Usedup

I know how you feel. Yes, I agree there is not much information out there on getting over a boo-boo relationship as I like to call them. This sort of thing takes on a life of its own when you really were not supposed to "go there" in the first place. I hurt every day because I was cut off once his wife caught him with someone else. I was shocked as he had told me he had never done anything like that before. He told me that I was special, beautiful, worth getting up for every day, and that he was not in love with his wife but could not leave. I was in such a state of "stay at home mom" and absent husband due to work hours for the last 10 years, that I believed the lies and the terrible life that I had to live out to protect them. After this guy cut me off the very next day after I agreed to go all the way, I wanted to die because I realized I had been played and I have never done anything like that before in my life. I made a mistake but he planned this and hurt me terribly. Even after that, I miss our talks and friendship. He never contacts me and I have stopped trying to contact him. I felt emotionally raped and I was. Other than that, I know what you are feeling but be glad in knowing that what you did was wrong, but the decisions you make after your mistake marks what sort of person you are, not your mistake itself, but what you do about it now...let it go. Let him go. It can never be and since it was for a moment, it can never be a friendship but only a tool that pulls you away from the person that stood with you before God and promised to love your forever. Try to go back to that person and feeling, just a little bit each day, replace the memory of your friend with one from your husband's time with you. Dig deep, hunker down, and be strong. Force yourself to focus on the needs of your husband. Don't close your eyes during sex, either. That's a mistake. Make your mind look at who is with you durng that time and not wander to someone else. Retrain your thoughts and ask God to bring the love and desire back in your marriage. It works, I know it does because it is working for me every day. Best of luck to you, write me any time.

Loner, that was not at you hon, you have it going on. Keep up the good advice and the compassion.

I want you to quit your job to take care of your children for six years. I want you to get maybe 4 hours of sleep per night for those six years, while the other time you should be asleep, you are hanging over a toilet with someone throwing up, cleaning up diapers, and calming someone's fears of monsters. I want you to spend all your time cleaning a house, paying bills, cooking three meals a day, and holding down a part time at home job to boot. I want you to raise your children with values and not just tend to them all day. Make sure you remember medications, school days, school work, and who needs what as far as food and clothing. I want you to balance a checkbook that never adds up to be enough but you need groceries for the kids and medicine..again...for all the colds and allergies your little ones get. I want you to be so tired and emotionally drained that the last time you watched your favorite TV show was two years ago. I want you to try to be sexy for your mate during all of this keeping up with exercising and let's not forget "taking care of yourself". i want you to keep a smile on when you feel overwhelmed and you are dying inside. I want you to feel the pain of being pushed away by the love of your life when you so need to feel him/her love you. I want you to feel rejection and feel unkept due to the lack of time you have to spend on yourself. After six or more years of this, I want you to meet someone who thinks you are special. They say you are lovely and they wish you were theirs. They want what you have to offer and think you are grand. They don't see the mother, the cook, the bill payer, the carpool queen. They see you like you so need to be seen. I want you to say "no..I don't need that..I have all I need" THEN YOU CAN GET ON HERE AND TELL ME AND OTHERS LIKE ME WE NEED TO FEEL THIS PAIN WE CAUSED SOMEONE ELSE. WE DO FEEL IT AND A WHOLE LOT MORE. This is life and yes we make mistakes, and we just all pray that when people like you make them and you will, that when you reach out for some comfort that they are nicer to you than you have been to us.

I have led a perfect life you could say. I married my high school sweat heart. We had two beautiful children. We have only "been with" each other and have been so in love, like in a movie. We dated for 10 years before we got married 5 years out of high school. We both had good jobs and waited three years to have children. We did it all right. We have never even dated anyone else. After my second child and I do stay home, things got sour. He started working more overtime and I had the kids full time, school, shopping, balancing the house, etc. I was totally overwhelmed for three years and thought my life was normal. He also started pushing me away in bed (that is so personal, but what the heck). Sometimes we would be intimate but nothing I did or do ever is right or feels good to him. He says he loves me and that I make him feel good. I have to just let him take the lead in that department. I cannot express much there. One day, I remembered an old friend (male) that I had worked with years ago and gone to school with. I was not attracted to him at all. I thought I would contact him as I had done girl friends from my past, totally innocent, although it sounds from my post that I had been led to contact another man. Not so. I just wonder about my friends sometimes and I wrote to him. I even told my husband I did it. He did not mind. This friend starting writing me and telling me about his wife and how he needed marriage advice and I would talk to him. I finally felt needed and liked. He gradually fished information about my marriage and I shared some but not all. We both had kids and talked about how draining that was. This went on for months close to a year. I got used to his flirting but was really busy here and at work (I work at home) and really did not give it a second thought. He was just my friend. One day, he wanted to meet me to talk. He dared me to meet him and I did. Things went from there and I really thought I was in love with him after it was all said and done. I was so messed up. I cried every day. I had not slept with him but the feelings were there. He said he had never done this sort of thing but he said it did not feel wrong with me. He said he was falling in love with me. The day after I consented to sleep with him, which was so aweful and so like I was not even there during the process, he called me and told me he had been caught with another woman by his wife and got kicked out. He said he had to get to his preacher before she did and hung up. I was mortified and I never heard from him again. I immediately told my husband after I collapsed in the floor a month later not able to hold it in any longer. I felt like free sex and I still have not gotten any closure. I feel like I need t call and ask for money. I feel so cheap and cheated, but I did it to myself. My husband left but came back an hour later and said that he had fallen down on his job at home and had left me emotionally handicaped. He stayed with me and talked to me but now he has cut me off from mentioning this again and I am dying inside. I feel so worthless and I want to call this person who used to be my friend and ask him why, but he has ignored all my emails and has cut me off. He is back with his wife and she defends him to the death and says he told her that I basically jumped him in the car. I am so messed up now. I have never done anything like this and feel so alone. Please give me some advice. I have prayed and prayed and that does work to a point but I feel so used and gross. Has this happened to someone else? What happened to me? I don't do things like that? I can barely remember the incident at all. It was so traumatizing.