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About teeEFc

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  1. Changing my number is quite the hassle. Right now I'm waiting on a covid vaccine appointment that will only be sent via a text message for a phone number I submitted over a month ago to the government. I am not interested in messing around with that situation. I was told I would be contacted by the end of May with a specific code etc etc. However, I doubt he'll contact me again. He's just interested in the bare minimum of work. If I do need to change my number, then I'll cross that road when I get there. If he does keep trying to get in touch with me - than yes, that's fine, the swit
  2. Honestly - I think his 'interest' in me is very low. If I don't respond to a call - I doubt he's that dedicated to keep reaching out. It's what all of you have been saying all along - he's just seeing what he can get away with. There's no real effort on his part. But yes - if he keeps calling incessantly - I'll be willing to change my number.
  3. So - I did really think about what everyone on here said - I decided to block him. Although I will not receive his text messages - His phone calls will come up in on my call log indicating that he did contact me. I woke up this morning and it turns out he did contact me. A part of me was like "oh geez - I should definitely call him" (the diseased part of me). The part of me that has created a fiction in my mind thinking he will suddenly begin to love me and be that perfect person I thought he could be. Then the part of my brain that has been listening to folks on here kick
  4. Thank you for putting this very poignantly like this. I never thought of it like that - the 'love' I claim I have for him isn't a healthy kind of love. I wonder what kind of love it is - I do care for the person - but maybe that too isn't actually legitimate. You have given me a lot to think about. Thanks to everyone on here - I have the courage to never speak to this person again.
  5. I think the posters on here have given me something to think about - perhaps deep down I'm using the 'excuse' of a goodbye to keep hanging on. I don't know why - but it unsettles me that this could be the deeper truth to my inability to block him. So = I have one issue that hopefully some of you can help me rectify: - I find it so hurtful when my ex does the 'silent treatment' on me. Just disappears without saying anything. - I find that type of behaviour very narcissistic in some ways. - Am I being cruel and just as sadistic by doing the same thing? I take zero pleasure in
  6. Thank you for that. I read the article. I see the more insidious issues of contempt here that I wasn't really aware of before. I never could put my finger on why it was so hurtful regarding how he treated me - why there was something wrong with it. Now I've got a clearer picture.
  7. oh no - I don't want this type of garbage anymore. It's just I can't out of the blue block him. I felt really bad/guilty the last time I did it to him. Like - I just felt awful. However - I'm wondering if that's bc deep down I still love him and consider his feelings over my own? Perhaps that's what you're alluding to here? Someone who is healthy wouldn't give it a second thought to blocking this pos. I doubt he'll actually message back. He seems to have found his peace elsewhere now.
  8. Sorry - this is what I meant: 4 horsemen from gottman I was more than happy to take my fair share of the blame. I was hoping he might see some of the ways his actions were hurtful to me (especially the stonewalling) - and this was going on while we were in a full fledged relationship.
  9. Oh - I'm not quite sure then. Throughout the relationship there were definitely some issues with that. We actually went to couples counselling and the therapist spoke to him specifically about issues that he was exhibiting in the relationship (4 horseman of the apocalypse stuff - that was the first time I'd heard about it). He was very standoffish about it. No - he wasn't very emotionally kind to me during our relationship now that I think about it. Even when I was really excited about paying off my debt - he didn't really say anything kind or loving to me. I actually had to tal
  10. Yes and no. He did move jobs to be with me. But - I later learned he was on his way out from that company anyways. He did move from one place to another for me. But - he lived in my area before and has quite a few connections there. He did help share the costs of me living in a condo with him for around 6 months while I finished paying off my debt. But - he would fight with me constantly about money and demanded to see my bank statement and credit card statements to ensure I wasn't in 'the red'. He also insisted I sell my car etc to pay off my debt more quickly -
  11. One thing I would like to ask - when you say he never did love me or never will love me - what do you mean by that? He said I love you after 2 years of us being together. He did insist I say it first during our 2 years together. But - when I did talk to him about whether he could care for me again - he said "well, I did say I loved you right? So, doesn't that tell you that I'm capable of being a great guy?"
  12. This might sound crazy: I did block him many years ago when he pulled the same stunt. I was in agony for months after our breakup. I was doing everything I could to win him back. It was just torture. My friends told me to never pick up the phone. No explanation. No email. Just poof - gone. I did block him, but I didn't feel good about it. He said it was very hurtful to him. I promised myself I would never to that again. I just don't have it in me. All I want is a proper goodbye. Just to say my peace. Then he will be blocked on everything. At least I can square these actions wit
  13. Yah - it's a weird experience growing into an understanding that my feelings should be honored and respected with myself. Thank you Rose Mosse for your guidance. No - I really don't want to go there anymore. This is the first time I actually felt 'used' rather than feeling like I failed. This last interaction with my ex - where all he did was talk about himself, his highlight reel from his life, asking me for help on his master's application etc was the first time I actually could see what he was doing to me. I could understand I was being used and mistreated. It still hurt that he would
  14. Thanks for your feedback. I think I need to actually print out or send the threads to my therapist about this. I just completed around $3k worth of therapy and I don't have any more coverage until September or so. I will see what I can manage at this point. I did speak at length with my therapist about this guy. I told my therapist all I wanted to do was shake this person and really understand WHY I clung to him despite the abuse. My therapist just couldn't understand the situation at all. He was just in shock. We had around 3 - 4 sessions trying to wrangle with this issue. I didn't come
  15. You know - a year ago I would not have been in a good headspace to accept this end. I would keep thinking *if only* and *but he's so great and I'm garbage*. I've been doing a ton of soul searching, reading etc But - I think listening to ppl on this forum today helps solidify my resolve to get away from this guy. He's not that great. I can see now what you're talking about - once I've got nothing left - he is in full control of me and he'll know it. I just don't understand why he would bother if he doesn't love me. Why do this to someone?
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