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Nogbad

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Everything posted by Nogbad

  1. I am realising I cannot have a future with someone with his grasp on finance. That burden has always been on me, I've got into debt to both the bank and my parents during this relationship, and I fully admit that this is where my condescending tone has bred from. I have tried to massively over simplify a relationship that may well have just run its course. Thanks for everyone's input.
  2. I believe you have hit the nail on the head... 'the thing' is something else. And you're right, I think I am being passive aggressive, just as he is, which is stupid of and unhealthy for both of us.
  3. We were discussing budgeting because due to job issues over the last few years, I have been helping him alot with rent and bills. And when I say encourage, I do genuinely mean that. I know it would be wrong of me to knowingly go into a relationship with the intention of changing that person. Whe he has talked about quitting, I have simply supported that idea. I hope I didn't come a across as condescending, but that's certainly something I should look at. The only times we have argued about smoking is when we have had to choose between us eating (we used to live together) and him smoking.
  4. Believe me, I understand that addiction isn't as simple as 'just stopping'. But it has always been him that has said he wants to quit, and I have supported that decision. I think the point of my thread was less about his smoking, and more about me being given the silent treatment for a week because I expressed (very calmly, with no hint of ultimatum) that I didn't want to fund his habit anymore.
  5. Boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, he was a smoker when we met (cigarettes and otherwise) but before we got together he had expressed the desire to quit. I have always encouraged this, but thus far it hasn't happened. He has cut down, but at this point I'm not exactly jumping for joy over this little win. Last weekend, when discussing budgeting, I told him his smoking was a problem, that I didn't like it, and that I didn't want to fund it/go to the shop for him anymore. I asked him to set aside his own smoking budget, and be in complete control of the habit, as I didn't like it. He got very stuffy about this, ended the conversation, then went and smoked in the bathroom for a good half hour, and then ignored me til 3am. He woke me up when I came to bed, said "sorry the day has been sh*t ", then was confused when I wasn't 'in the mood'. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, no he didn't, then off he went to the couch for the rest of the night, and took the day off work the next day. Admittedly I didn't try to bring it up again the next day, and to his credit he hasn't smoked in front of me since. But things are very 'off'. We don't live together (used to, but I moved back in with parents a few years ago to save money), so we converse through text during the week and only spend weekends together. I'll try to go and see him during the week, but I don't like going to work with my hair smelling of smoke, so I'm admittedly not there that often. He knows this, categorically. Anyway, the texts all this week have been very stilted, and it's now weekend again and he's still being off with me. It doesnt feel like a healthy relationship to me, I feel like I am being punished for expressing an opinion, but equally, am I over reacting??
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