To reach out to an ex or not? in Getting Back Together Posted July 2, 2019 I'm not sure what you've been through, but rejection, disappointment, and hard times do not have to lead to a fear-based mode of processing things. Much of life, at least from what I've gathered in 39 years, is rejection, disappointment, and hard times. Lord knows I've got some good stories—and wounds—from stuff like that. Name an arrow that can cut into the heart, and odds are its found me. But I'm not scared of more, because I just don't want to be guided by fear. I think that's a choice we make far more than it's the result of trauma. Indeed, it's a choice some of us make to cope with trauma, but it has its limitations. I think when you see people on here suggesting therapy what they're seeing is that maybe your coping mechanisms aren't really helping you cope. This happens, from time to time, and we need to reset the scales. Maybe it's not therapy for you, but it might be worth questioning if you'd like to find an approach to hardship that is not fear-based. Up until the second break up I was living positively and believed my hardships made me into the better person I am today. I still live positively in every aspect now except relationships. Now I think my hardships messed me up. If I never had my hardships then maybe things would have worked with this guy because then I would have had nothing to worry about.