Time to give up or stick around longer? in Getting Back Together Posted February 23, 2020 I don't know what you mean by "emotionally abusive", but if you did anything like call her names, shout, use curse words, insult her or throw things or damage property then I can understand why she doesn't want to reconcile. I wouldn't. And she's still in the cycle of abuse. She probably has trouble understanding why someone who claimed to love her treated her so poorly. She is possibly trying to negate the abuse by proving to herself she didn't love an abuser (because that thought is distressing). Maybe someone in her life has told her you're an abuser and she's trying to prove them wrong. What kind of help are you getting? I hope by "help" you mean a counselor or therapist and not just lame reading stuff online. Does your counselor or therapist recommend staying in contact with her? I didn't call her names or use curse words, but the things I said made her question herself a lot. I made her question her own sanity and just made her feel bad about herself in general by telling her that she didn't care enough, acted selfishly, etc. When I think about it, I understand why she doesn't want to because I agree that I wouldn't want to either. I'm just holding onto this hope that she can bring herself to believe that I've learned my mistakes and don't intend to repeat them twice and hurt her all over again with my carelessness. She did tell me herself that she doesn't understand how I claimed to have loved her but hurt her the way I did. The only explanation I had was what I stated here: that I really didn't know better and didn't know how else to conduct myself in our relationship. I don't think she understands it and I don't know how else to get her to understand that my behavior was the result of my own internal flaws and insecurities and not because I thought she deserved to be treated the way I treated her. I don't want her to think that I am an abuser. I really do not believe that about myself and it kills me that I won't get the chance to prove it to her. I am going to a therapist, yes. I haven't spoken extensively with my therapist about my relationship problems because I want the focus to be on the root causes of my flaws so that I can fully work on them first instead of putting the focus on my relationship.