to me and my mom was talking about my dad's affair. It broke my heart that they would let a children hear that. They fought a lot that sometimes when I'm in my bedroom in silence, I feel like I hear them screaming and fighting, even though there is no fighting.
But now they don't fight anymore. And I don't know if it's good or bad. On the bright side, I don't have to hear the screaming that always makes me scared anymore. But, unfortunately, no fighting means they don't talk. Ever. It's been almost a year since I hear them talking more than a minute to each other. They pretend the other doesn't exist. They hate each other too much to talk and interact. It makes me sad and angry at the same time.
It's even worse now that my dad has just recently retired from his job which means he's going to spend most of his time at home. I never liked weekends where both my parents are home, it's so uncomfortable, though they never even talk to each other. It just feels miserable. But now it's not only weekends, it's everyday!
Especially now that it's nearing the holidays. I am not at all excited for it. I wish I could just skip it you know. I don't like my whole family gathering up because it's probably gonna be a lot of resentment and conflicts and I'm not ready for it.
I can't wait to graduate from college and move on to another country. I can't wait to get out of this mess. I love my parents, they're great parents individually. But they're not great when together and that is why I need to get out.
Any advice on how to deal with this? Especially with the holiday coming around soon?
I'm trying out meditation and reading a lot of self-help articles, it's been really helpful. I'm not as sad as I used to be about this. I 'm taking control of my life and my own emotions but still, sometimes, I can't help but feel trapped and miserable.