Hi guys. I need outsider opinions. I will try and make this as unbiased as possible.
So, my partner is on a student visa. She's recently been given the news that her uni has stuffed up and she now has a bunch of units to complete in the next few weeks or she will be kicked out. I told her she should let her boss know that she might need time off to complete whats required. Cause stayong in the country is paramount. Her boss is cool and this wouldnt have been a problem. She said that she wasnt going to which I said okay. So she is stressed obviously. We both are. Its a hard time.
We've been known to have petty arguments about stuff that I don't understand. She says I lack empathy. But I just feel like she's dramatic and over reacts. Normally I just swallow it and grovel cause I love her and I know she's more stubborn then I am. But this time i don't feel I can. So the argument started yesterday morning. She slept in for work. 30 minutes or so. Instead of telling her boss she was late from sleeping in or saying she was stressed she said she wanted to come up with an excuse. She always does. She can't seem to just be like, yeah sorry. Be there asap. She has an issue with being at fault. So after her and I discuss what excuses she could use she decides she didn't like any of them and that her best option was to turn her phone off.
I said ok. Gave her a hug. Told her I loved her and left for work. Roughly 6 hours after she was meant to start her boss and friends were contacting me worried for her wellbeing. Genuine concern that she was not ok. I tried to contact her every way I could. Email, Insta, text, everything. She didn't respond to me. After 20 minutes or so it got the better of me. I had to tell them something. So I spoke to her boss on the phone and told her that she's received some bad news from her uni. That there's a good chance she was up all night unable to sleep and that she was stressed. I said she might of slept through her alarms and that she was ok when I left for work early. I thought this would cause the least amount of damage for her. Her boss was relieved as she had been worried sick.
I told my partner this and it blew up. She rang me crying and angry that I had responded. She told me that it was her decision to make and I had taken that from her. She even at one point said I had ruined her job and friendship as she would never feel comfortable to go to work or talk to her friends that were concerned again. I apparently have no empathy for her. Which, in this scenario is true. However when I found out about her uni issues I was so upset with her. I don't feel I lack empathy. I feel that she's getting upset over something that she shouldn't. Anyway. This situation has been a deal breaker for her. She no longer wants to be with me as I can't see what I did so wrong.
I told her that I am sorry I responded. I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. That I was feeling super uncomfortable that everyone was worried for her safety while I knew she was at home fine. I understand it wasn't my decision to make. I just didn't know what to do. I am sorry that I made the wrong decision in her eyes. I do think that she has over reacted and that there is no need to be upset about this as her boss was just happy to hear she was okay.
I currently have 2 messages from her boss asking if I had spoken to her and that she's still super concerned. She's told me to stay out of it, so that's what I'm doing.
I don't feel this needed to be handled this way and I was quite annoyed that I was even contacted by her people cause she ignored them all that long. Especially considering I'm 2 weeks into a new job and im stressed about that and the fact I was going to potentially lose my partner to be kicked out. I kept that to myself though and let her rant on me.
I feel there's something underlying though. A couple weeks prior (before uni news) I went to my mates (she doesnt like ) engagement party and when i got home she tried to kick me out. Left the house. Told me she was never coming back until I dropped all contact with him. So I did. I love the girl but it just seems to be every few weeks I need to grovel and apologise for things I don't feel in the wrong for or she's out. I've been doing this every few weeks for a year or so if i don't grovel we are done.
I don't know if I can do it this time. I'm getting exhausted and I feel like it's setting a bad example for how the rest of our lives would look. I keep thinking. Imagine if we had kids and I did something she didn't agree with.
I'm just lost at the moment.
And currently we are done I think and she's blocked me from all sorts of contact.
Thank you for your time.