My live in gf has lied to me on several occasions. Her answer is that I caused her to lie by questioning her. Background: early in our relationship she worked in a strip club as a bartender. I met her separately from that. She was very open, honest, fun, educated person and i began to get more serious with her, but I told her I couldn't seriously date someone who worked in a strip club. She quit. In her other job, her boss was very inappropriate saying sexual things to her. She said that he was gross and that I should just relax and understand that she has to deal with that. I felt he was a sexual predator. She insisted he may make gross jokes but was a gentleman who never touched her. Now years later a conflict occurred between them (too many details) were she now told me her "forcibly touched" her many years ago and that it was not consensual. I feel that she should not have omitted this information because I asked if he ever touched her or they ever had any contact before proceeding in our relationship and she said no. She claims she blocked that memory. I don't know if I believe her, but my sense is she consciously omitted that information because she feared I would break up with her if I knew. I haven't broken up with her so that fear was unwarranted.
Another lie was a young male neighbor was texting her. She does allow me access to her phone and I admit I am controlling, so I saw the text. She agreed she would tell me if he contacted her again. He did and she didn't tell me. But again, I knew because she gives me access of course. Again she says she didn't tell me because she feared I'd get upset. It seems like he was trying to sell some financial product but it's unclear. My problem is that he had the number in the first place which she says she gave to his mother (we met them as neighbors mom and son in the street but I left when they exchanged numbers so there's some small possibility of confusion over who was getting her number). Our resolution was I would confront the young man and tell him to back off. I did. We saw the kid in the street and he waved to her conspicuously and she waved back. I thought it was disrespectful of him (and her to reply). I am overly built fighter and don't again wish to assert myself with this kid and want my gf to ignore him. She agreed it was disrespectful and apologized saying she felt weird ignoring him completely.
There was one other similar lie, and she says it is because I am controlling that she lies which has some truth to it. We go to counseling and the counselor said no more lies, that she needs to tell me the truth and if I over react, threaten relationship over it, etc. then we should break up. But she still withholds after that counseling session.
I would appreciate any thoughts. Should I understand her lie is acceptable under the circumstances of my controlling behavior or is a lie after counseling a direct violation of the relationship?