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  1. Up until the second break up I was living positively and believed my hardships made me into the better person I am today. I still live positively in every aspect now except relationships. Now I think my hardships messed me up. If I never had my hardships then maybe things would have worked with this guy because then I would have had nothing to worry about.
  2. Yeah what we're going through sounds similar I do agree with what you said about. I agree that it would be hard for us to get back together and like you said about your situation. Here too communication was bad before both breakups. I do not understand what happened either time. I think it will take years to make things right with him or for me to even meet another guy if I somehow decide to date again. This guy has raised my standards so high. I have been sitting with my feelings for months though and with more time that passes, I just feel like things are getting worse. I feel like the only way to make it better is by talking to him. Especially because we run into each other all the time. But I don't want to have a conversation and just hear stuff like "you'll find someone else... blahblahblah" because those are not the things I want to hear and hearing them will not make things better for me. If I wanted someone else, I would have broken up with him. I still feel bad about some things that were said during the break up on both of our sides and I feel guilty and mad about them. I have never reacted so badly, it really isn't in my character. I almost never get mad
  3. I'm actually really bubbly and happy in person. No one can even imagine me being upset and they all tell me this. That's what most people and guys like about me, But I cannot stop being unhappy about this situation. I even had to see him today and I could barely smile around him. I tried to but I can't even pretend. I really want things to be ok between us but what I really think I need is an apology or something from him which I don't think I'll get when I can barely look at him. I'm not angry at him but I am so unhappy with the situation
  4. well that's probably because I have faced a lot of rejection, disappointment, and hard times in my life. Then every time I try to go forwards anyways like this happens to me. I have been to therapy before and honestly I would go again if it had been helpful. But evidently it has not been otherwise I would probably be in a happy relationship right now or at least not dealing with these emotions
  5. Most people just tell me to keep unintentionally ignoring him but that actually makes me feel worse.
  6. Actually my boyfriends would probably think the exact opposite of me holding on too tightly. Lately, I have wondered if that is the difficulty I face in relationships. It is hard for me to be the first to text etc.. To them I probably look indifferent or not so into them when really I do like them. I think it probably takes me a lot longer than most girls to feel comfortable doing that stuff. I wouldn't say I move slower, I just get nervous when I like someone and overthink that stuff. I think then I overcompensate after the relationship with the emotions I feel. I did break up with a 2 year relationship and never thought about him afterwards though and the first guy I ever dated (who also broke up with me) I never even thought about trying to get back so who knows. Might just depend on the situation. It's been already a few months though. I'm sure he missed me near the start of the break up and he probably wonders how I'm doing now. I just think that at this point too much time has passed. But then again stuff did happen in between. Like with him traveling and then dealing with his health so then again maybe something could still happen. I have had a rough couple months as well. At one point I think I was getting better but then something else happened in my life. I got upset about that event and then even more upset about the break up afterwards. It has been exhausting.
  7. And I know people on here mean the best and our being upfront about it. But you don't know my whole story. You can't fathom why I feel this way about life because you haven't lived my life.
  8. Yeah I am really angry at myself. I am not angry at him but I do wish he could have done some stuff differently. He was bad at communicating and sometimes I wasn't the best either. I am angry about that and I feel like I didn't do enough to keep him. I still don't know if he is actually moving or not and a part of me wonders if that was the issue for the break up. He pretty much broke up with me saying that he was moving but then said that he didn't know if he was moving. Bad communication on his part. And I guess that is the one question I have for him but I don't want to ask and find out differently so maybe I just still have to wait. I do still very much love him and wish things could have been different. I wish we could start over because things were really good. Someone told me that some people just don't deal well with the unknown so maybe that is really why he broke up with me. I know he did like me because why else would he date me. I just thought eventually things would get easier and it hasn't so I feel like I have to do something. I don't know if that's by reaching out or smiling over at him or what.
  9. it already took me a lot of personal reflection to allow myself to develop feelings for him. i once in an emotionally abusive relationship with a guy who i think i loved. I do not have it in my heart to feel like that for someone else again. He will be the only person and if he doesn't want me then I will accept being alone. thank you for your time.
  10. you know what. this is the way i feel and i don't think anything will stop me from feeling this way. i also don't like that your one piece of advice is therapy because it doesn't help everyone.
  11. But I always have feelings for the guy and they never have them for me. I thought things were different this time. He did all the things a guy does when they really liked someone. I don't ever want to fall in love again if I am only going to get hurt. I don't think I will after him. He was so special to me. Also, I am not always been pleasant around him because I can't. I can barely look him in the eyes. He probably thinks I'm being rude or mean to him, which he doesn't deserve but I am so hurt. edit: i can maybe accept loving him from a far but I feel like part of that for me would be to be more pleasant around him. I just can't imagine talking (or even dancing) with him without feeling emotional
  12. I have said, those things are nice but the way I have really connected with these people is through our hobby. I also want to continue getting better at it and I know it's not helping me because I will have to see but why should I stop doing it because of my ex. I do want to still be with him but I also want my hobby. If I can't be with him at least I can still have my hobby.
  13. Well I'm glad someone is going through something similar. I have said this before though, he was actually gone for over a month so I had no choice but to not see him. Even that forced not seeing each other thing did not help me though. If I stop going to my hobby, it will probably be permanently or for at least a year. I don't want to stop because then I have no way to get better and practice. It's also now so ingrained in who I am as a person and what I do often. I don't even want to do something else on the evenings where it is hosted. I will probably stay at home and do nothing if I don't go and I think that would make things worse for me. I know you are right, if he wants to contact me he will. I know the signs I have gotten from him are small but I know him. I can tell that he wants to talk to me even if it is to just be friendly. I just wonder if he thinks I am still angry at him. The flirting with another woman thing was shortly after breaking up. Nothing like that has happened since. It did make me lose some attraction for him at the time but I have realized that he did it because he was hurt. I don't know what he was thinking would happen after he broke up with me a second time over text though. For me, even though the relationship was short. It was the best I ever had and I just know I won't be lucky enough to find something like that again which is why I'm holding on I guess. The second time we dated, things were maybe a bit awkward from breaking up once but he only started acting weird when he found out he might be moving. I don't think is fair to break up just because he is anxious about the future but I do think that was the underlying issue the second time around more than anything else. I would honestly give things another go if he ever admitted to that being the issue. Have checked out attachment theory. I have secure attachment in most relationships. However, when a guy gets distant I immediately turn anxious. And that is because a guy I once dated used the silent treatment on me as a way to control me. I didn't even realize this was something I still had difficulty with until this relationship. I did recognize this and tried to deal with it but obviously I still have some traumatic stress from that incident. I wish I had gotten rid of all that before I started seeing the most recent guy, because then things would probably have been a lot better.
  14. I would actually like to point out that I have been broken up with more times than I have been the dumper. I am more used to a guy not liking me. I also never did any of the chasing with this guy. He did. And I will see my friends a lot less often if I don't go to my hobby. I don't know what else we would do if I stop going. I occasionally watch a movie with some of them or they host a party but it's just not the same as enjoying our hobby together.
  15. Actually I have never broken up with a guy after only dating a short time. If I do not like a guy, I will know immediately after meeting them or after the first date. I will then stop all contact and not lead them on. The only time I have broken up with someone, was after a 2 year relationship. And really that relationship should only have lasted a couple months. We were not right for each other in any sense. I don't get why that relationship was so long and this one short. It should have been the other way around. In all honestly, getting broken up with after only dating a short time has now happened to me for the third time. The only difference is that the other times I got broken up with, I still had hope. Any other guy I meet just can't compare and that's why I wish we were back together.
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