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  1. I feel like I have been so selfish in this past year, and that I am being selfish with how I feel right now. But then to an extent I feel like I have been unselfish too, in that for a long time I have hidden my true feelings for the sake of my wife and the kids. I feel like it's a double-edged sword, as letting her go would be selfish to an extent (doing so because of my feelings and not her own) and also unselfish (giving her the chance to find the love that she deserves, regardless of what happens to me). As you say, I honestly feel like I have my answer too - although I do want to try marri
  2. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing something similar with your spouse - I hope you are doing okay in your situation. I don't fully understand it myself and as I haven't yet been through any kind of counselling this is the first time I've been able to really try to 'unpack' it, so to speak. It's complicated because I don't think she's unattractive - yet I don't feel attracted to her any more. I get that it sounds completely contradictory! She doesn't meet my sexual needs and honestly never really has, but historically I've always loved everything else about our relationship so I have loo
  3. I can assure you that I feel worse for her than I do for myself - I do not want to feel this way and I do not want her to be anything other than happy. As I've said in previous posts, I am keen to go through marriage counselling - I honestly don't think it will change my feelings, but believe me I want it to. And yes, I understand that there is the potential for things to end and for me to be highly regretful of that - but there's a part of me that feels like, if that does happen, I would rather her be happy and get the full, unequivocal love that she deserves from another man, regardless
  4. While I accept full responsibility for my prior and current actions and feelings, I feel like you are unfairly judging me. I did not cheat on her - I ended the relationship before anything happened with anyone else. I was lucky that she took me back and I really and truly wanted to make things work - I should have made more effort in the first place and I was incredibly lucky that she gave me another chance. As I've said in other replies a short while ago, I have tried to make it work and I really want to feel the way I used to, but I don't and I can't force it. In terms of me being a good
  5. I've responded to the first point in another reply - aside from counselling (individual or couple), I/we have done lots to strengthen our connection. Dates, days/nights away, making time for each other, listening to and caring for each other. In terms of your second point - this is the problem I have, she may have put on a little weight or whatever, but I do still think she is attractive, beautiful in fact, but I don't feel attracted to her - I want to and I wish I did and could but I can't force it. I proactively help around the house with keeping things clean and tidy, doing things with
  6. As mentioned in a previous post, I didn't write my whole relationship history in my original post for ease of reading for people like yourself - appreciate that some detail was missing. Marriage counselling has not yet been tried (we discussed it when we reconciled but never arranged it). I/we have put a lot of time into each other - dates, days out without the kids, nights away without the kids. We talk a lot about how we feel, open up to each other about a lot and have a close relationship. I can't hand on heart say I've tried everything - as I say, we haven't yet tried counselling, and I ha
  7. Thanks for your reply. I didn't feel that way when we had our second child. I've been gradually feeling this way more and more over the last couple of years. I appreciate your other advice too - by no means do I think things will be easy, straightforward or carefree. I came onto this forum for advice because I wanted perspectives such as yours. By no means am I proud of how I feel or happy about it - I just want to work out what the best thing is to do, and how to do it.
  8. Thank you sarahjay. It's poignant and to some extent reflects how I feel. I get that I am potentially giving up so much and that is what makes me not want to do it in so many ways. Though I feel like I will be living a lie unless I do. Hence my confusion. Thank you again :)
  9. Thank you - I appreciate your reply. I would be willing to accept the legal and financial ramifications if it came to it, as I certainly wouldn't want her or the kids to be detrimented in that sense, based on my feelings and actions.
  10. Thank you for your reply. I get that I was brief and detail was lacking - apologies, I was trying to summarise for readability purposes. To answer your questions, I previously allowed myself to cross emotional boundaries, leading to the new (albeit brief) relationship. When we reconciled I made a promise to myself that I would not do that again so that I could focus on making things work without outside influences or distractions. Re the spark, we both agreed, when we reconciled, that we had both been complacent in terms of the spark and agreed that we would work on it together. We did to a po
  11. I have been with my wife for 9 years, married for 5, and we have two small children, aged 5 and 3. However I have been unhappy in the marriage for a long time and I feel like I want to end it with her. We get on well and in some ways I really enjoy our time together. But romantically there has been nothing there from my perspective for a long time - while I think she is very attractive, I don't feel at all attracted to her (if that makes sense) - I dread us being intimate, and when we are I can't wait for it to be over. I feel that I want and need to be single, meet other people and have new e
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