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About TalullahZ

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  1. Yes, this is what I needed reminding of. It's hard to be this age, there's a lot of pressure to have your whole life figured out. Mistakes hurt even more than they should.
  2. Thank you, this is really the gist of it. I'm afflicted by overthinking!
  3. It's a good thing I don't want to be a famous model in Paris then! (See: PhD, research, professor) I would love the extra cash though.
  4. @ boltnrun Yes, I figured it was easy and wouldn't take up a lot of my time. In the past, I have struggled with my self-image so maybe I'm scared that this could tip the beautiful balance that I finally found after years of low self-esteem issues. Probably no one cares but I had an "ugly duckling phase" and in school, people would not let me forget how skinny I was. Now that my skin is clear and I've filled out a little bit, I still haven't let go of some of the fear.
  5. @ bluecastle For some reason, it's causing an existential crisis. It's making me think about my life purpose and the reason I wake up in the morning. Maybe that's because I'm about to graduate. It's also making me think about identity politics. I may already be ignored in academia because I'm a woman of color, but a model too? Will anyone take me seriously?
  6. Some background about me: I'm a 21F college senior, about to graduate with a dual degree in Public Policy and Economics from a prestigious university, and looking for a life in academia. Recently I've solidified my goals of getting my Ph.D. and doing research and/or being a professor. I'm very satisfied with that, I just want to read, learn, and come up with mind-blowing theories to solve global issues. And I want to share that with others. My path won't be easy, like any college student I struggle with anxiety about my future and all of the uncertainty that comes with it. Some more back
  7. Hi, I'll try to keep this brief. I have a long history with this person which goes from romance to friendship to toxicity to... I don't know. We tried it, it didn't work, I was heartbroken. I accepted the offer of friendship (something that I had always valued in this relationship, we share interests and values and a lot of sentimental experiences) and for a while, that seemed to work, although what happened in the past between us was never addressed, and I swept my feelings under the rug. I know I shouldn't have done that. Over the span of two-three years, this person starts to make romant
  8. I'm not thinking that I'm going against my word, as I am not against sex outside of an exclusive relationship. I think of it more as barring privileges so that he does not get too comfortable, and hopefully, if all he wanted was sex he can leave me alone and go find it somewhere else. But so far he has continued to have as much enthusiasm for me as he has had before, so it seems fine. I'm just ready for this to finally take off or end.
  9. This is a very good point, I can agree that I'm not very direct. But we did have a conversation soon after that first one, where I told him that this is not The Bachelor, and I will pack up and go if I ever feel like he's just playing me. This is probably why I feel like I need a sign from directly so that I know how to proceed. Also, I'm not against having sex before a relationship, I just think that with him it would be complicated because I have what I think are real feelings for him. So when we had sex it came naturally, but after a while of thinking, I decided that I didn't want to be
  10. I started seeing someone about 4 months ago. It was a back burner crush that I somehow got the confidence to pursue. Since then we have seen each other multiple times a week, and have been getting closer to each other romantically and as a friendship. I am now at a place where I want to start seriously investing in this relationship but I am not sure how to do that or even if I should. One of the first conversations that we had was about our dating styles. He told me that he usually dates more than one person at once. I was totally fine with that, as I was just getting to know him and was s
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