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Everything posted by ThatGirlTayl

  1. I do have more good days than bad days now, but I still get sad now and then especially tonight. Finding out he is on Tinder. It kind of broke me. To be honest. Therapy does help with the negative thought spirals, but this is a whole different kind of hurt.
  2. I mean, you're not wrong about it being trauma bonding. But, I have been focusing on myself. I have been working hard to get really good grades, have been making new friends, been going out with friends, I have been joining student organizations, and have been seeing a psychologist for three months. I guess since school is winding down I haven't had anything to fill that terrifying void and when I heard that he was on Tinder I guess it just felt like I was back at square one.
  3. I just think it's dishonest and messed up to say that you can't date right now because of your serious issues and then join a dating website.
  4. Oh. I'm not planning on dating anytime soon. I'm just focusing on me and my healing right now.
  5. No, I didn't grow up in an abusive household. This was my first serious, adult relationship.
  6. He got felony probation. He manipulated me into writing him a nice statement that said he deserved probation. I don't know why it has taken him writing me a beautiful paragraph and then getting on tinder soon after to realize what kind of person he is. It hurts, but it was definitely a wake up call.
  7. I am in counselling. I have been in counselling for 3 months. It just hurts to know that he used me like that. He used me and then discarded me with a flowery paragraph filled with love and hope then tossed me aside for someone on Tinder.
  8. Hey, It's been a while since I've posted on this forum. Today I found out my ex was on Tinder when my friend showed me a screenshot of his profile. It's been 10 months since the break up, about 4 months since we met up and had sex, and about a month of no contact. I just think it's kind of messed up since he told me it was because he loves me that he doesn't want to get in the way of my growth and he knows that if we get together right now again he will fall back into patterns of a bad personality and the habits of toxicity. He said this isn't goodbye forever because I'm the best person that has been in his life after I went to his court hearing to support him. But, now that I have discovered him on Tinder I feel like that was a lie. What he must have meant was I want to date I just don't want to date you. It really hurts. It's a huge set back for me. I'm scared that he's going to move on before I do, that I'm going to get stuck in my progress and will still be stuck on him years later.
  9. Just wanted to update everyone. I am back in school and took the first step to getting help by making an appointment with my school's psychology clinic. I really hope this works out and I start to feel better soon.
  10. Thank you for the update. How long did it take you to move on would you say?
  11. This is classic abuser denial and gaslighting. He is minimizing his abuse and accepting none of the blame or any of the responsibility for his own actions. Stick to your guns on this one and don't take him back.
  12. I agree with itsallgrand. Please get an abortion, and do not have unprotected sex with someone again unless you are in a stable relationship. Bringing a child into this mess is a really irresponsible thing to do and will probably just make things worse.
  13. Yeah, I don't think OP likes the advice she is getting here considering she posted this same exact question to Relarionship Talk. I really wish she would just leave this guy.
  14. Yeah, no. The reason you feel like you can't live without him is because you are beginning to be trauma bonded to him. Him giving you intermittent reinforcement by giving you a glimpse of the person you thought you were in love with and then going back to abusing you becomes addictive. Also, him repeatedly abandoning you and coming back also keeps you hooked, because each time he leaves your brain goes through withdrawal and then he comes back and it's like your brain gets another hit like a drug. This pattern is not going to change, he's not going to change, the grand gesture of him trying to get you back is classical abuser behavior. He will do everything to try tp get his control over his "possession" back. That's how he sees you as an object, as something to control. As soon as he gets you back, the nice act will last maybe a week and he will go back to being abusive. Your brain is addicted to him. The longer you stay, the more addicted you will become, and the harder it will be for you to leave. The abuse will get worse. It always does. It will escalate. Not to mention this guy is definitely not father material and having a kid with him will not make him magically change into whatever fantasy you have of him. Please leave or you will wind up feeling like how you do now for the rest of your life. A really good book that I think will clear up your confusion about him is "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. And do you have anyone in your life who can be a good support person? You shouldn't be going through this alone.
  15. , I miss you. I wish you cared about me and loved me the way I care about you and love you. Maybe this is for the best though? Maybe we're just not meant to be in this lifetime.
  16. Well, thank you everyone for your advice. I have been thinking lately and I just don't think I want to be with someone who runs hot and cold like that regardless of what is going on in his life at the moment. It is very hurtful to be so dismissive like that to someone you claim to love. I understand he is a lot going on in terms of the sentencing and the pre sentencing investigation, but that doesn't mean it's okay to treat people like that and think that just saying" I love you" will fix it. I love him, but we can't be together if this is who he is going to choose to be.
  17. He didn't even care enough to use a condom, so yeah. That's pretty telling I guess. I am going to get STD testing.
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