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angelita0609

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About angelita0609

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  1. Exactly! And I can’t see why others here haven’t been able to recognize that as well. It’s well beyond “she’s the mom, grandmother, matriarch, she’s family, you’re not, she’s doing what she thinks is best for her grandchildren”...when do respect & boundaries come into the equation versus excuses as to why she’s entitled to do what she wants in an unfair way?
  2. I concur with everything you’ve said in both of your replies. Offers of help shouldn’t come with strings attached and should be from the heart. The initial offer wasn’t extended with a clause, so it shouldn’t suddenly include one just because something isn’t happening to her liking. Also, you’re right, once an adult you’re free to live life & parent as you see fit, not how your parents and or others see fit for you.
  3. It wasn’t the kids confiding in her that they don’t want me there. I’m well aware of how she was very specifically, but casually made aware & it was nothing involving the kids. As a matter of fact the kids were spoken to about me staying the night prior to it beginning to ask their feelings and comfort level related to it & they were receptive to it & had no uneasy or disinterest in it. Both our kids feelings are kept priority in our relationship. They’ve been involved in being asked about their comfort level of me staying overnight as well as their comfort level towards our futu
  4. Your response mimics my feelings very much. I agree it is very controlling, despite others opposing the control opinion. If it wasn’t control, she would have stated her opinion, made her opposition known and that would have been that, it wouldn’t have been followed by sudden strings attached to the help she currently extends. The control part entered into the equation when she followed her opposition with threats. People use threats as a way to control others or a situation and while she may very well have her grandchildren’s best interest in place based on her own moral opinions, at the same
  5. It hasn’t been from the start, but over time it evolved into me staying while the kids were there. It wasn’t formally announced to her as it wasn’t exactly something either of us felt necessary to declare to her, as a matter of fact it wasn’t anything that needed her approval so it was never directly brought to her attention so to speak. It was never intentionally kept from her or intentionally told to her as it wasn’t something that she needed to know if that makes sense. It was one of those things where it’s just part of what we do, her approval wasn’t needed. She recently found out which i
  6. I do agree that boundaries need to be established & he has not done a good job of that. If he had, I’m almost certain the current issue wouldn’t exist. I’ve spoken with him since this situation arose explaining the importance of setting boundaries and making her aware of them, without them, things will only become more complicated as his mother will voice her opposition without hesitancy accompanied by more of what I’m currently dealing with.
  7. Perhaps this is where there’s some confusion or why some of the responses are what they are. He doesn’t live with his mother, I’m not sure if I didn’t clarify that or not, or where that confusion came from. To clarify, he does not live with his mother, he owns his own home, which adds to my disagreement with all this. Whose to tell anyone what should or shouldn’t be taking place in their own home?!?! However to set the record straight I would definitely not be entertaining any thoughts of staying there even when the kids weren’t there, if he lived with her, thankfully that’s not the situatio
  8. It’s interesting that many feel it’s ok for the mother to be in charge so to speak, just because she’s the mother, grandmother, matriarch or other familial figure rather than the idea of respect & boundaries being of equal or more importance. I appreciate all the insight & perspectives, but I’m curious as to how you would all respond, married or not to your husband/wife/significant other’s mother if she were to stick her nose in where it didn’t belong or how you would respond to in essence being told to parent according to your parents beliefs which may differ from your own. Would you
  9. My boyfriend is not onboard with her decision either. I’m unsure if I didn’t make that clear to begin with or within my responses. So while I know I’m not legally part of the family, he is and he too isn’t onboard with her position regarding things so doesn’t his disapproval mean anything? Or is it still a case of he shouldn’t rock the family boat & he should remain quiet & conform to his do mother wishes just to avoid making waves, despite his own opposition to her demands? As for me doing what’s best for my daughter, if it was really causing issues within our relationship or with
  10. As a matter of fact his mother & I have always had a very good relationship & get along great, outside of this issue that has taken place. Quite honestly I have no adverse feelings towards her outside of this. I respect her and do like her even though I don’t like the way she’s decided to handle this situation or respect how she’s gone about it. There are no pitchforks to put down. There haven't been arguments or any defensiveness made around her by me, actually I’ve never spoken with her about this situation myself, only my boyfriend has. So there’s no war that’s ensued between us, n
  11. And when the next issue comes along that she doesn’t agree with & this same thing happens again, I’m just supposed to sit back & accept it & think of it as it’s his family & therefore I need to take their wishes of our relationship into consideration even with threats attached? When does it come down to its our relationship & it’s important to do what’s best for us? I’m not one to standby and say nothing just to pacify & keep peace with others, for their satisfaction.
  12. No. They’ve been divorced for quite sometime. It’s not the children’s mother I’m talking about though, it’s his mother.
  13. It’s not that we’re on the fence. I have a daughter who’s in high school & I’m unwilling to change her school. It’s unfair to uproot her from high school where she’s established & likes just for my l/our benefit. She has a year and a half left & after that marriage will come into focus more. I understand it’s important to set a good example, I don’t disagree at all with that. However I don’t feel we’re setting a bad example. When roots have been established in a relationship & it’s been decided marriage is imminent, I think that makes a difference. Yes he is he son &
  14. There are something’s that are inhibiting marriage right away. So in the meantime we’re doing what works for us, knowing marriage will follow eventually. In the meantime it would be nice not to focus on his mothers opinion, however when there are threats that go along with it as it relates to help she provides which he needs, that makes it a little difficult not to focus on it. Not only that, if boundaries aren’t set then this won’t be the last thing that will have a highly vocalized opinion which will other cause unnecessary tension.
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