I am a fifty-year-old man. Al my ex-partners are very nice people and very beautiful. I consider my self lucky to be with them. I had many long term relationships but, now I know, I was never in love. I was with them because they wanted to be in relationship with me and I couldn't fault them.
Two months ago I meet someone new. She is a friend of my friend and she lives in the US. All our communication were on Viber. I got photos from her and, to me, she was the most beautiful women I thought I had. She wasn't young, 45 yo, but I could not find any downsides which I would consider important to me. In fact, I never wanted someone too young. To me, she was perfect: intelligent, caring, funny with the most beautiful smile. We got along straight away and exchanged lots of romantic and humorous messages. It was weird how everything fit together. At one point I wrote to her how I feel but in order to continue, we had to see each other, at least on a video call to talk. I am currently having an extremely difficult time personally and I had developed anxiety. I wanted to tell her about my problems and to see how she would perceive it. It was very important to me that she knows all about me. We felt so much in love. She said she never felt so happy. I said I could not function. I guess it was more me than her but she conceded to me a few times that she never felt so strongly about anyone. I kept trying to talk to her but, even after we would agree to talk, she would just ignore it. She said that she had trust issues and she is trying to take baby steps in order to not get hurt. To me it was the opposite way: if we continue like we were, we would hurt each other even more. I felt almost disillusioned how much I was in love with her. It was scary. So I sent her my video message. She said she couldn't stop watching the video. She loved my voice, my look..but ignored my message again... We agreed to meet in Europe in a few months time. I was getting very nervous because I was not ready due to my temporary problems. She had two daughters and I had one. She could not see herself living far away from her children although she always dreamt to go back and live in the Mediterranean. On the other side, my daughter would not accept that I could go away. I couldn't leave her. In my head, it was impossible to solve the problem. At last, I managed to see her. It was morning in the US and she just got up. I insisted to talk to her. I said jockingly if we don't talk I would go on strike. She called me and I saw her for the first time. I felt even more in love. I was speechless. It was surreal. I was looking at her and she was staring at me. We were so much in love. After a few minutes, the line got cut of. As I was using pay as you go mobile package, I went outside to get some MB. I tried to call her back but she didn't reply. I was waiting 24 hours for a reply. I wrote to her that I had to tell her something. She joked that I am giving up the strike. I wrote that I no longer wish to continue with her. I wished her all the best. She only replied in a few words why she didn't respond. She blocked me and I had no chance to respond to say that I am sorry.
I desperately tried to find her email on the net. After two days I found her on WhatsApp. I asked her to forgive me for what I did, I felt like an idiot and I was ashamed what I did to her, but I respect her decision not to communicate and not to come back to me. It was clear to me that she did not want to continue so I did not insist. I explained that I had a truly life-changing problem to solve in my life, and for the moment I lost it, due to my anxiety. I couldn't think clearly. Many hours later she replied that she was very hurt but due to her trust issues she developed with her ex she is not willing to risk it again. She blocked me.
I am not sure how all this happened but I never felt so much in love. I know, it's odd because we met on Viber. That is very strange but it did happened. I am so in love and knowing that she is suffering makes me very sad...I am not a desperate man. I had many relationships in the past and I have confidence in myself. I can't get her out of my head. I am not a person to beg but knowing that she loves me and due to the trust issues she can't come back to me, makes me confused. I am very committed, honest person and I never cheated in my previous relationships. I made myself irresistible to her, I know how to do that. I don't feel guilty about that. I was honest. One silly mistake does not make me a horrible person. I didn't cheat her, I didn't kill anyone. I had a moment in my life and I admitted my mistake straight away. But she is gone.
I feel we both lost something big. I don't know whether to forget her or try another way to approach her. Perhaps I should give some time to both of us.
I would like to ask, especially ladies with trust issues, what you think I should do. How would you react if I got in touch?