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  1. I didn't call her names or use curse words, but the things I said made her question herself a lot. I made her question her own sanity and just made her feel bad about herself in general by telling her that she didn't care enough, acted selfishly, etc. When I think about it, I understand why she doesn't want to because I agree that I wouldn't want to either. I'm just holding onto this hope that she can bring herself to believe that I've learned my mistakes and don't intend to repeat them twice and hurt her all over again with my carelessness. She did tell me herself that she doesn't understa
  2. I'm thinking similar things you've articulated here. The thing is, she really wants to stay friends with me and stay in touch and talk every day. Do you think it's possible to still be reminded of how much someone hurt you and still want them in your life at the same time? I'm struggling to understand based on her behavior if leaving her alone will only cause even more damage or will allow her the healing she needs. I was emotionally abusive in the way I handled conflicts between us. I'm not a terrible person or anything, just unable to properly handle and communicate my feelings in a
  3. It's been a little over a year since my ex broke up with me. We were mostly NC for a couple of months before we started talking again and have been talking for about 6 months ever since. We hung out a couple of times, talked on the phone frequently, etc. She initiated things equally as much as I did. We got into a few misunderstandings here and there but talked through them so much better than we ever did while we were together. Things were seriously looking up and I thought there was hope that we were on our way to building the foundation to a stronger and better relationship. I really felt l
  4. Sounds like you broke up with her in the heat of the moment, which sounds like trouble if you do decide to move forward with your relationship. You could have at least communicated with her about how you need more effort from her. If you are both serious about being together you need to be able to handle periods of distance and not seeing each other. If your attitude is "if I don't ever get to see her then I might as well be single" then you probably don't like her as much as you think you do and you would both benefit from ending the relationship and letting it go.
  5. She knows she needs to work on herself but unfortunately has no idea how and it really doesn't seem like she wants to. She knows she needs to do it alone though and understands it would be selfish to make me wait for her to get herself together. The thing is I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind waiting for someone I love. I don't feel guilty and me wanting her back isn't some kind of way to absolve my guilt for hurting someone I love. Me working on myself and becoming a better man for her and for myself was the way I overcame whatever guilt I felt. I genuinely love this woman and want to be
  6. I've tried to leave her alone on multiple occasions and told her I'll give her space, but she won't let me.
  7. I just wanted to add some more stuff here because I wanted to clarify some points to help you all understand why I am as conflicted and as confused as I am. For one, my ex only told me to move on because I asked her if I should because I wasn't sure if me waiting around being her friend was going to just end up hurting me or not. She never voluntarily came out to tell me "you need to move on", which I think is completely different than what happened here. She told me she knows its selfish to ask me to wait for her while she is so unsure, so I think it makes sense for her to tell me that yes, I
  8. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'll leave her alone and move on.
  9. I thought the same thing, but she still really does treat me with romantic feelings still. She told me she's not moving on while talking to me either, even though she knows that we both have to. So there's a lot of mixed feelings that I'm getting from her. She's telling me to move on so that I can be happy, but she's not really letting either one of us move on by continuing to persist with the contact. It's the only thing that's keeping me around. Her words are telling me one thing, but her actions are telling me something else.
  10. I'll try to make this brief but I previously posted a thread about how my ex and I are in contact. I've had a serious conversation with her since then, where she informed me that she really wants to give me another chance but doesn't think she is ready and she doesn't know when she'll be ready. I asked her if I should move on and she told me that I should because it wouldn't be fair to me to keep me waiting on her and prevent me from finding happiness. She made it very clear that she doesn't want me to wait for her, even though I told her I wouldn't mind, knowing that I'm the one who did the h
  11. Our relationship definitely wasn't perfect and I think it was mainly because we started our relationship at a very young age. We met fresh out of high school, dated all throughout our college years. I think those years are pivotal years for a person's growth and mental development and it can be very challenging and also confusing. We fought a lot because we were unable to see eye to eye on things and I know that there's no way we can have a successful relationship now if we don't grow up. I feel like I have grown tremendously since we broke up and in some ways, she has too, but there is always
  12. Seems like everyone has expressed the same sentiments and I'm starting to see the rationale in it. Thank I did feel a little judgment there, but only because you implied I'm living a delusion—which I completely understand, no hard feelings! Thank you for clarifying. I've been telling myself the same thing lately, that there is more to life than this. It is indeed hard to take the perspective of others, but everyone's input has definitely put things into perspective for myself. Sometimes you need other people to be your voice of reason when you're stubbornly holding onto something that
  13. Distance was never a dealbreaker. We had plans to settle down together after we graduated college, which we did earlier this year. If we stayed together, we would finally be living together right now in one place. I've had relationships before, yes, but this one is by far the most serious one. We have met each other in person and spent time together many many times over the four years we were together. This isn't one of those online romances where the two people have never met or met once or twice. We met frequently. Although we don't get to be with each other on a regular basis, we f
  14. We met through Instagram and we were always long distance, but saw each other every few months. We broke up because we were fighting too much and it became too much to handle mentally for her. I agree with you that it prevents me from moving forward, which I wouldn't mind so much if there was hope that she'll be ready to get back together in the future. But from what I'm getting from others on this thread, that might not be such a good idea.
  15. I agree that she needs to work on herself. She acknowledges herself that she has a lot to work on too and part of the reason she doesn't want to get back together is because she knows she needs to focus on herself and take care of herself because it wouldn't be fair to me to only have half of her efforts. I respect that immensely. I know it's not easy to be in an LDR though, I know deciding to make such a huge commitment in the midst of trying to work on yourself is difficult which is why I am so torn. A part of me wants to just be in her life and just be there as she figures out what she want
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